I hate to say it, but I think she will need a nursing home sooner or later. She really liked the place we had her in for a week after she had her "early dementia" episode. She likes the staff, she likes the camaraderie at the dinner table, she really seemed to enjoy herself the whole time she was there.
Sigh. This caretaking thing is hard on all of us. An old old story as all of you who have ever cared for an elder know all too well.
My Mom is deteriorating. She needs constant help, she can't bathe or dress herself, she wants to stay in bed all day, and you have to harass her a bit to convince her to get dressed and get up to take a bit of lunch.
I'm doing it all. I go over every day, that five days a week thing has stretched into seven, I bathe her, dress her, clip her nails, help her brush her teeth, clean their house. My Mom was an immaculate housekeeper for years, my Dad tends to be a bit of a hoarder and a slob, so I'm always playing catchup in their once formerly immaculate house. I shop for them, cook for them, wait on her hand and foot. Dad is so glad to see me every day when I come over, he runs out of the house to "shop" the only bit of freedom he gets all day.
She fell down last night and hurt herself. She got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and fell down hard. Dad is sorta deaf, so he really didn't hear till she made a lot of noise. Oh boy. And, she is cranky ALL the time. Understandably, but Dad and I have to really keep a tight rein on our emotions, not to be mean to her, and be patient with her. She has gotten to be like a very petulant small child.
My Dad went off on me a bit the other day, he has no outlet for his emotions, and got mad and was mean to me over nothing, got ugly when I told him he owed me an apology. Later he called and apologized. It's not his fault. We're all so under stress.
Sorry for this rant, but I know I can come here and get some sympathy, the Daily Kos community has always been so good that way. And thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
Special thanks to user Youffraita, who put me on to those marvelous Simon's Cat cartoons. They are so hilarious, and the other day when I was there to do routine chores, I fired up Mom's laptop in her bedroom and showed her them. It was the first time I've seen her laugh a lot in a long long time. She spent about two hours watching them and laughed the whole time like crazy.
It's either gonna be a nursing home or I'll have to move in with them. I'm sure Lovely Rosebuddear (my sweet 15 year old pootie) would like to live in a house with a yard that she could go out in, but could I even take her? Mom would trip over her and hurt herself, that's why Dad can't have a dog anymore, although he LOVES dogs. And cats. I will NOT give up Rose to strangers, even for Mom.
It's not like they can't afford professional help. They have Medicare, Tricare, and private insurance. I will absolutely NOT urge a nursing home solution on my Dad, but he is kind of coming around to it himself. And she really enjoyed it at that place. Oh God. Doesn't this sound self-serving and whiny? I'm just torn. And so tired.
I asked Dad if he's read any good books lately. We all love to read, and he said he hasn't. He's too distracted, because if she's not sleeping, she has constant demands and always needs something. I have a hard time getting housework done there because of it, so I know what he means.
I feel like such a bad daughter for even complaining about this. But I'm afraid. Dad is going off to Colorado to go hunting (the guy still goes deer hunting at 84) and is leaving me in charge, which means I have to learn about all the pills she takes and spend the night for five days and spend all my time with her, and neglect Rosie some more. She has gotten quite clingy and I don't blame her. I'll do my best. I am so afraid of her (Mom) falling down or something on my watch. And if she gets really goofy and demented again, I am afraid I won't know how to handle it. Other family members are pretty useless, not willing to pitch in or anything.
Thanks for listening. You guys are always so great. I'll manage somehow.
Love, Rose