My first wife, Pam,
was born the 27th of October, 1956.
We met on the 29th of October, 1972.
We got married on the 29th of October, 1977.
Pam died in 2008.
I married my second wife, Tonia,
on the 25th of October, 2011.
Makes late October
bittersweet
for good old bigjac.
More below the divider doodle.
A special welcome
to anyone new to The Grieving Room.
We meet every Monday evening.
Whether your loss is recent,
or many years ago;
whether you've lost a person,
or a pet;
or even if the person you're "mourning" is still alive,
("pre-grief" can be a very lonely and confusing time),
you can come to this diary
and say
whatever you need to say.
Unlike a private journal,
here,
you know:
your words are read by people who share your values
and have been through their own hell.
There's no need to pretty it up
or tone it down.
It just is.
.....and then eat pie.
Here is the link to all the previous The Grieving Room diaries:
http://www.dailykos.com/...
Here is a link to an old Barry Manilow song.
The song expresses some of what I feel at times.
http://www.youtube.com/...!
And when October goes
The same old dream appears
And you are in my arms
To share the happy years
I turn my head away
To hide the helpless tears
Oh, how I hate
To see October go
I don't cry very often about Pam,
nowadays.
I cried when I saw some holiday snack cakes,
Little Debbie snack cakes,
at the grocery store.
Pam always loved holiday goodies.
Those days of buying Debbie cakes for Pam,
those days ore long gone.
I miss those days.
I should be over it now I know
It doesn't matter much
How old I grow
I hate to see October go
My computer is acting up.
It's new,
but it's very, very slow,
slow from being bogged down by ads.
Every thing I do,
even typing these words,
is very slow,
since every little keystroke,
every mouse click,
signals more ads to load,
which takes time,
and creates a delay between typing and seeing the letters.
And it crashes,
so I am forced to
save,
early and often,
as the old saying goes.
I'm so worn down,
from unloading trucks at Walmart.
My physical weariness,
and my maddeningly slow computer,
and my Tonia wants attention,
she resents my time here at Daily Kos,
and the computer makes the time longer.......
I'm so messed up,
I can't even feel like shit
for the reason I'm supposed to feel like shit,
in the grief support group diary.
But it all connects,
because,
there were so many peaceful times with Pam,
and since the bad times fade in my memory,
any bad feeling now,
make me miss those happy times.
But I must remind myself,
now,
just after the third anniversary
of the wedding
of Tonia and I,
Tonia and I are having some truly peaceful and happy times,
right now.
Sometimes I slip,
and call Tonia, Pam.
That shows,
these are happy years, too.
Thanks for reading.
I'm leaving these quotes in,
from the last time I posted here:
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Satchel Paige
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/...
Here's my poem,
the only one I formally call a poem:
Life Poem
We do what we can
with what we've got.
Our life is only that.
We stand,
at the end of the day.
We see some respect from a few,
our friends.
We smile for a moment.
And then we're gone.
Thanks for reading.
The comment thread
is an open thread,
for you to use,
to pour out your heart,
reveal your pain.
It usually helps
to write it out,
and crying is healthy.
So,
don't hold back.
.......and then eat pie.