Today, February third, House Republicans stiffened their spines--at least--in an historic 56th act of mutual masturbation over the Affordable Care Act. This peculiar recurring public self-pleasuring has become a nasty habit; enough of one that some concerned staffers have begun searching the internet to secure the services of Palm Barbers and eye doctors other than the dubiously credentialed Rand Paul.
Witnesses of this latest feverish ceremonial popping of fresh cherries and ancient and crumbling corks reported the usual sweaty, suety faces of politicians twisted in the inexplicable ecstasy this mass, mutual delivering of strokes to a dead horse--and each other--inspires. Afterward there were the usual sly, knowing winks and heavy-lidded glances freighted with carnal knowing, and post-coital whispers of promises of further descents into public debasement exchanged among the participants.
Already party whips are diligently securing fresh tissues and another round of replacement tubs of Crisco and Kentucky jelly to prepare for the go-round--and down--sure to follow. Most observers, once they stop retching, predict an inevitable spurning of counsel against temptation to do it again, treating the American public to yet another kinky glad-handing with each other in what was once a brief fling with right-wing comity that has sadly become a neurotic, obsessive, degenerate habit they seem unwilling to break.