I was so in love with my country back in 1945. I was five, and I can remember standing as tall as I could, and saluting every soldier I saw, begging to be allowed to go on base to watch the drill formations practice, pressed against the wire fencing my heart beat the same rhythms they marched to. Almost every time, I ended up in tears because I just couldn't hold in all of those feelings of pride in America, and love for all those brave men who were fighting in war for us. All I ever wanted to be was a soldier even though they said I couldn't be one because I was a girl.
I'm 73 now and I just had to shut down the TV coverage of the massive birthday party being held in DC , I couldn't tolerate any of it. Mostly the glorification of war that infiltrates all of it, in sync with the boom-blasting of fireworks going off all over this city. I can't help but think of all those out there powerless under threat of the violence of war. How do they live under that kind of horrible reality? It takes my breath away if I think about it for very long.
I never did get to be a soldier. I wasn't strong enough to stand up to family and church. Instead, I did what they all told me to do: I got married and had babies, and watched my little brother walk so tall and proud in his uniform. Soon I watched him come home in a glass covered coffin. By then I understood that almost everything I'd been taught about my country was just not true: they left out the bad stuff, and rewrote the rest. So when we buried my brother, I buried my love of and trust in America, forever.
I cannot celebrate this holiday or Thanksgiving. I do not see America as exceptional, unless we're talking about rewriting history and leaving out the bad stuff. She is really good at that.
Instead I will spend some time lighting candles and wishing comfort and strength to all who are in the paths of violence and war. I will send gratitude to the leaders who do stand for and strive for peaceful solutions. I will go now and comfort a very nervous kitty, and wait for the morning to come.