From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
One Poll to Rule Them All
The first C&J "Who won the week" poll was posted seven years ago this week, on March 28, 2008. Despite efforts on the part of Gallup, PPP, Pew and RATSmussen to duplicate my secret formula, none survived more than a few weeks without going down in flames of ridicule and scorn. Nor has Kossack poblano (better known by his screen name "Nate Silver" and I hope one day he explains how he came to choose that mysterious nom de blogger) been able to predict each week's winner with any degree of certainty above three percent---his one and only statistical Achilles heel for which he hates me and all the humans and human-animal hybrids in my bloodline.
As you contemplate tonight's candidates, here are some scattered winners chosen by you over the years that were particularly snarky or otherwise memorable:
6/27/08 The folks in San Francisco who tried to get a sewage treatment plant named after George W. Bush.
8/5/08 Paris Hilton, for responding to John McCain's anti-Obama "celebrity" ad with one of her own at Funny or Die.
10/31/08 Texan Amanda Jones, the daughter of a slave, who cast her vote for Barack Obama at age 109.
3/20/09 Daily Kos, for placing #3 on Bill O'Reilly's "Media Enemies List."
8/23/09 Barney Frank, for his response to a Lyndon LaRouche idiot at a town hall meeting who compared Obama to Hitler: "On what planet do you spend most of your time?"
10/2/09 Rep. Alan Grayson, for characterizing the GOP healthcare plan this way on the House floor: "Don't get sick. If you do get sick, die quickly."
3/26/10 Everyone associated with passage of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act.
5/21/10 Rachel Maddow, for grilling Rand Paul for admitting he wouldn't have voted for part of the 1964 Civil Rights Act.
7/16/10 Whoever figured out how to cap that damn well in the Gulf of Mexico during the Deepwater Horizon disaster.
2/25/11 Blogger Ian Murphy, for duping Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker into thinking he was speaking on the phone with David Koch.
5/6/11 President Obama, along with the intelligence and special-ops team that put an end to Osama bin Laden.
9/30, 10/4, 10/14, 10/28, 11/4 and 11/18/11 The Occupy protesters.
2/17/12 Reps. Carolyn Maloney (D-NY) and Eleanor Holmes Norton (D-DC) who walked out on the House Oversight Committee's hearing on contraception coverage because no women were on the witness list.
4/20/12 The penguin that bit Newt Gingrich.
9/21/12 David Corn and James Carter IV for releasing the secret Mitt Romney "47% of Americans are moochers" video.
1/11/13 Gabby Giffords and Mark Kelly, for taking a leading role in the effort to curb gun violence.
5/31/13 Former Republican Senator and '96 presidential candidate Bob Dole, for saying his party has no ideas and should shut its doors.
11/29/13 Pope Francis, for issuing a papal manifesto that calls for an end to trickle-down economics and the 'new tyranny' of income inequality.
1/10 and 1/17/14 The Bergen Record, Wall Street Journal, Steve Kornacki and The Rachel Maddow Show, for breaking open the Chris Christie "Bridgegate" scandal.
4/11/14 Attorney General Eric Holder, for his committee-hearing parting shot to Rep. Louie Gohmert: "Good luck with your asparagus."
8/15 and 8/22/14 The Ferguson, Missouri protesters.
By the way, "Senator" Barack Obama won our first poll. And the next. And the next. And the next. In fact, he's won 69 of the 339 WWTW polls voted on by the Daily Kos community, making him undisputedly FIRST (frist?) in the hearts of his countrymen. (Sorry, George Washington, but we're just not into your "uniformity in weights and measures" shtick anymore.) Good luck in tonight's poll---we're all counting on you.
Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, March 27, 2015
Note: Due to a foreseen accident involving a meat truck, an army of ferrets in red jumpsuits and a giant ray gun, there will be no C&J on Monday. Back Tuesday to defer all questions about the incident to my lawyer.
