Last week I watched an episode of Shonda Rhimes‘ “How to Get Away with Murder.” I wanted to see the show because I’d read about the NYT review “How to Get Away with Being an Angry Black Woman” that was written and reviewed by an all-white tv criticism group. I am a middle-aged white woman and consider myself a passionate anti-racist.
The block quotes in this diary are not from the NYT review, which I have not read. They are from my own unconscious biases and prejudices. I suspect that similar sentiments may reside in the unconsciousness of the author of that review.
“A black writer should not create unsympathetic white characters”
When I watched the episode of "How to Get Away With Murder" my unconscious racism had a lot to say in response to the show. When I reveal and examine my unconscious racism, it helps me to re-program it and clear it up, whereas years of taking those offensive thoughts and shoving them into hiding does not seem to have done a damn thing. I really want to form new thoughts that are both more compassionate and more accurate.
“A black writer should not create so many white characters – stick to black people.”
Several months ago, I saw a black man walking down the street on trash day and thought, “I wonder if that man is looking through the trash.”
There was no basis for that thought – I was horrified to see it arise in my mind. Instead of pushing the thought away, I asked the question, “where did that come from?” – “what are the messages and images that I have been fed?” And unfortunately, there are plenty of popular cultural messages that say “Black people are poor, black people are different than you and me, black people don’t have dignity, and on and on.”
“A black woman should not presume to have wisdom when she is talking to a white woman.”
So, back to “How to Get Away With Murder.”
I realized that if I was not actively engaged in looking for and seeking to re-program my racist thoughts; if I was unaware of how biased and inaccurate my perceptions of POC can be, then I could have written “How to Get Away With Being an Angry Black Woman” in response to watching that show. That the window into my unconscious racism might be a window into the unconscious racism of many in our culture who may have no idea that they have racist beliefs.
I felt uncomfortable about all of the white characters in the show who were flawed, because I knew they had been created by a black writer.
“Because this black writer is creating unsympathetic white characters, she must judge and hate all white people.”
I have watched plenty of tv shows that were loaded up with unsympathetic characters who were African American, Hispanic, Indian, Chinese, Native American, or from other non-white cultures. I sometimes do feel uncomfortable at the portrayal of POC as villains in a white drama. But Rhimes’ characters – at least for the most part – were not villains, just flawed humans doing what flawed humans do.
“Black people are not qualified to judge white people”
Clearly this is my issue here, my racism, not Shonda Rhimes’ issue.
Apart from the portrayal of flawed white people in the show, the other place my racism cropped up was when Annalise, the main character, who is a strong, intelligent middle-aged black attorney, offers a few kindly-served words of wisdom to a white woman who has just treated her with disrespect. I didn’t like that. I didn’t want a black woman presuming to be wise, even if she was actually wise.
“Black people need to know their place, they need to stay in their place.”
I feel embarrassed. I feel ashamed. But I know that shame is not useful here, that shame only drives us into hiding and does not help us to evolve. So I’m holding the feeling of shame with compassion, neither accepting it nor pushing it away. I want to be loving, wise, authentic, fair, and good. These racist programs that clearly live in me I judge to be some kind of poison or illness. I want them out. But that is a bit like wanting the flu out – or perhaps more closely – like wanting Lyme disease out. It’s just not easy to change my programming.
But I need to keep starting somewhere; how about by stating what is obvious yet somehow not obvious.
“Black people are fully human.”
“All humans are capable of wisdom, creativity, genius, compassion, grief, longing, courage, leadership, and grace. No race has any leg up on any other race with respect to these human qualities.”
“I am afraid of the humanity of black people because I have learned that fear from my white culture.”
“I prefer to label people as ‘other’ so that I don’t have to take their pain seriously.”
Owning my racism and speaking it in safe public places is helping me to become less racist. Over time, I find myself with less of a backdrop of emotional contortion when I am relating to my black friends and other friends who are POC. I don’t like it that I have racist thoughts living in my unconscious. But I understand that having racist thoughts is not my fault and does not make me a horrible person. I am not defined by the unconscious programs that were trained into me, and I know that with compassion and sunlight that those programs can indeed be changed.
One thing I still struggle with is how to label myself with respect to this problem.
Can I say, “I am a recovering racist”? – I have never thought of myself as a racist. But it seems like many or most white people, even those who consciously harbor what are clearly profound racist beliefs, and who profess them in broad daylight, do not think of themselves as racists. Where is the line that separates racists from non-racists? It cannot be the line of conscious intent. To say that someone is only a racist if they have the conscious intent to judge based on race is a white-wash. So my lack of conscious intent does not remove the label “racist” from me.
What is the articulation that will be most useful in healing this illness from myself and from our culture? Guilt will not work, pointing fingers will not work, seeing “us” and “them” will not work, where “us” are the enlightened progressives and “them” are the backward conservative racists, or - for that matter - however "us" and "them" are defined.
I am a loving, compassionate, wise, flawed recovering racist, also recovering from other human ailments with courage and commitment.
It is hard to say that. I don't want to own it. I don't want to be identified as having been part of the problem, even if I did not know better and have always been sincere. And how much harder is it, then, for people to own their racism who have fewer resources than I for self-reflection?
Namaste, Blessings to us all for growth, healing, wisdom and love in community.