Okay, I went to the Doctor today,(Actually the Nurse Practitioner) and I was told I have to slow down, or my body is REALLY going to start breaking down. The problem is, I can't figure out any areas that I can. I need help on this one people, because I'm stuck, desperate, and now add clinically depressed to my schizophrenia, neuropathy and PTSD.
Let me give you some basics, and maybe you can find some areas I am missing. I am on SSDI. I pay child support, which is automatically taken out. I am not griping at all, because she actually spends the money on my boys. She's a good mother to them. I end up with 795 a month after that is taken out. My rent is 450 and that is all inclusive. I am on lists for rent-controlled places, but most of those I am in the 50 to 60 up the list. My car insurance is 25 a month. I usually spend about 100 a month on gas, going to groups and grocery and appointments. My car is in very good shape, even though it's an 02, mostly because I am a very good mechanic. I don't have a phone, but I do have internet, and it costs me 30 a month. There's a caveat there though. That's my entertainment, (My sister added me to her netflix so I can watch movies,youtube, etc.) My communications (Skype to my entire family, my case manager, and my NP) and my information (free ebooks at my local library.) The copay on my meds are 9 a month. My spenddown on my medicaid is 112. I'm not eligible for foodstamps. I also pay 5 a month to the collection agency, because of bills in my past that I had to let go because it was more important to eat. I don't have any children living with me and I'm not over 65 so I am only eligible for 2 foodbanks, and I get a half a grocery bag worth of stuff from each of them once a month.
My dad is within walking distance, and I do repairs around his house and on his car, and he will feed me a meal that day in return. I don't charge him any money, because he is in the same boat I am. He is 77 though so he gets food help. I don't. Not only that he is family, and I just can't. He raised me.
I hunt on his land for meat to help me get by.I don't own any guns, because I don't feel safe owning them. I use a compound bow for deer (in season) and a .22 caliber air rifle for squirrel and rabbit(again, in season) My hunting license for small game is 27.50 for 10 years. I am currently in my 4th year on that, so this year I am free on it. My Deer license is 24. Since I am using a compound, there is no ammo costs, just a new bowstring every few years. I still have new blades for the broadheads that I bought two years ago, but you only have to replace them on an arrow that you actually use. THe air rifle is 8.00 for a 500 tin. Those usually last 3 years, so I don't have to buy any this year. It's very rugged land though, so getting a deer out of those woods is usually a half-mile walk through some serious hills and valleys. I butcher all the meat myself, so there isn't any cost to that. I do usually end up taking all night to do it though. It's very hard to do. With the arthritis, it takes me 3 to 4 days to recuperate after one of these sessions.
I don't have any hunting clothes. I have a pair of brown jeans and my coat is brown so I blend is well enough. My cap is hunter orange, so that is covered. I wear a pair of long johns and a pair of sweatpants, and I still freeze. See, you can't move when you are deer hunting,so you have nothing to keep you warm. I wish I could afford some of that thinsulate stuff, But 120 for a coat is way out of my league. Plus, that stuff is so fragile. They don't hold up like the Berne coat I've had for 7 years now. If I really feltlike I needed camo, I could probably save up for 6 or so months and get a coat at the army surplus, but I've never been spotted by a deer.
In the summer, I take care of my dad's property, and I take care of my garden. I can and pickle about 200 to 300 jars every summer. Green beans, tomato sauce, paste, juice and chunked, okra, corn, pickled banana peppers, applesauce from my dad's two trees, all in all about two months of prepping and cooking. Not to mention, weeding and composting and all of that other fun stuff.
I do side work as much as I can, mostly for my dad's friends. I am a damned good mechanic. I do have to rest and recuperate for anywhere from 1 to 4 days after I do anyauto work though. The pain is just debilitating. Of course I don't make much, because they just don't have it. I had to replace a water pump on an 02 chrysler for my dad's girlfriend. It took me 2 8 hour days. You literallyhave to pull apart the entire left side of the engine to do this. I also ended up replacing the timing belt because you could see the cords. It ended up costing about 80 for parts, and I charged 50 for labor. She got mad at me because she said I didn't charge her enough. So, now I get haircuts for the next six months free. So, that is a plus. The only place around here charges 20. But this work is few and far between because people have to save up even for somebody who works as cheap as I do. Parts are expensive especially for japanese cars.
As far as possessions, I don't have much left. I do have my guitar and my piano. The piano was my mother's. It's not worth much monetarily, but it helps me get through the rough times playing it and remembering her. THe guitar I can't give up. It helps with the voices when I play. THeres times I will play till my fingers blister up and seep after they rip open, because if I quit playing I will be back in the hospital. It's my lifeline.If I don't have music,the voices get REALLY bad. My neighbor has told me before that he has heard me play for 19 hours straight. He said it's not loud enough to disturb him, but he can hear it. I lose track of everything when I play. I have my tools, which I make money with, so I can't sell. That would be cutting my nose off to spite my face. I have clothes. I have household items. I have a little bit of furniture. Nothing worth selling though. I have already sold everything I can do without.
I do have my laptop, which I bought last year after my desktop finally died to the point of non-repair. THe motherboard went. I have to have that. It's my alarm clock, my medication reminder, my calendar, my entertainment, my communication, basically everything I do. Since I have gotten this laptop, I haven't missed a single appointment for anything, when before I would miss stuff all of the time. It took me 9 months to save up for it.
I just don't know where to go from here. If I can't hunt or raise my garden anymore, how am I going to eat on 110 a month? I can't give up my car, or I have no way to get anywhere, and walking isn't even possible. I only get to see my boys one day every other weekend now. I would never be able to see them without a car. I don't have any way to earn a stable income, or I sure as hell wouldn't be on disability. Please post any and all ideas you have. I'm open to anything.