My neighbor is a Republican of the Woo-Woo variety and I'm just slow on the draw most
of the time. Be that as it may, we talked over the fence the other day and I told him:
"Had a dog once. Convoluted pedigree. So many breeds stirred up in him it was genetic polygamy. OK, he was a mutt.
Neighbors thought the dog was undocumented too, but I had papers from the dog pound.
Thing about that dog was it stuttered real bad. Could never understand what the dog was trying to bark. Kinda drove me nuts if you get the picture.
I mean, come on, what the hell does a bark of: "Ba-ba-ba-ba-borp" and a tail wag mean anyway?
Only saving grace of the dog was that it didn't drool when stuttering. But you know? I thought that dog was brain damaged.
Was always wacking itself up the side of his snoot with his front paws. A real goofy mutt!
Well, I decided to see if I could help that dang dog. Found a woman in the ads that said she could help.
Went to see her and took the dog so she could look him over. She didn't charge for doing that and I wasn't out anything. I mean, what the hell, right?
Anyway, it would cost a grand to help the dog. Hell, my wages were cut twelve years ago and I been making the same since. Bet you are too.
So, I told her I couldn't afford it and I said she could have the dog. At least it was out of my hair and I didn't have to feed it, so that saved me some money. You know?
About two months before I moved in next to you, I got word that the dog was cured. Made me happy for a minute or two.
She not only cured him of stuttering, but that dog could speak perfect English. No wonder the damn dog kept paw-slapping his head. I couldn't understand him because he stuttered and he could actually speak like us.
Woman mated him with a female she had helped earlier that spoke perfect Spanish. When the pups arrived, they were bi-lingual.
She made a fortune off those puppies. I gave away the proverbial goose that lays the golden egg.
That's what I learned."