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The
reaction by the anti-gay leaders of the religious right to last Monday's Supreme Court inaction on marriage equality was a teeth-gnashing, garment-rending display of white hot anger. One can hardly blame them when you take into account what an enormous hit they have taken to their wallets. Had the high court taken up just one of the cases before it, groups such as the Family Research Council and the National Organization for Marriage would be able to prolong their hate campaigns in order to squeeze every last penny from their gullible, rapidly dwindling base. Instead, SCOTUS blew their fundraising strategies clean out of the water. Their road to ruin just merged onto the Autobahn of ruin and their brakes have failed.
These people will probably be able to continue bilking for a little while yet, but certainly it has dawned on them that they will soon have to find new endeavors. After all, they're still going to have to put food on their families. I have some suggestions for these captains of industrial bigotry.
With The 700 Club's audience reduced to people who speak exclusively in tongues, Pat Robertson could be in a terrible financial bind. Thank goodness there is always e-bay to turn to. I have faith that Robertson can weather the financial storm by selling off the contents of one mansion at a time. I realize that he may only have roughly 80 or 90 more years left him, but if he budgets himself to live within the means any small European nation lives on, he'll be a-okay.
It's going to be particularly tough for Maggie Gallagher. She is, after all, only a woman and a woman's place is in the home. Fortunately, she wouldn't need to leave the house much at all if she takes my career advice. Pen your memoirs, Maggie! You are no stranger to dancing around the truth. It's your forté. Why not tell just one more gigantic doozy and live on the proceeds for the remainder of your life. In the last chapter, slip in a convincing fabrication divulging the lesbian love affair you secretly had during the 80s and 90s with Phyllis Shlafly. Between the book sales and the talk show circuit, money will be flowing like wine once again.
Bryan Fischer's aptitude points to carpentry, just like Jesus. Think of the potential market here. He has been warning for years that marriage equality will lead to good Christians being systematically offed. Millions of crosses will need to be produced. We've come a long way since the Iron Age, so why shouldn't today's cross reflect the style and sophistication of these modern times? When it comes your turn for martyrdom, you will have plenty of choices if you go with Fischer's Custom Crosses—Because Your Family Deserves the Very Best!
Given how much gay male pornography Pete LeBarbera has watched so you wouldn't have to, he must have learned the trade inside and out by now. Film directing is in Pete's stars. From lighting to lube, Pete's your man when you are in the market for quality monkey spanking material. Tapping into the high demand for humiliation kink down-low Republican closet cases enjoy, his actors will rise to new heights of performance as Pete stands behind the cameras haranguing them with taunts of how much he hates them and how disgusted and dirty they make him feel. Screen magic!
There really is only one choice for Mike Huckabee. Leave the Republican party and return to obscuri...wait a minute, aren't you already living in obscurity? Never mind. Too late for you.
I'm afraid I don't have much good advice for Matt Barber either. I took a long, hard look at Matt's skill set and discovered him to be highly specialized. His only real skill seems to be an irrational fevered hatred of gay people. His marketability has dropped completely out from under his feet. I've crunched the raw data and the only thing he now seems suited for is emptying the Porta Potties at Pride events. Thank goodness Russia stills finds you employable, eh Matt?
Brian Brown is advised to embezzle the last remaining dregs sitting in the National Organization for Marriage's hate account. It should be enough to whisk off with Scott Lively to start a lovely little B&B together in Uganda. Imagine it. A compound surrounded by a 24 foot tall white picket fence to keep out anyone but straight white Christians and their deeply closeted gay husbands. Michele Bachmann and her husband will be frequent guests. In fact, many Republican luminaries will make this the new see and be seen luxury travel hot spot. Success is written all over this venture.
Tony Perkins, I've saved you for last. Finally you will have the time to do what millions of Americans have suggested you do and go fuck yourself.
Now on to to Tops!
TOP MOJO
October 10, 2014
(excluding Tip Jars and first comments)
Got mik!
1) The idea that an employer can force you to by jpmassar — 150
2) Brilliant framing by pajoly — 111
3) Because it was state sanctioned murder, but by a2nite — 109
4) shut the companies down by renzo capetti — 108
5) You know what? by ExpatGirl — 99
6) This is the key. If an employer requires your time by YucatanMan — 99
7) the salinas valley is incredibly prime farmland by wu ming — 95
8) Stupid is not the word by Fe Bongolan — 85
9) Maybe You Have to See Closeup the Kind of Despair by Gooserock — 85
10) Well, Well, Well by Gooserock — 82
11) The incident by Ted Hitler — 76
12) Took me a minute to sort out by Land of Enchantment — 72
13) You'd Still Have to Qualify! But Wow, Great Idea. by Gooserock — 72
14) aren't they the same bushes Trayvon was hiding by entlord — 71
15) Relatedly: Private commuter bus drivers by Simplify — 69
16) Reminds me somehow, of the Confederate army, by OregonWetDog — 67
17) Bubble, bubble...more toil and trouble... by bobswern — 66
18) I've been working on voter registration by SueDe — 66
19) Okay ... to save folk that impression by twigg — 58
20) I hope the AA turnout this fall is 100% by No one gets out alive — 58
21) So, in his walk back he states, I believe women by LaBellaFarnese — 57
22) Exactly: by grover — 56
23) No, the police need to stop treating black by a2nite — 56
24) Added to their problems? The price of oil... by Meteor Blades — 56
25) if this would happen in all the states by isabelle hayes — 54
26) but who would want to live by Laurence Lewis — 53
27) Thank you! by paulex — 52
28) The Confederates did win after a 11 year by a2nite — 52
29) What scares and angers me even more by ThePhlebob — 51
30) The police have permission to harrass black men by a2nite — 51
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TOP PHOTOS
October 10, 2014
Enjoy jotter's wonderful PictureQuilt™ below. Just click on the picture and it will magically take you to the comment that features that photo. Have fun, Kossacks!
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