From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Late Night Snark: Madness d' March
"Congress has a party and doesn't invite Obama. Sounds like Obama's the winner in that one!"
---Larry Wilmore
"Today during his speech in Washington, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu repeatedly referred to Congress as 'my friends.' It was a move that had many in Congress Googling the word 'friend.'"
---Seth Meyers
Dear World: Please stop doing this to our
money. Love, Canadian Muckety Mucks.
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"To stop the president from being too lenient on immigration, [Republicans] want to defund the department that secures the border? That's like saying, 'Y'know, you kids are too horny and oversexed, so your mother and I have decided to take away all of your clothes. From now on, if your friends want to visit you they gotta do it in our house, in the basement, on our couch, without supervision, next to the liquor cabinet, while this Barry White album is playing!"
---Jon Stewart
"When Jeb Bush was at prep school, he was apparently not only just a pothead but a dealer. He dismisses that by saying, 'Back then I was a cynical little turd at a cynical school.' But then when you became a governor of a state, you insisted on mandatory sentences for drug crimes and a policy of jail only, no treatment, for drug users. Except when it was your daughter…when you made an exception. Wow, that sounds like something a cynical turd would do."
---Bill Maher
"Some people are saying Bill O'Reilly exaggerated his war experience in the 1980s. People became suspicious because O'Reilly said he was injured in the East Coast/West Coast rap wars."
---Conan O'Brien
Great news from Maine: forecasters say our snowbanks will be down to five feet by spring. Awesome. Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, March 6, 2015
Note: As of today, there are only 300 days left in the year. Please plan your 2016 New Years resolutions accordingly.
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Starts tomorrow!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Easter:
30
Days 'til the 10th annual
Cherry Blossom Festival in San Diego:
1
The last time unemployment fell in every state and DC over the course of a year, as it did in 2014:
1984
(Source:
Washington Post)
Percent chance that the auto industry hired rocket scientists to find out what the hell's wrong with those Takata airbags that keep exploding with too much force and hurting people:
100%
(Source:
The Portland Press Herald)
Year in which Protestants lost their majority religious status in America:
2014
Percent chance Americans are "turning away from organized religion in record numbers":
100%
(Source:
Public Religion Research Institute)
Number of
Green News and Views environmental roundups Meteor Blades has compiled over the last 9 years:
350
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Gotta hand it to the creatives at Geico. They know how to make an impression:
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CHEERS to the Obama jobs recovery: Year 6, Month 2. The February numbers from the Bureau of Workin' Stiffs came out this morning. Here's the graph with, as always, Bush's GOP-style employment legacy over on the left side for comparison:
New jobs added last month: 295,000. Sixty straight months of job growth. Overall unemployment rate: 5.5 percent. Obviously, as Jared Bernstein points out, it's not
all champagne and caviar. But it's still pretty impressive when you consider that Obama blew past Mitt Romney's 2012 employment prediction
in half the time. But look at me, just yammering away about jobs jobs jobs. What was that you were saying about the failure of Obama's job-killing policies, Republicans, before I interrupted you? Please proceed…
CHEERS to a rather substantial teachable moment. Big, big day tomorrow down in Selma, Alabama. It's the 50th anniversary commemmoration of the day in 1965 that became known as "Bloody Sunday" after a march by 600 civil rights demonstrators was broken up when "state and local lawmen attacked them with billy clubs and tear gas" and whatever else they could get their right-wing hands on:
Police greet John Lewis in Selma March 7, 1965.
“The civil rights movement . . . at its best” is how Rep. John Lewis (D-Ga.), whose head was cracked open by state troopers on the bridge that day, describes it now. …
The president will be making the trip with his wife and daughters. There will also be at least 95 members of Congress in attendance---Republicans and Democrats---making the journey, organized by the Faith and Politics Institute.
Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-Ohio), one of the co-leaders of the delegation with Sen. Tim Scott (R-S.C.), said he believes the trip could help spur some Republicans to reconsider their positions on voting rights legislation. … Scott, one of just two African Americans in the Senate, had a more modest goal: “Hopefully we will form the bond of friendship,” he said.
Yes. Just like the way black voters form the bond of friendship while standing in line for eight hours in the blazing sun to vote (assuming they're not turned away because they don’t have the half a dozen forms of ID required) thanks to Jim Crow-style laws passed in recent years by the party Tim Scott belongs to with the blessing of the Republicans on the Supreme Court because they don't know how to win elections the honest way. Golly, I feel a group hug coming on.
We'll be charitable and
call his a "mixed legacy."
JEERS to turning a blind eye to pedophilia. Cardinal Edward Egan, former archbishop of New York, is
dead at 82. (Anybody need a tissue? No? Anyone?) During his pre-NYC reign in Connecticut, his robed underlings were schtupping boys faster than Wonder could pump out loaves of bread, and he insisted that none of those cases should've ever been reported to authorities. (Although he did once use the passive weasel phrase "mistakes may have been made," but then recanted even that.) Settlement money to date from those sex crimes: a whopping $15 million. Of course, being a model Catholic himself, Egan held firm to his own vow of chastity. And therein lies an important lesson, kids: celibacy kills.
