The first signal that our ship of financial stability had sprung a leak happened approximately 2 years ago. My husband had been working for the past 12 years as a technical support analyst for a software company. Three different companies while sitting in the same ergonomic office chair. Different cubicle configurations perhaps. That’s the way the IT industry goes sometimes. The company had begun to outsource to India, and at the end of each week, he had to submit a report detailing how he was supporting the new Indian team. Supporting the Indian team in taking his job, that is. Shortly after that, his team received their metaphorical pink slips.
With a nice severance package that he would lose if he didn't stay till the end, he figured he’d take the gamble, and use the six months of severance as a free vacation. He’d use the time to clean up around the house, do some writing, look for his ideal job, and catch up on some old MASH episodes. As anyone accustomed to working full time can tell you, the lack of a daily routine gets real old, real fast. The 6 months whizzed by as he struggled to find a job.
Thankfully, our neighbor found him work at his company. Although he became busy once again, the hours were horrible and our kids knew to be quiet after 8pm because “Daddy needs to get up very, very early” (said in a tense, irritated, sleep-deprived tone). One child hoped he would “stop that stupid job” because her usually happy-go-lucky dad had become so cranky all the time. Cranky and underpaid. This meant accumulated debt with every month he worked there.
No worries though because about a year later, the company is on the verge of going under. Luckily he and all other non-critical employees were laid off, first temporarily for 30 days, then permanently. This man, who has been working since he was a teenager, is collecting unemployment for the first time in his life. Some of his coworkers, critical employees, have had hours cut to 3 days a week. That means far less money and no unemployment benefits. Count us lucky.
Here’s his profile in short: 12 years as a professional in the same full time job at a large and well-respected software company. A specialized leadership position as a function of that job. A few more years in other tech companies before that. At the same time, 18 years at his part-time weekend job at another position. Bachelor’s degree in college. Excellent head on his shoulders and clear common sense. Outgoing and personable. Good social skills and great sense of humor. Trainable and humble. Psychologically sound. Nice interview suit. Good hygiene. Firm handshake.
He can’t get hired.
The financial strain is something only a person going through this can understand. This aspect I will speed through, mainly because it stresses me out to talk about it: funds are depleted, debt is racked, and college is imminent for our older child. The financial and psychological stress is real and huge. One major question I constantly ask: How is it that I’m getting older, life is supposed to be getting better, and yet we’re at the cusp of financial ruin? How does that happen to hard-working, “decent” people? How does this happen to anyone?
There are days when it feels like everyone has a sign on his head that reads “I have a job and your husband doesn't”. Our friends have jobs. Their spouses have jobs. Our neighbors have jobs. The mailman has a job. Even my teenager has a job. When we start to talk about it though, it seems that we’re not the only ones in this situation. However, the subject of unemployment is taboo. Something that happens to the best of us, but that we don’t talk about. In fact he’s just one of over 10 million people in this country who are unemployed. When we do talk about it, we often hear stories about the time it happened to other people too. In hushed whispers, I learn that so-and-so got really depressed. That so-and-so struggled for 2 years before she found a job, and then the company folded. That so-and-so’s marriage couldn't take the strain. It’s difficult to speak openly about it because it somehow signals that one is lacking – in skills, education, contacts, a good resume, personality, or any number of other factors. It’s discussed among close friends in hushed whispers because it’s a little bit embarrassing.
My husband is not embarrassed though. Maybe because he knows he has a lot to offer. Maybe because he believes everything in life happens for a reason. Maybe it’s because he’s an eternal optimist. Plus, he’s really hustling. He has reached out to old colleagues, friends, neighbors, even parents of our kids’ friends. Here’s another aspect you get only if you've gone through it. It’s tough on a relationship. I didn't set out to be the sole breadwinner. I don’t like it, and it doesn't pay our mortgage and bills. Every day I get home, he’s there, and I go to that negative place. I wonder – what the hell has he done all day?! Then I realize it’d be different if he weren't trying. It’d be easy to lash out, to blame, to criticize. But he’s been diligently looking and actively applying.
I don’t know what keeps him positive. I sure as heck would feel demoralized. In the past few weeks, recruiters have called about 1 year contract positions (that’s not going to pay for college), 6 month contracts, even 3 month contracts. Who’s taking those jobs?! And then when he quickly gets over himself and applies for the jobs…Why can’t he get these jobs?!
