This started with Silencio's diary http://www.dailykos.com/... , which I enjoyed quite a bit, both the diary itself and the comments following. But the strangest thing happened...
Note: this is purely the impression I was left with after a few days of digesting all the replies. I'm sure there are exceptions to be found, and I'm pretty sure that I'm seeing this from at least a slightly jaundiced, and biased, perspective. And, fairly obviously, I am exaggerating the case to make a point. Still...
The diary's premise was, effectively, that status accrues to men at least partly on the basis of "masculine" behaviors, which are based, oddly enough, on the fact that these are the behaviors that have been culturally seen/taught as being demonstrated by straight males. Thus, gay males might be seen as a threat to traditional masculinity.
There were at least as many personal definitions of masculinity in the comments as there were commenters. And every one of them that was stated by a male was, at base, positive. Negatives were ascribed to concepts such as "hyper-masculinity", and "stereotypical" masculinity. "Real" masculinity was described so as to carefully excise those parts of the definition that might lead to bullying; it was presented as a spiritual abstract; it was proudly claimed by some in the gay community.
In other words, "There is no threat to my masculinity. I can see how some small minded people might see their masculinity as being threatened, but it doesn't/can't possibly apply to me. Masculinity is a Good Thing." This, both from men who see feminism as a problem, and those who are dedicated to supporting the concept.
Does this suggest to anyone else that there might, in fact, be a slight problem here?
Rather than accepting that masculine gender roles that are not fully biologically supported might have to be scrapped, the word is simply redefined, over and over again, so that any particular man can be comfortable with the extra status in this society that being male allows him to have.
For those trying to make the case for gender equality, keeping masculinity as a status marker, by redefining it in a way that is less threatening to women, simply does not cut it. It is the societal presumption of status itself that is the greatest threat; that leads, eventually, to every other attempt to defend the presumption, most particularly in cases where there is no inherent inequality.