Monday night, in a televised press conference, #Ferguson "Prosecutor" Bob McCulloch announced that his grand jury had (literally) investigated the hell out of Michael Brown—and, to the surprise of no Juan, they'd decided not to indict Darren Wilson for killing him.
Apparently, after examining all of the physical evidence and eyewitness testimony, and having been apprised of the relevant statutes, the grand jury concluded that the 24-hour news cycle and social media were to blame.
Or something... it was kinda hard to follow everything—with all of that tear gas, smoke, and pepper spray in the background.
Whatever the case may be, shortly after McCulloch's press conference ended, President Obama went on TV and tried to restore order—but not even his black magic was powerful enough to quell the hungry masses; it was clear to most that justice wasn't being served.
Morning lineup:
Meet The Press: Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick (D); Sen.-Elect Tom Cotton (R-AK); Others TBD.
Face The Nation: Sen.-Elect Thom Tillis (R-NC); Sen.-Elect Gary Peters (D-MI); Brown Family Attorney Benjamin Crump; Ta-Nehisi Coates (The Atlantic); Lehigh University Prof. Dr. James Peterson; Roundtable: John Heilemann (Bloomberg Politics), Michael Crowley (Politico) and Nancy Cordes (CBS News).
This Week: St. Louis Alderman Antonio French (D); Former NYC Police Commissioner Ray Kelly; Jelani Cobb (The New Yorker); Roundtable: Democratic Strategist Donna Brazile, Bill Kristol (Weekly Standard), Bret Stephens (Wall Street Journal) and Cokie Roberts (ABC News).
Fox News Sunday: Darren Wilson's Attorney Neil Bruntrager; Brown Family Attorney Daryl Parks; Marc Morial (National Urban League); Former NYC Mayor Rudy Giuliani (9/11); Roundtable: Kimberley Strassel (Wall Street Journal), Julie Pace (Associated Press), Robert Costa (Washington Post) and Bob Woodward (Washington Post).
State of the Union: Director of the Federal Aviation Administration Michael Huerta; Former NYC Police Commissioner/Convicted Felon Bernard Kerik; Malik Aziz (National Black Police Association); Thomas Manger (Police Executive Research Forum); Detroit Police Chief James Craig; Roundtable: Presidential Historians Richard Norton Smith & Douglas Brinkley, Karen Tumulty (Washington Post) and Peter Baker (New York Times).
Evening lineup:
60 Minutes will feature: a report on the U.N. World Food Programme, which has undertaken the task of feeding Syrian refugees (preview); a report on the hacking of credit card info, which leads to billions of dollars in fraudulent charges annually (preview); and, a profile of a former lion park staffer who saved 26 lions (preview).
On Comedy Central...
As is usually the case when major news breaks, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert were off this week, and so there are no new videos to share.
Instead, here's a recent Daily Show examination of police sensitivity training in Austin, TX. (11/10/14)
The Daily Show
Monday: Judge Andrew Napolitano (Fox News)
Tuesday: Musician/Director Dave Grohl
Wednesday: Sophie Delaunay (Doctors Without Border)
Thursday: Actress/Philanthropist Angelina Jolie
And a Colbert Report investigation into the militarization of America's police forces. (09/02/14)
The Colbert Report
Monday: Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Tuesday: Musicians Tony Bennett & Lady Gaga
Wednesday: Director Christopher Nolan
Thursday: Paul Farmer (Partner Health)
Elsewhere...
Internet TV star Sarah Palin worried that the people who reelected King Obama are destroying America.
"He's rejecting our democratic system, he's turnin' it into the Democrat system, big D, Democrat system. Failed policies. And he's placing our nation in grave danger.
In 2012, voters reelected President Obama, but they did not make him king. Yeah, they reelected President Obama, and I say quite often in some speeches that I give that, oh, 'The era of Obama is almost over,' got two more years, right, soon? It'll be over. And we'l survive this president — the question is, Can we survive the people who voted for him twice?"
Meanwhile...
Televangelist Pat Robertson warned his followers about the destructive power of the gay lifestyle.
"Ladies and gentlemen, our warning should be today, we can't lose that," he said. "And when you have courts that are taking away the very essence of our democracy, the ground from which this great country came, when courts are saying that is unconstitutional, when they’re exulting aberrant lifestyles and saying that's constitutional, when they're defying the very essence of this nation, they are sowing the seeds, not of a new, prosperous nation but the destruction of the one that's already here."
And, in other holiday bleatings...
Elizabeth Lauten, communications director for Rep. Stephen Fincher (R-TN), concern trolled the Obama girls on Facebook.
Dear Sasha and Malia,
I get you're both in those awful teen years, but you're a part of the First Family, try showing a little class. At least respect the part you play. Then again your mother and father don't respect their positions very much, or the nation for that matter, so I'm guessing you're coming up a little short in the 'good role model' department. Nevertheless, stretch yourself. Rise to the occasion. Act like being in the White House matters to you. Dress like you deserve respect, not a spot at a bar. And certainly don't make faces during televised public events.
I believe the children are our future.
- Trix