We've all been there; the feeling that someone or something is lurking in the dark recesses of your home, watching...waiting. Is it Satan? Or Cthulhu? Maybe the angry spirit of the last resident? Nah...it's probably the cat. But I digress. Let's suppose it's an evil spirit; you've got a problem, buddy (unless you're Mrs. Muir, in which case you get a TV series).
Luckily for you, TV God-guy Pat 'Butsecks Caused 9/11' Robertson can help. What's that? You thought he just wanted your money? Dude, you are so cynical. Dr. Pat is here to help, is all. Now, about this haunting:
It was just another day on the 700 Club, as a viewer asked Pat Robertson what to do about his seemingly haunted house: “My house is haunted. There is moaning coming from the walls, lights turn on and off, the TV changes channels on its own, the beds move, stuff floats off tables, mirrors break, and there is sometimes a creepy fog. The ghosts look like people, but have dark blue light around their feet and hands. What do I do?”Hahaha...what a wag Pat is. Of course, he has lots of spare houses to move on to; his net worth is estimated to be between $200 million and $1 billion. What about us poor, off-brand schmucks?
Robertson joked that “if it was me I’d burn the house down and move on,”...
... “assuming you can’t afford that,” he advised the viewer to get an exorcism.With the 'move' again? Listen, I'm not the frigging Aga Khan, y'know. I'm beginning to wonder if Pat actually knows what he's talking about.
After explaining that he doesn’t believe in ghosts, Robertson said that the house is likely haunted by “demonic forces and you need to get people to come and do an exorcism over that property and command those demons to leave, that’s what you do…. If you can’t do that, move.”
After all, this is the guy who said feminism is a "socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."
Also, too, the guy who agreed with Jerry Falwell when Falwell stated that the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks were caused by "pagans, abortionists, feminists, gays, lesbians, the American Civil Liberties Union and the People For the American Way."
I'm going to have to give this some thought.