I have mixed feelings about that 10 Hours of Cat Calls video. Some of the behavior I saw in that clip disturbed me. Some of it looked pretty benign, to me -- YMMV. It got me thinking about my own experience, and one incident that shook me up more than a little bit.
I'm a woman in my 60s. I'm heavy set, gray-haired and few people's image of "beauty." That doesn't bother me. I am who I am, and I'm comfortable with myself. But my looks mean I don't have to deal with a lot of cat calls, wolf whistles or unwanted attention from men -- particularly young men.
I did have one disturbing experience, though. The year was 1980 and the scene was the Republican National Convention at Joe Louis Arena in Detroit, when Ronald Reagan got the Republican nomination. What was I doing there? I was a college journalism student and signed on as an intern for one of the television teams covering the event.
I was 28 years old and recently divorced. I moved home after my marriage broke up and went back to school at Wayne State University in Detroit. I was already heavy set, probably about 40-50 pounds overweight. But as I remember those days, I was a lot more focused on getting my degree so I could earn a living than I was on becoming more attractive to men. So I didn't think about my appearance much.
So, to the 1980 Republican National Convention. As an intern, I had to park several blocks away from Joe Louis Arena. It was about a 10 minute walk. In 1980, Detroit wasn't the blasted landscape it is today. And the area around Joe Louis was a lively business district -- particularly with all the extra people downtown for the convention. The time was mid-morning though, and there weren't a lot of people on the street. I was walking purposefully toward the convention center to get to work and start my shift.
Suddenly, I noticed a large (both tall and overweight) African American man walking along beside me. It was a public street and he had as much right to be there as me, so I didn't react. I just kept walking. Then he spoke:
"You should take better care of yourself," he said. "You should lose some weight. No man gonna want you."
I ignored him and walked a little faster. I didn't look at him. I didn't answer. He kept walking next to me. I just focused on getting to the convention center where there would be more people around. I got where I was going and he went on about whatever business he was on the street for. I never saw him again.
I was seriously shaken up. Not so much because a strange man had given me unwanted attention, but because he had criticized me. I fell into a fugue of thinking I must be the most disgusting thing ever seen on the street. Otherwise, why would anyone comment to me?
I did get over thinking the problem was me pretty quickly. Looking back on it, I think there must have been something wrong with him (mentally). People just don't say that sort of thing to strangers on the street. And there is a certain irony to it because he was (as I remember it) much more overweight than I was.
Coming back to 2014 I see why those cat calls were so disturbing. Yeah, a lot of them were complimentary, but nobody has a right to comment on your appearance, positively or negatively, just because you're there. Your appearance is YOU, and you have a right to be whatever you are with or without bystanders' approval.
And creepy guy who walked along side her for five minutes was ... creepy. I mean, somebody needs to keep an eye on that guy creepy.
But at least some of the incidents (and it's hard to say what percentage, because we don't know just how many were edited out) were not bothersome (to me) at all. Women do the same thing.
If you make eye contact with someone on the street, the natural reaction is to smile, nod, say "nice day," or something similar. When I walk my dog in my neighborhood, I smile and nod to people getting in their cars, mowing their lawns, watching their children play. Some of them are men, some women. Some of them say "have a blessed day," (a phrase that annoys me, but which I never push back over), or "fine weather we're having," or just "yo."
Not every vocalization in the video is a comment on the actress's appearance.
To some extent, the actress's blank expression and lack of eye contact with the people around her made her stand out. That's not the way most people walk down the street. It's not even an advisable way to walk down the street -- unless you have a camera man walking in front of you so you know you're not absolutely alone.
Acknowledging the people around you, if only with a smile and nod, whether they are walking by, or you are walking and they are standing around or everyone is walking, is normal behavior. You don't have to engage with everyone around you, but it's a good idea to be aware of them. Walking eyes forward, with no awareness of what's going on around you is a good way to become a victim of street crime. You wouldn't be at fault if someone robbed you, but you would still be robbed. So, it's a better idea to keep looking around when you walk alone.
At the end of the day, I have to agree that the actress in the video got way too many comments on her appearance. That's never OK from a stranger. There was plenty of disturbing behavior in the edited piece. But for me, that doesn't mean people should never acknowledge each other when they are on the street.
A smile from a stranger can improve my day, if, of course, it isn't a leer.