An older big stocky and proud german farm woman from North Dakota whose been feeling ill for a while finally gives in to her neighbor's concerns and accepts a ride to the emergency room. Not feeling well and kinda chilled she's wearing' her late husband's too big Carhart coat, and she's been too sick to do her nails, put on a bra, and deal with that little "mustache" that seems to come with menopause. So she's sitting in the waiting area of the ER, see's a "WOMEN" sign at the end of the room, and figures she'd better take the opportunity while it's available.
Her passage into the "one holer" is noted by the armed private security guard... They got them all over down here... as he was turning away from his usual diet of Faux News to refill his bottomless cup of free coffee. In a slow motion special forces assault, he shoots out the lock on the restroom door and drags the still undressed North Dakota grandmother out, not even giving her time to wipe. Within a minute a half dozen more security guards have her handcuffed spread eagled on the cold floor in terror and shivering, and they return too their coffee and a fresh box of donuts while awaiting the Sheriff's arrival to transport this high criminal.
Not knowing that carrying your birth certificate and chromosome test results is soon to be required in Florida, our North Dakota farm widow is thrown into the "tank" of the men's jail. A nurse is finally called to check on her next day and finds her deceased, and no autopsy will be performed to determine if she died from her illness or gang rape, as the Sheriff "didn't want to further stress her family".
What happened to the Florida pitch of warm and sunny winters under the palms, enjoying a carefree retirement? Surely the Florida that has built an economy on medicare fraud, drugs both legal and illegal, and luring northerners to spend their pensions on swampland isn't about to drive away northerners with money en masse? Unfortunately a state representative from Miami, Frank Artiles (R, how could you guess?) didn't get the memo from the tourism/(over)development promoters who run the state, and he's introduced HB538, a bill for an act to keep those scary trans people from doing what comes... well, naturally... In a gender appropriate restroom where they won't get bashed.
With the sloppy aim we've come to expect from the party of unlimited firearms fetishism, Rep. Artiles has taken aim at those rare (.1% of the population) trans birds and hit the intersex kids, short clean shaven guys, and those big sweet North Dakota grandmothers instead. Not that Florida's public restrooms are anything special- I mistakenly ventured into a portable toilet in a state forest campground the other day that looked like it hadn't seen a pump out in months, never mind a much needed washout!
So if you're thinking of escaping New England's snowdrifts for Florida sunshine, make sure you're wearing the appropriate gender normative clothes once you cross the state line, and have your "papers" with just in case. Or better yet, spend your $$$ in a state where everyone is welcome!