From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Thursday + Haiku = Haithurksdayu!
Jeb rebrands himself
(Shh...ixnay on the astpay)
I'm Captain Future!
Bibi Boehner Tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Get a room you two
Turn your head and cough
Millions getting first checkups
Thanks Obamacare
Swift, brutal attacks
A heartless and deadly foe
Can drones strike blizzards?
Gays wed in 'Bama
Roy Moore snarls: "Watch me stop them."
Gays wed in 'Bama
Rand Paul gets tush spanked
By Pinterest. Pinterest!!!
Real presidential
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, February 19, 2015
Note: To deal with a squirt of grapefruit juice to the eye, quickly jump up and run around the house screaming. Add profanity until the pain subsides and follow up with a dirty look to your partner for suggesting that you're being melodramatic.
---Your Friends at The New England Journal of Medicine
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Takes flight in 14 days!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Daylight Saving Time starts:
17
Days 'til the
2015 San Diego Bird Festival:
14
Number of registered users at Daily Kos:
1,252,320
(Source: BruinKid)
Percent of Americans who disapprove and approve, respectively, of John Boehner arranging Netanyahu's speech to Congress without giving President Obama a heads-up:
63%, 33%
(Source: CNN/ORG poll)
Gallons of fuel that were in each of the 19 oil-train cars that derailed in West Virginia:
30,000
Number of U.S. congressional districts in which trade with China
has produced more jobs than it has cost:
1
(Source: Harper's Index)
Rank of Lego on Brand Finance's list of the world's most powerful brands:
#1
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
As regular readers know, I call upon the Lord rather frequently myself, often for patience in dealing with those who presume to speak in His name. To whatever extent each of us is affected by religion, I suppose we inevitably bring that into the public sphere. But I seriously question the wisdom of doing so in any organized or deliberate fashion. Drag God into politics, and you'll ruin His reputation in no time.
Again, this may be a matter of taste, but I have seen too many Psalm-singing, Bible quoting, Holy Joe hypocrites in politics to think these frauds improve the moral tone of our public life. Getting snookered by some canting humbug is even more depressing than getting snookered by a plain old crook.
---June, 2004
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Rocky's future is golden
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CHEERS to famous firsts. Here's tweet #1 on day #1 from Oregon's first 38th governor and America's first bisexual governor:
First order of business: getting caught up on the rental fee for using Portland, Maine's name as the name of Oregon's largest city. I believe $58 million will get us squared away.
P.S. And 26 cents. But that part's negotiable.
Jeb Bush
JEERS to
Dubya Part II: Fool Me Can't Get Fooled Again Harder. Jeb Bush gave a speech on foreign policy yesterday, and here's all you need to know: his #1 mission on foreign policy is to spend eight years getting lap dances from the military-industrial complex as he stuffs billion-dollar bills
down its g-string. "That sounds like a great plan," said George W from inside Jeb's double-deadbolted toolshed.
JEERS to really bad ideas from really good presidents. On February 19, 1942, President Roosevelt signed the order that would lead to the "relocation" (read: forced detention) of Japanese Americans and Japanese nationals living here. How do we know it was a really, really bad decision? Because nutcase Michelle Malkin thinks it was a really, really good decision. Case closed.
CHEERS to second chances. If 2015 hasn't gotten off to a good enough start for you, here's good news: you get a do-over! Today marks the start of the Chinese New Year---#4713. Specifically, the Year of the Sheep. If you were born in 1919, 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003 or 2015, you are...
Another quality of sheep is
they're sooooooo CUTE!!!
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…never happier than when making others happy. The most thoughtful and kindhearted friends, Sheep are naturally very popular within their social circle. Even so, they probably much prefer to spend time alone recharging their batteries while either lazing on the couch or spending time in a peaceful countryside setting. Artistic and innovative, Sheep make great craftspeople and, true to their natures, love spending time alone dreaming up new ideas. Of course, that's not to say that Sheep are not ambitious. Once they find their life's work, they are very passionate about what they do.
But this New Year brings with it some ambiguity in America because the word "yang" can mean
sheep or goat. To avoid confusion, the tea party says it will wait to hear which one President Obama calls it. And then call it by the other name.
CHEERS to escaping with your buns intact. One of the Oscar Meyer "Wienermobiles" got ambushed by winter and slid into a pole. The driver is okay. While being checked out at the hospital he received flowers and cards from his family, his co-workers and every late-night joke writer in America.
JEERS to slowpokery. On February 19, 1986, the Senate approved a treaty that said genocide was unacceptable. What's really amazing is that the treaty was first introduced in 1949...and was signed 37 years after the pact had first been offered up for ratification. Or, as the Senate call it: the speed of light.
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Ten years ago in C&J: February 19, 2005
JEERS to crying wolf, Part 39. Let's see. Bush is getting battered on Social Security. The Jeff Gannon/Guckert story is nipping at his heels. His budget is causing an uproar. Iraq isn't getting any better and now we're playing a game of chicken with Iran and North Korea. Sounds like conditions are perfect for a...TERROR WARNING!!! Underwear on heads aaaaand...duct tape your family!
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And just one more…
CHEERS to incurring the wrath of Saint Billeh. I had a good laugh over the recent revelation that Republicans have a new grand scheme to bamboozle the public:
[Maine] Gov. Paul LePage used some variation of the word “prosper” at least 10 times while promoting his far-reaching tax plan during his State of the State address Tuesday. LePage isn’t the only Republican referring to his plan as a “pathway to prosperity.” And he isn’t the only Republican governor who believes that aggressive reductions in the income tax, offset by increases in sales and other taxes, will result in a booming economy and personal wealth for residents.
I thought that deserved a response from little old Citizen Me. So I sent the
Portland Press Herald a love letter:
Here’s my response to Gov. LePage and the other Republican governors (and their lavishly paid strategists) around the country who claim that their economic plan is going to result in “prosperity” for all:
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
What a load of baloney. It’s 2015 and we’re still waiting for “trickle-down” economics to bring the prosperity that Ronald Reagan and his supply-siders promised.
Meanwhile, we’re still recovering from Reagan disciple George W. Bush’s own trickle-down economics, which shot the economy full of holes and led to the Great Recession. And who’s successfully digging us out? Of course---a Democratic president.
Republicans can repackage their economic snake oil as “prosperity” all they want, but the only people who are going to buy in to it are the ones who have been living under a rock since, oh, 1981.
The words “Republican” and “prosperity” should never appear in the same sentence except during a routine at a comedy club.
The funniest part about this? I originally wrote "What a load of bull." The newspaper politely asked if I would mind changing it to "baloney." That is
so adorable.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Fox Hosts Promote Bill in Portland Maine As The "Sexy" 2016 Hopeful
---Media matters
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