-
14 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Weeks 'til the start of the Memorial Day weekend:
8
Days 'til
Coachella in Indio, California:
14
Percent of Americans who believe America should be spending more on health care:
57%
Percent of Americans who believe their taxes are too high:
57%
(Source: 2014 General Social Survey)
Percent of vehicle crashes caused by teen drivers that were due, respectively, to looking for something inside the vehicle, singing/moving to music, and grooming:
10%, 8%, 6%
(Source: AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety analysis)
Percent chance that federal workers are more likely to be up to date on
paying their taxes:
100%
(Source: AP)
Drop in year-to-year sales of vodka in Russia, where the economic crisis is forcing many to turn instead to bathtub liquor and cleaning products:
17.6%
(Source: FiveThirtyEight)
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: The latest from the photo booth…
-
CHEERS to new adventures in gravity-defiance. In a picture-perfect liftoff, EXCEPTIONAL AMERICAN ASTRONAUT SCOTT KELLY AND (russian cosmonauts mikhail kornienko and gennady padalka) were launched into space this afternoon (from russia). Kelly and Kormenko will be part of a one-year endurance experiment that will test the limits of the human body and mind in zero gravity:
"Settle down back there or
I'm turning this thing around."
This knowledge is critical as NASA looks toward human journeys deeper into the solar system, including to and from Mars, which could last 500 days or longer. It also carries potential benefits for humans here on Earth, from helping patients recover from long periods of bed rest to improving monitoring for people whose bodies are unable to fight infections.
While Scott Kelly is in space, his identical twin brother, retired NASA astronaut Mark Kelly, will participate in a number of comparative genetic studies. Some of these experiments will include the collection of blood samples as well as psychological and physical tests. Kelly and will spend 342 days off the planet resulting in a total of 522 days in space, allowing him to surpass current U.S. record holder Mike Fincke’s mark of 382 days.
I'm doing a similar experiment. It's called the effects of a lifetime of round-trips to the liquor store. So far…inconclshive. More shtudy is nedred.
CHEERS to embracing the dark side. Don’t forget to turn off your lights (yes, including your lava lamp) tomorrow night at 8:30 and join the world in going dark for Earth Hour:
Hey, you at the edge of the
earth! Turn that light out!
Earth Hour is a worldwide grassroots movement uniting people to protect the planet, and is organised by WWF. Engaging a massive mainstream community on a broad range of environmental issues, … The first Earth Hour event was on March 31 2007. WWF-Australia inspired Sydney-siders to show their support for climate change action. More than 2.2 million individuals and 2,000 businesses turned their lights out for one hour in the first Earth Hour event.
The second-to-last and last weekend of March is around the time of the Spring and Autumn equinoxes in the northern and southern hemispheres respectively, which allows for near coincidental sunset times in both hemispheres, thereby ensuring the greatest visual impact for a global ‘lights out’ event.
Give it a try! You'll save a little juice, save a little scratch, join the rest of the planet in a good cause, and as a special bonus you'll experience what happens inside a Republican's head when someone asks them to come up with a good idea.
JEERS to the God Squad. Yesterday Indiana's Republicans hurled a lightning bolt at the LGBT community by signing into law a bill that allows private businesses to post
"No Fags Allowed" signs in their windows and have the legal standing to get away with it. So now all the god-fearin' Christian Hoosiers in the wedding business can rest assured that they won't have to take the money of the heathen sodomites. (But atheists or Satan worshippers? Come on in, you're tops!) Okay, then. Let the boycotts begin.
Tyler was Mr. Burns before
Mr. Burns was Mr. Burns.
CHEERS to "His Accidency." Happy 225th birthday Sunday to "#10" John Tyler, who became president when William Henry Harrison kicked the bucket after ingesting Diet Coke and Pop Rocks during the "Truth or Dare" portion of his inauguration. It was the first time the nation had a president who wasn't elected to the office. Tyler insisted that he possessed all the powers of his predecessor, and wisely refused to let Congress refer to him as "acting president." Historians recognize him for very little except a couple of treaties. But we'll give him points for saying something that will make the Republican base writhe in agony (from the book Rating the Presidents):
Tyler demonstrated a complete tolerance of other religions. His family opposed the bigotry of the nativist Know Nothing political movement, which espoused hatred and suspicion of immigrants, particularly the wave of Irish Catholics entering the country at the time.
But he was also made of Old South stuff, and later unwisely became the only U.S. President to join the Congress of the Confederacy. Oh, and he had 15 kids, a presidential record not likely to be surpassed anytime soon. Pay
your respects here. If nothing else, give him a fist-bump for stamina.
Schock exits the
House for good.
