The first time I entered the 12th century Chartres Cathedral in France, I was stunned to silence by the sheer devotion streaming through the brilliance of those famed stained glass windows, casting rainbows onto the high altar. In that moment, I fully understood how human achievement could be artfully inspired by the concept of God on earth. Yes, even a heathen like me.
Well, Kirk Cameron has made the Shartres Cathedral of movies, built on the hubris of a long-ago irrelevant semi-celebrity from the 80s hawking the damned thing like it was some sort of evangelical ShamWow or fundamentalist Oxiclean. There is no art to be found in this film, nor any inspiring message to the faithful. Only a tedious stretch of a storyline and endless post-release embarrassment for Kirk Cameron.
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I'll say up front that I haven't seen Saving Christmas and have no intention of doing so. First, the reviews make it clear that the movie isn't "so bad it's funny" bad. It is so bad that it is "you will want to rip your own arm off and throw it at the screen" bad. Second, there is no way in hell that Kirk Cameron is getting one thin dime of my gay money. So instead of giving you my opinion of the movie, I'll leave it to the professional opinion givers. I liked how The Wrap's Alonso Duraldi examinated the plot best:
It's not a movie so much as it's an extended Sunday school sermonette, with Cameron teaching his born-again brother-in-law not to dislike Christmas trees, Santa Claus and gifts, because — as “Saving Christmas” is about to expend a great deal of effort to prove — all of those things celebrate the birth and life of Jesus. (Did I mention that this straw man, who can't win an argument to save his life, is named Christian?)
The oft-repeated formula here is to take something that exists and is beloved, and then work backwards to find a way to make it Biblically-inspired. Had “Saving Christmas” run any longer, Cameron would no doubt have found a way to find the divinity in Frosty, Rudolph, the Grinch, peppermint bark, the Elf on the Shelf, frosted cranberry hand soap and Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo.
After sagely convincing his jaded-for-Jesus brother-in-law that God would not frown on him getting down with the trappings and merriment of Christmas, they rejoin the party. The audience is then subjected to an overextended and uncomfortable dance sequence to a hip-hop version of
Angels We Have Heard on High. And that's a wrap.
The film opened to ravingly dreadful reviews:
It is The Room of Christmas movies. Actually, The Room is more enjoyable. But you get the idea.
How do you prove a horse is an animal? Because I like Sweden. That's the style of absurd logic that happens in "Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas"
With a smile so wide and laughter that sounds so forced you half-expect the camera to pull back to reveal hostage takers, Mr. Cameron explains how several facets of the holiday - the tree, Santa Claus, gifts - have roots in religious tradition.
The movie stunk like a stone on the film reviewer's aggregate website, Rotten Tomatoes. Rather than own up to the fact that his movie was an unwatchable piece of shart, Cameron did what many of the popular evangelical kids are doing today and claimed that he was being persecuted by all manner of evil forces bent on destroying Christians and their faith. And Christmas!
He took to Facebook begging his fans to "storm the gates of Rotten Tomatoes" and freep the hell out of the negative rating.
Help me storm the gates of Rotten Tomatoes! All of you who love Saving Christmas - go rate it at Rotten Tomatoes right now and send the message to all the critics that WE decide what movies we want our families to see! If 2,000 of you (out of almost 2 million on this page) take a minute to rate Saving Christmas, it will give the film a huge boost and more will see it as a result! Thank you for all your help and support in putting the joy of Christ back in Christmas!
For a very short time, his scheme worked. Cameron's fans who think he is still the bees knees
flooded the site and managed to game it pretty well. For a moment.
You are A M A Z I N G! You just drove the Rotten Tomato rating to an all-time, soaring high of 94%!
Now the haters and atheists are coming out of the woodwork, attempting to hammer your good work (they rallied to drop your rating super low). They are attempting, once again, to ruin Saving Christmas for everyone. Look at their language, vulgarity, and spirit of hate. They can try to ruin a rating, but they can't stop you from going with family and friends to see Saving Christmas this weekend! If people continue to turn out, the theaters will hold the movie longer. YOU have the power, just like with Rotten Tomatoes, to keep Saving Christmas in the theaters.
Your support sends a very loud message. Films like Soul Surfer, God's Not Dead, Courageous and Saving Christmas are small lights in a dark world. Together, let's light up movie theaters this weekend and remind everyone this Christmas of the true reason for the season. Together, they can't stop us! Are you with me??
At this point, Cameron and his transparent desire to increase his box office take attracted the attention of a wider internet audience. They gave him a piece of their mind, basically declaring him the Ed Wood of Christmas moviemakers.
If Kirk Cameron would have just owned the fact that his movie sucked and left well enough alone, he might have walked away from this debacle relatively unscathed. Instead, his profit-driven ego couldn't let it go and he made himself a laughingstock for the ages. Last week Saving Christmas robbed the spot of The Room on IMDb to capture the title of worst film ever made.
Christmas was never Kirk Cameron's to save. Instead of recognizing that all sorts of people celebrate the holiday and the traditions that go with it, he took his own Christian brothers and sisters to task for not celebrating it Kirk Cameron-style. It was insulting on multiple levels, not least of which was the art of filmmaking.
If he learns any lesson it is this: If someone doesn't want to get caught up in the wrapping and rapping and trappings of Christmas, leave them well alone and get on with your own party.
Suck it up, Kirk Cameron, and Season's Greetings.