Parenting is hard.
We have four kids split between elementary school, middle school, and high school and my wife and I joke sometimes that we might have had one or two less if we knew then what we know now! Ha ha. We love it, but it's never easy.
Parenting black children in America comes with each and every concern faced by all children—peer pressure, bullying, drugs, unprotected sex, rape, random acts of violence, health care, and the overall quality of education. All parents and children face these universal American concerns at one level or another, but parents of black children face an ever growing list of challenges and worries that are culturally unique to the black experience.
What follows below the fold is a very real (and sad) list of parenting concerns and dictates compiled from interviews and conversations with parents of black children.
Tips from parents of black children when they are out alone
1. I don't let my kids go out alone anymore.
2. Never wear a hoodie when you are out alone.
2a. I stopped buying my son hoodies after Trayvon was killed.
2b. I've told our kids not to put the hood from their hoodies on at night.
3. Always walk on the sidewalk, even in our own neighborhood.
4. Never touch anything that looks like a weapon, toy or otherwise, at stores like Walmart.
4a. As crazy as this sounds, I'm afraid to let me kids out of my sight at stores now out of fear of what may happen if they touch the wrong thing.
4b. Never leave the house with anything, at all, that looks like a weapon.
5. If you have a car accident, call me or mom before you call the police so that we can come and help you.
6. If you ever get pulled over by the police, call me and put it on speaker phone.
6a. If you ever get pulled over by the police, stream a live video from your iPhone, put the phone down, and let the police know that your parents asked you to do so.
6b. If you ever get pulled over by the police, put your hands out of the window before the police come to the vehicle and tell them your parents told you to do so.
6c. If you ever get pulled over by the police, have your driver's license or at least your wallet in your hand before they get to the car.
6d. If you ever get pulled over by the police, don't move in any direction for any reason without telling the officer what you're doing.
7. I know you know not to steal, but don't steal anything, ever. I'll give you money to buy whatever you need, but it's just too dangerous for you to take the risk.
8. If police ever confront you while you are out walking, take a deep breath, stay calm, stay still, and put your hands out where they can see them. Try not to be afraid. Only call me if it means they don't see you reaching for your phone, but call the first chance you get.
8a. If police ever say anything to you while you are walking, pull out your phone and begin filming them right away.
Are you a parent to black children? Do you have any advice or tips you've given that you'd add to this list? Do you reject the idea that these tips should even be followed?
Feel free to chime in in the comments section below.