CHEERS to the Boy Wonder's last huzzah. Congressman-for-four-more-days Aaron Schock gave his
farewell address on the House floor yesterday. He says he's going to miss providing tax cuts to the rich, dismantling Social Security and Medicare, and…and, oh, saying goodbye to that beautiful, beautiful office is gonna be tough. He's also going to miss the dedication of his staff in helping constituents deal with the benefit cuts he voted for, the crumbling infrastructure whose repair he voted against, and the health issues he voted to make worse. (Not to mention all the jets, junkets and joyrides---seriously, he did not mention them.) Then he compared himself to Abraham Lincoln, recited a perfunctory Bible quote, and promised to stay in touch with all his friends in Washington. I believe their names are Fido and Kitty.
CHEERS to famous firsts in the land of Ringy Dingies. On March 27, 1884, the first telephone line connecting Boston and New York went live. It was soon followed by the first introduction of telephone "poles" between Boston and New York, mainly because people's horses kept tripping over the damn thing.
The doc scientologists are begging you
not to watch. You can watch it Sunday.
CHEERS to home vegetation. Here's some of the haps you might find staring back at ya on the tube this weekend. Tonight on HBO's
Real Time, Bill Maher talks with Barney Frank, Huckster Huckabee S.E. Cupp, Zachary Quinto (
Spock lives on!) and Prof. Jay Famiglietti. New
DVD releases include
Into the Woods, the third
Hobbit movie, and Angelina Jolie's
Unbroken. SNL is live again this weekend, with host Dwayne Johnson. Sports: the NCAA men's bracket is
here and the much-superior women's bracket is
here, while the NBA and NHL schedules are
here and
here. Sunday night at 8, HBO airs a creepy new documentary called
Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief, and at 9 AMC airs the season finale of
The Walking Dead (spoiler alert: "Braaaaains!!!").
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup. Please hold your applause until Rick Perry wins a single primary or caucus…
Meet the Press: No idea. They haven't updated their website yet. As a placeholder, let's say Ted Cruz, the stubbly guy from One Direction who quit, the penguin that bit Newt Gingrich in 2012 and how it has affected his life, and a can of Spaghetti-Os.
Ted's legacy gets a fresh look
on the Sunday shows this week.
This Week: Victoria Kennedy with a behind-the-scenes look at the opening of the Edward M. Kennedy Institute for the U.S. Senate; former Maryland Governor and likely Democratic presidential contender Martin O'Malley; On the roundtable: Fareed Zakaria, author of the new book In Defense of a Liberal Education.
Face the Nation: Retired airline Captain Sully Sullenberger; Senate Intelligence Committee Chair Sen. Richard Burr (R-NC) and Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA) on Middle East quagmire shit; popular diabetes-miracle-cure grifter Mike Huckabee; roundtable with assorted furrowed brows; the legacy of Ted Kennedy with John McCain (yes, uit's Bob Schieffer's turn to babysit while Cindy goes shopping), Sen. Barbara Mikulski (D-MD), former Sen. Chris Dodd (D-CT) and former Sen. Olympia Snowe (R-ME).
CNN's State of the Union: No idea. They haven't updated their site yet. As a placeholder, let's say Rand Paul, Raul Grijalva, Marsha Blackburn and the other four stubbly members of One Direction who didn't quit.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Chris Wallace invites failed Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina on solely because she's critical of Hillary Clinton---wow, what a scoop! Retired U.S. Army Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn, former Director of the Defense Intelligence Agency, is invi9ted on to bash Obama. Plus a roundtable consisting of a teabagger, a climate-change denier, a country club Republican and a conservadem...or as Fox calls it, perfectly balanced!
Happy viewing!
-
Ten years ago in C&J: March 27, 2005
JEERS to Stouffer's frozen loners. More people disappear in Alaska than any other state, says the Los Angeles Times. Five out of every 1,000 residents go missing every year there---double the national average. Guess that explains the surge in polar bears signing up to lose weight at the Juneau Gold's Jim.
-
And just one more…
JEERS to an orchidward arrangement. First Lady Michelle Obama and her White House florist are
no longer buds, but no one's sure where the conflict stems from or
what the carnation is going on! Speculation is their working relationship had gotten thorny, their rapport had wilted, and the bloom was off the rose. Some even say the First Lady caught Laura Dowling fibbing and shouted, "How could you lilac that?!" But so far everyone's staying mum and playing it close to the vase. However, officials confirm the two will still be capable of communicating about flowers because they each have tulips. But for now, Dowling has put the petal to the metal and is seeking greener pastures. The End.
Have a great weekend! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-