No one was on the schedule to write for tonight so I am posting this as an Open Thread for grieving people who want a place to gather.
Please share whatever you need to share.
Participating here is an act of trust between blogfriends who know each other and between people who have never met. We send our needs, our cries for help, our poems of loss and recovery, our honest emotions, out into the blogosphere. We trust that someone reading our words has been in a similar place and truly understands. We trust that someone out there will offer a kind word and stand beside us as we rant and rage about the unfairness of it all. We read without judgment and offer presence, not advice.
As always, TGR is a grieving Open Thread.
I have to go on an overnight trip for work and have no time to write a real fill in diary today.
But I did want to say something quickly as a conversation starter on the subject of "grief body slams"
I am noticing more and more frequently than when I miss the mark with my general self-care it makes me less able to fight back against negative thoughts of all kind, including painful grief memories.
I spent a lot of time in the last few days crying about ways I didn't do enough to care for my mom when she was bedridden (that awful political ad from the Michigan GOP was definitely a trigger). I haven't had these episodes of uncontrollable crying in the shower and on the bus etc. in quite a while. It felt like just another backslide on the jagged road to grief recovery.
But then I remembered that I had been on short sleep for days, eating only two meals a day, some of them mostly junk, and dawn broke over Marblehead. Again.
Most of the time those thoughts come up and I can dismiss them with "she's not suffering any more" and "you did the best you could" and "she was very grateful for your care as opposed to institutional care". But apparently those comforting answers are slower to arrive when my brain is slowed down by extreme fatigue and poor nutrition.
It seems obvious to me now, but my impaired physical condition was contributing to my emotional weakness in fighting back against those grief triggers.
When I am with grieving friends I always remind them to eat and sleep. I remind them to make an effort to respond to and accept and the connections that are offered, even if they do not have the strength to reach out and make connections.
But I had not been doing the same thing for myself, at least not for the last several days.
How quickly and directly the grief body slams followed neglect of my own basic body care. It was stunning.
I got 10 hours of sleep last night and although I have not eaten yet I am promising myself and all of you that I will make an effort to eat quality food today.
I am remembering the early days when grief was raw and I did not have the strength to make the basic effort to eat well and sleep and do basic self care. It reinforced itself--being physically out of sorts made the emotional battle harder, which made it harder to break the bad self care cycle.
Anyway, instead of berating myself for not figuring this out sooner, I thought I would share it with TGR.
Welcome, fellow travelers on the grief journey
and a special welcome to anyone new to The Grieving Room.
We meet every Monday evening.
Whether your loss is recent, or many years ago;
whether you've lost a person, or a pet;
or even if the person you're "mourning" is still alive,
("pre-grief" can be a very lonely and confusing time),
you can come to this diary and say whatever you need to say.
We can't solve each other's problems,
but we can be a sounding board and a place of connection.
Unlike a private journal
here, you know: your words are read by people who
have been through their own hell.
There's no need to pretty it up or tone it down..
It just is.