A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."
The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest.
They question all plant and mineral witnesses.
After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.
The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over.
The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go."
The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car.
After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"
The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
COP: "When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least."
LADY: "You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old."
A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer," the man began, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say," "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding... He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"
To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"
There are tons more. Some are totally inappropriate for a number of reason, racist, misogynistic, many in just bad taste all around. You can look those up yourself if you're curious.
On with the games!!
Mojo Friday Guidelines
Disclaimer; Kinda like the Pirates Code, they're just guidelines, meant for fun. They aren't hard and fast rules.
1) If you comment you have to recommend all comments. (in order to receive mojo you have to give mojo. It's only good mojo manners.)
2) Everything you say may be taken as a joke (so if you ask a question, expect a silly answer)
3) You must recommend the diary (and pimp it unapologetically)
4) You don't have to comment to recommend.
5) You can't steal my idea (right, like that ain't goin' to happen. It has in numerous forms, I'm flattered!)
6) Mojo mojo mojo mojo, mojo mojo mojo.
7) TexDem (that's me) is not bound by the guidelines. Neither are you
Mojo Friday Goals
Disclaimer; These are mostly here for nostalgia, the site has changed so much and the servers have been upgraded to the point I don't think we could fuck with the site with 1000 people participating. 2007 it ain't.
A. At least 300 different commenters and 1000 comments by 1:30 PM EST and 1500 by 5:00 PM EST Friday Night that it's posted.
B. 100 recommends for each comment, at least.
C. Stay on Recommend List at least five hours (this requires some strategic planning by you guys, refer to guideline #3)
D. At least 200 diary recommends. 300 would be better, spread the word.
E. And always, fun fun fun.
F. Have at least 75% average participation rate as seen here in the Mojo Friday Postgame Show by Woodtick and bjedward.
G. (New) Have at least 30 kossacks over 90% participation (see here for some tips).
H. Overload the servers with recommends, not to mention dominate Top Comments Mojo list. (we do tend to mess with the site with all of our recommends at one time)(also, to dominate the Top Comments Top Mojo we need at least 50 comments with over 200 recommends, see guideline B)
I. That's enough for now. (Have a suggestion? Post it.)
MKinTN posted a diary to help everyone achieve greater success called How to Succeed at Mojo Friday Without Really Trying.
For those of you new to MF (Mojo Friday) we have our own lingo about a few things. Thank's to MF'er Jez (the link will explain) go to this diary for a little more fun and explanation. Official Mojo Friday Snecktionary.