It was back in September when I wrote a diary about the difficult and what seemed hopeless situation my family found itself because of actions from the biological father of my step-daughter.
I would have never expected what happened after I published it. The outreach from this amazing community hit me by complete surprise and gave me strength I did not know I had still left.
No, I did not ask for donations and got a lot of money.
I did not ask anyone to support a noble cause I feel strongly about.
In fact, I really didn't ask for anything.
But I got something so valuable, I still have difficulties comprehending it.
Something absolutely priceless.
I got the feeling that I am not alone in this.
I was shown in what can only be described as an unbelievably impressive display of compassion, that there are people out there who have my back - No strings attached. Just like that.
Complete strangers not only encouraged me, but offered incredibly helpful advice.
People who had no stake in my battle refused to let me give up at a time when I was very close to do just that.
This community took my hand and pulled me up, straightened me out and told me:
"We are in this with you, you got this!"
The diary I am referring to can be found here:
http://www.dailykos.com/...
I made the promise to this community that day to keep you posted and I am about to make good on this promise.
Let me tell you what happened since then...
The very first thing I did was to learn as much as possible about alcoholics.
I tried to understand what their thought process is. I learned how their families were dealing with the alcoholism. I also learned a great deal about bullies. In short - I got to REALLY know the "enemy".
That alone helped a great deal to see where we acted wrong in the past. As one commenter pointed out in my original diary, I was doing the right thing but I was also perfectly playing into his game.
That was an eye-opener and we changed our behavior entirely.
I also went into my 401k with a "Screw it! If I have to work until I drop to keep my little girl safe, so be it" mindset. After all, you guys were right: I still have plenty of time.
To my surprise and luck, I found out that I could take out a general purpose loan from my 401k and this is exactly what I did to cover the cost for the expert witness and the estimated rest of the court proceedings. (Sometimes, all you need is a little luck)
While the hostility on the side of the biological father did not stop, we got a whole lot better in dealing with it and that made things much easier for us.
Things were not good, but they definitely were easier to handle.
We could handle this until the final hearing would take place.
And then it happened:
My wife got served with court papers showing that he filed for motion of contempt in several different areas and not only asked for her to be punished, but also to have complete unsupervised visitation reinstated until a final hearing in the case for adjustment of visitation would take place, and us covering all the costs for this filing and his attorney fees.
It looked like the problems just kept coming.
Until I took a breather, kicked back and read the complete filing.
While it is without a doubt that withholding visitation to protect my step-daughter from an obviously aggressive drunk is a violation of a court order and therefore a contempt of court after all, the aggressive alcoholic in him seemed to again take the lead in this filing. the alcoholic in him started to become reliable and predictable.
He filed several motions of contempt and about half of them were nothing but made up.
He also subpoenaed me as a witness and I still have no clue why.
The motions not made up completely were all based on the fact that my wife did withhold visitation and I knew that we had plenty of evidence to justify why she had to do what she did to protect the little girl. We talked to our attorney and she told us that a realistic outcome would be that we pay a fine and he would indeed get the little girl unsupervised until the final hearing early next year based on the evidence we already have. She was not sure about him being successful with getting his attorney fees from us. But she definitely told us that they have a case and while not as strong as they seemed to think, they might win this.
This is when I re-read the comments to my first diary.
I was determined to put up one hell of a fight.
Giving in felt like letting all of you down.
And then I got to work.
Over several days I put together a new folder of evidence - plain, hard facts.
Nothing but the naked truth. I went to every piece of paper again, listened to every second of recordings and write down pages and pages of quotes in his own words.
The result of this effort was a folder holding about 100 pages of facts, quotes, emails and text messages showing his aggressions toward his daughter on the phone and pointing out each and every lie in all of the motions he filed.
I created something no judge could ignore and I created something I knew would be powerful enough to open some eyes.
About a week ago, he sent an email to my wife telling her that "she will see judgment" and that "life was good" with a nice smiley face at the end.
We did not reply - at all.
The court date was on Wednesday.
It is hard to describe what I felt when I walked into the court house in the morning, seeing him standing there with his father and mother. I saw his anger but also his complete confidence that now was the time where he showed us who the boss was.
All three of them had the face of someone knowing 100% that they will crush you.
We did not react - at all.
We went into the court room and after the calendar call, I handed our attorney her folder (she knew about what would be in there) and another one for his attorney.
Being on the schedule for later in the day, we walked out and waited.
Of course I did not listen to any conversation between his lawyer and him, but I could see them across the hall.
I saw his lawyer going through the folder with him.
I saw his lawyer pointing at several pages and I saw him reluctantly acknowledging that what was in front of them was the truth.
I saw the confidence disappearing.
I saw the realization on the lawyers face that his client was not honest with him.
I didn't see a lot more, since our lawyer came to chat with us.
We went to a quiet area to talk.
When we came back, his parents were gone.
He stood there with his head sown and his shoulders hanging.
His lawyer signaled our lawyer that he wanted to have a talk with her and so we waited.
When she came back she asked us if there was anything that we could settle on, so they can avoid having to put this in front of a judge.
We settled on terms which will continue to make sure our little girl is kept safe.
He lost.
Our little girl won.
I know, I would not have done what I did without all the encouragement from this community.
This is why I not only owed you this update, but also still owe you my gratitude.
The entire case it not yet over and we will go to a final hearing early next year to once and for all deal with this matter.
But for now, the little girl is safe.
This was probably also the first time that his family, his lawyer and he himself got openly confronted with the fact that he is not honest to anyone.
I am back at work, because the evidence I put together for this hearing was by no means everything there was, but only the part needed for this day.
There is a lot more where this came from and I know I will present an even heavier folder to them Nexfor our final hearing.
I learned my lesson in keeping on going and I will make sure we will be ready.
I also learned something else on Wednesday:
The alcohol testing method we were using is not only pretty much impossible to cheat, but also relatively new in US courts.
So this just got a lot bigger.
I will make sure that this test will be acknowledged by the court as a valid measure to prove chronic, long term alcohol abuse, no matter what happens next. They might want to settle, but I am determined. I know that this test is accurate. I know that this test used in the court system will help many more little girls and boys to be kept safe.
This will be the precedence for many others.
This way I can pass on a little of the support I got from all of you to others who do not have an entire community having their backs.
We are not yet done, but the tables definitely turned.
I could not have done this without you!
Thank you!
12:02 PM PT: Here is the link to the test. I completely forgot to include it:
http://www.abusecheck.com/
I also just realized that this diary tops the rec list and I am - again - speechless.
At a time where so many really big things are happening, the fact that this diary is right there between those big stories shows the type of community this is.
Simply amazing!
I am truly humbled.
Thank you very much everyone!
1:36 PM PT: This will be my last update to this diary today, since my kids got home from school and it will only be minutes until they will demand my full attention :)
I said it before and I will say it again:
This community is outstanding!
Thank you all or being who you are and for caring the way you do!
I am leaving this site today again stronger and this is because of all of you.
May you all have a wonderful weekend and even more wonderful holidays!