I suggested he expand his search and he emailed me some job postings in Washington, DC. They were for Animal Keeper Elephants and Animal Keeper Carnivores. I chuckled about the idea of him shoveling elephant excrement as a job, not so much because he’s above that station, but because it’s so different from what his work experiences have been. A few days later, he told me he didn't even qualify. I thought he was joking about shoveling elephant excrement, but turns out he looked into it and doesn't meet the qualifications.
Two weeks ago, he had his fifth – FIFTH! – interview with a company he really liked, for a job he was excited about, qualified for, and would be an excellent fit for. It had been a true marathon with numerous hour-long phone calls, in-person interviews, and lots of finger-crossing over a period of about 3 weeks. In the end, he got an email saying they were re-evaluating the position and not hiring.
On the same day that he received that email, he had a second in-person interview with another company. This was for a low-level tech support job. He felt he nailed the first interview via Skype and was excited for his in-person interview, getting a fresh haircut that morning. He printed resumes, reviewed everything, tolerated a mock interview with me, shined his shoes and headed out. He walked into the office and sat at a table across from a human resources manager. The guy stared at him while he took a paper quiz with very technical computer science questions. The guy looked at the quiz and said, “Sorry, you failed and will not be moving forward to the interview”. The wizard will not see you.
A recruiter called the other day and asked him if he was interested in a job in Columbia, South Carolina. He said he was looking for something in the Metropolitan DC area. The guy goes, “So you don’t want this job in Columbia, South Carolina?”
A few nights ago, he went to a meet and greet hiring event at a new and swanky restaurant. A friend of a friend referred him and would get a hiring bonus if he were hired. There was an open bar but he drank water and appropriately schmoozed with the CEO and different managers for 2 hours. He stood out as a professional among the only 5 other job-seekers. Most were disheveled. No one brought resumes and one stood in a corner and didn't talk to anyone. Interviews make my husband nervous, but he thrives on “casual” social situations like this. He also nailed the meet and greet that evening. He did not get a call back. It was then that it occurred to him that the meet and greet was likely just a way to write off a great holiday party. That would explain the 30-40 other employees making merriment in the other room. And also, he found out that the friend of the friend who referred him was just let go along with 15 other employees.
Recently, he had another job prospect. This was for an extremely large corporation. Surely they have hundreds of positions for someone with an education and good working experience. They liked his resume and sent him links to about 6 tests. When he was done with the 2 ½ hour battery of tests, he told me there were tech tests, customer service tests, multitasking tests, typing tests, and other tests. One test involved a Sudoku puzzle. One test involved a picture of a red fish and a black fish, and questions about which fish to catch, best scenarios to catch the fish, and different strategies for catching them. Also, there were three separate tests in which he was asked to answer on a Likert scale different variations of “I feel the need to smash things”. Today he followed up with the company and was told he did not pass the tests and that he was disqualified from applying for any other jobs for the next 6 months. If we hadn't already reached the humorous, cracking-up stage of this job search, I’m sure he would have felt the need to smash things at that point!
I’m not sure how this story will end. Most leads have felt really good, yet it’s been one disappointment after another. But like the first time he was unemployed before our neighbor helped out, we’re settling into this temporary life change. No doubt the fact that he’s making job hunting his full time day job helps, and sticking my head in the sand about our financial dire straits also helps. But there clearly are some upsides. He’s home when I get home from work. He offers to pick up dinner. He makes doctor’s appointments and takes the kids to the dentist. He’s bonding with our newly adopted dog who has severe separation anxiety. He’s always willing to run errands with me and the company is fun. When it’s not too cold, he’s up for going for a run or walking the dog with me. I have a partner to stay up late and watch movies with. The other day, he watched Holiday Baking Championship, got the idea of rice krispy treats in his head, and then zipped out to buy ingredients for a late night cooking session with the younger child. And today, I noticed there are ingredients on the counter for a pumpkin pie he plans to make. Though it will be a great relief to our family when he does finally get a job, it will be bittersweet, unless the more positive aspects of being unemployed stick. Then hopefully we’ll just be left with some crazy stories we can laugh at of interviews that tested his perseverance, rejections that tested his will, and assessments that tested his desire to smash things.