Inspired by something said in a post by @skip945 that I think is getting overlooked I have decided that I too will come out publicly. This is no secret to any member of my family, nor to my closest friends, but it has been hanging over my for all of my 50 years. So (deep breath, deep breath) here goes.
I am a heterosexual, white male.
Oddly in this society, In this society it is a mandatory part of life for a gay man to "come out"... to declare his sexuality publicly.
Those words resonate in my head like crazy - that it has become part of the ritual that in order to be a "proper"gay man one must in some well-established forum declare for all the world to see that "I am who I am."
It's ridiculous. I don't give a damn who is gay or who is straight. Another person's sexual orientation has no impact on me unless they wish to engage directly in such a fashion with me. And flattery aside (and it is flattering - I recognize that I'm no catch) I'm not on the market and haven't been in a very long time. Ooh - I should also declare that I'm married.
I honestly wish we were at a point where the whole idea that a person coming out wasn't ritualized like this. That in order to be "different from us" a person has to declare it for all to see - it strikes me that this ritual only accomplishes making it easier to identify the "other" for "the us". It's a form of built in discrimination and even worse it is self-inflicted and self-enforced. This is the point we've evolved to.
I've known gay people most of my life. As a kid in a small town I once saw two men kissing in a "sketchy" neighborhood and I asked my mom if they could do that. I will never forget her reply, "He can kiss him if he wants him to." She said the same thing when an unexpected sex scene came up in a movie and I asked the same question.
I have lost gay friends. In the 1980s many people I knew died before we really understood AIDS. Some were closeted. Some weren't. The ritual was in place then too.
I have gay friends now. None are closeted but in all truth I may not actually know this to be true. A couple of my male friends my age are bachelors. A couple of my female ones unmarried. But in truth it doesn't matter to me that I don't know. For me they could not be diminished as my friend one way or the other.
That for some people this is conditional of the level of friendship you are willing to endow is just sad.
I am truthfully happy for @skip945 that he has come to a point in his life where he can be comfortable with making his declaration. I support anything that allows him (and anyone else) be comfortable within their own skins. But I really do wish that this part wasn't a necessary step.
Perhaps I don't understand it. After all, I'm not gay. But if someone has to be brave and make this declaration then perhaps so should the rest of us. Perhaps the rest of us should be held to the same scrutiny and be just as nervous about it.
Will my friends accept me because I'm straight? I've never had to ask myself that question - and that is horribly unfair if a gay man has to ask himself if his friends will accept him because he is gay. Either difficult or easy, it should be the same for both of us.
I hate that it's not. It troubles me greatly that people can't just simply be.
I am a straight white male. I am comfortable with that. I am also comfortable if you are not. I hope you find love, peace, and prosperity. I am looking for the same. Perhaps a small part of the journey for us both can be shared.
I hope you can accept me. I will hopefully accept you (hey, I'm less than perfect too and may find some other idiotic reason). That should be enough but we straight people have a lot of work yet to do to reach common ground. On behalf of us all, my apologies.
Lastly, to @skip945: I got your back. Here's hoping you don't need it.
UPDATE: Well, this has been quite the afternoon, hasn't it? Community spotlight and Rescued - only the 2nd time that something I've written has been so distinguished and in both cases I'm not convinced that I deserved it. That said, I would like to thank everyone for contributing to the dialog and an extra special thanks to @skip945 for deigning to acknowledge my minor contribution to his day. To everyone who supported the things I said and the method I chose, thank you. To everyone who disagreed with me or criticized me for missing things or for being completely wrong, thank you.
I am privileged. I was born white and male and straight in the United States. I have experienced some of the same things gays have because of my long hair (something I have discussed elsewhere) and because I have the minimal ability to empathize with people who aren't like me, but there are many things I have not experienced and most likely never will. Please correct me when I am wrong. I can take it.
Thank you everyone. Love, peace and prosperity be upon all your houses.
-Chris
UPDATE x2: As you all know by know Governor Mike Pence of Indiana, following in the footsteps of the state legislature, just embarrassed all us straights. I have always been amazed at how much straw men get offended by real people. To paraphrase Berke Breathed, it must be empowering to be offended all the time - I can't imagine any other reason to do it. I just can't do it myself.
I wish I had something more important to say than that. Keep on keeping on my friends. We'll get it right eventually.