JEERS to wretch-worthy judgments. On March 6, 1857, the Supreme Court ruled in the Dred Scott case. Their brilliant conclusion: slaves aren’t citizens, according to their strict interpretation of the Constitution:
Dred Scott's grave
in St. Louis, Missouri.
[I]n the opinion of the justices, black people were not considered citizens when the Constitution was drafted in 1787. According to [Chief Justice Roger] Taney, Dred Scott was the property of his owner, and property could not be taken from a person without due process of law. In fact, there were free black citizens of the United States in 1787, but Taney and the other justices were attempting to halt further debate on the issue of slavery in the territories.
The decision inflamed regional tensions, which burned for another four years before exploding into the Civil War.
Chief Justice Taney---with political pressure from none other than President Buchanan---thought the decision would settle the issue of slavery. I think enough time has passed that I can say with reasonable confidence: what a dope.
JEERS to clipped wings. Couple of hold-your-breath moments yesterday in the world of lighter-than-air mahines. A jetliner skidded off the runway at LaGuardia Airport and almost plunged into Thatsfuckingcold Bay. Half a dozen injuries reported. And Harrison Ford had engine trouble with his W.W. II trainer and crash-landed onto a golf course, missing a hiole-in-one by thaaat much. He's banged up but otherwise fine, according to his son. Authorities have finished their preliminary investigation and they all agree: Worst. Kessel. Run. Ever.
Tonight on 'Real Time': Taibbi!
CHEERS to home vegetation. I mostly turn on the TV so I can keep tabs on what the poltergeists in our house are plotting. (Last night I heard them say "nail gun," which worries me a bit.) This weekend's tubage starts with mad switching between
Maddow and
Shark Tank from 9 to 10. On HBO's
Real Time, Bill Maher's guest roster includes Lawrence Wright, John Ridley, David Axelrod, Matt Taibbi and Genevieve Wood. Tomorrow you can catch the live Selma commemoration coverage on MSNBC. New
DVD releases include
Foxcatcher and
Hunger Games: Are You Gonna Eat That Last Cannoli, Part I. Chris Hemsworth hosts SNL. The NBA schedule
is here and the NHL schedule
is here. (The Bruins will "ground" the Flyers Ha Ha Ha!) And Sunday night, before John Oliver's
Last Week Tonight on HBO, Jon Stewart co-hosts
Night of Too Many Stars on Comedy Central to raise money for Autism Education.
And here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Sunday on MTP: John Lewis!
Meet the Press: Congressman John Lewis (D-GA) on what it was like to cross the Edmund Pettus Bridge on "Bloody Sunday," and the civil rights victories and setbacks that have happened since; a bizarre pairing of Curt Schilling and Sen. Claire McCaskill (D-MO) to talk about "the powerful coarsening of rhetoric in America." What a stupid topic they're so stupid and probably commies sent here by Satan and Chuck Todd is getting fat!!!
This Week: Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) fans Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) with a magnolia branch to keep him from fainting from the threat of evildoers killing us all in our feather beds; Colin Powell on Selma and how it had absolutely nothing to do with his decision to hold up that vial of baby powder at the U.N., condemning thousands of American servicemen and hundreds of thousands of Iraqi civilians to their deaths and creating the conditions that led to ISIS' uprising, all for a big heinous lie over oil; Iraqi Prime Minister Haider al-Abadi on how sucky his job is these days, but at least he gets a 401(k) and dental; Ferguson Mayor James Knowles.
Face the Nation: Bob Schieffer talks issues with Senator Mitch McConnell while feeding him lettuce leaves; Rep. Trey Gowdy requires a drool cup as he discusses pre-impeachment options against Hillary Clinton; Senator Chuck Schumer does his usual competent job of damage control; civil rights/police brutality discussion with the attorney for Trayvon Martin's and Michael Brown's family, Benjamin Crump and, inexplicably, black Republican Senator and voting rights opponent Tim Scott (R-SC).
CNN's State of the Union: Who knows? They haven't updated their site in five days. Must be on a bender.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Which technological expert does Chris Wallace rely on to sort out fact from fiction in the complex, nuanced and still-evolving Hillary Clinton email story? Of course---GOP presidential contender Mike Huckabee, who else?Plus Lanny Davis---I forget, is he a good Clintonista or a bad Clintonista?
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Four years ago in C&J: March 6, 2011
JEERS to arachnocarjackers. Well, here's something you don’t see every day: Mazda says it's recalling 65,000 vehicles because they've been attacked by venomous "yellow sac" spiders. The good news: the company assures customers that no actual damage has been reported to any of the vehicles. The bad news: removing a Mazda from the belly of a yellow sac spider is a bitch.
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And just one more…
Spring forward...or ELSE!!!
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CHEERS to emerging from the dark times. I know, I know…for many of you Daylight Saving Time sucks. But up here where global warming is a hoax, it's a real shot in the arm to get that extra hour of daylight, and well worth the excruciating childbirth-like pain of losing an hour of sleep. So here's the deal: make a note to turn your clocks ahead an hour Sunday morning. Or better yet, make a note to tell someone
else in your house to do it because you're sick of always being the one who has to do it. As usual, Democrats on Capitol Hill will help their Republican colleagues set their pocket watches. If left to do it themselves, they won’t stop until they've turned 'em back fifty years.
Have a great weekend minus that one hour! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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