she was so proud to receive this two weeks before she died - all of the medical staff came to ask if they could see her picture!
she died just a few weeks shy of 94 - full of passion still... strongly opinioinated and definitely an "alpha".
she and dad are why i am who i am today - why i do the things i do today.
we don't "lose" them - we carry them with us in every action, every choice we make.
mom and her love of animals influenced my spending the last year working to bring piper, the sheltie, home to her mom. piper, missing since april 17, 2014, is now in the midst in a major court battle with the rescue who is refusing to return her to her mom. i can't imagine standing by and not doing something. that wasn't how i was raised. it's not something my parents would have accepted as "ok"
it's impossible to talk about mom and not talk about dad - they were married 42 years - never looked at anyone else - for mom, even after dad died, she never considered a life with anyone but him. they were truly "one" (but they could argue with the best! passionate and committed - dad a republican (old school honorable one) and mom a democrat... they used to laugh about cancelling each other out at the polls!)
but above all, mom and dad were about honor and integrity. and did they EVER love animals - who loved them equally so.
mom and dad both taught us we are nothing if not our word, we never say anything unless we are prepared to see it on the front page of the new york times... we live our beliefs or we don't have any.
these are the things that i live with every day in every choice i make - these are the things from mom and dad.
from mom, there's more - the excitement of not following "instructions" in the kitchen - few recipes were written down, whether vegetable soup from fresh supplies from my grandparents' gardens to biscuits or pies where a "pinch" of this and a "bit" of that until it "looked right"... those are the lessons of flexibility in life - when it "looks right", you'll know it.
one more lesson from mom and dad that i continue to share with my young friends - there are no limits to what you can do or who you can be. being yourself and following your own destiny - not putting anyone or anything in a "category" to be judged - that is how to live your life. the only limits in life are the ones you set on yourself!
and, this sweet sixteen season - god FORBID you step in front of the screen when carolina or davidson was playing! she knew every player and every stat and loved them all! my mom was the ultimate basketball fan! she followed michael jordan all the way through his career - whether basketball or politics, she knew the stats and players well.
the last two decades of mom's life, i was stuck 3000 miles away - across the country without the funds to travel back and forth. telephones work. communication without phones work, too... and still do, for love isn't bound by physical contraptions. we "feel" our loved ones, we "know" their being long after their transitions to another plane.
the clear voice that supports the choices we make - i make - and the clarity of the reasons for making those choices come through without question or hesitation. the love and teaching of a parent or friend lasts long past physical closeness.
those we love become a part of us - who we are, how we act, what we choose to do. sometimes those choices are painful. the caveat filed to follow mom's wishes is not easy. what i see, though, is that i now have the baton to carry to hold true to those teachings that we do not lie, we do not steal, we do not cheat - we ARE our word and we ARE our beliefs and we don't run from the hard choices. those choices are not an "option" to do only if it is easy.
we owe it to our parents to be true to their guidance and teaching when that teaching is based on love and principle and honor and truth.
i thank mom for that and i thank dad for that.
and every day, the choices i make are guided by their teachings.
happy birthday, mom - march 27, 1917 - and dad, feb. 4 1913 - what a wonderful world you've left me - one filled with exploration, curiosity, confidence, principle, creativity, principle and, most of all, still filled with love.
mom's petrified wood and silver ring reminds me daily of permanence of love.
dad's cast iron frying pans STILL with the same seasoning from when i was young - and, NO, i do NOT use soap on those pans!!!
and, dad AND mom - i'm now a HAM - KJ6YEC - general, no less! started at 12 being the only little girl in the class with dad - only took me 5 decades to finish.
and, mom, i can STILL bake, cook, create great food by "hmmm that sounds good!" and can still paint and still, from both of you, rescue any and every animal that needs help!
i know this is supposed to be for the grieving room - but for the life of me, there is so much to celebrate, i hardly know WHAT to grieve - except, perhaps, that you both couldn't stay a little bit longer....
see you on the other side one day - along with all the creatures that shared our lives! in the meantime, i still hear your voice and feel you both close every day.
love,
your daughter
Welcome, fellow travelers on the grief journey
and a special welcome to anyone new to The Grieving Room.
We meet every Monday evening.
Whether your loss is recent, or many years ago;
whether you've lost a person, or a pet;
or even if the person you're "mourning" is still alive,
("pre-grief" can be a very lonely and confusing time),
you can come to this diary and say whatever you need to say.
We can't solve each other's problems,
but we can be a sounding board and a place of connection.
Unlike a private journal
here, you know: your words are read by people who
have been through their own hell.
There's no need to pretty it up or tone it down..
It just is.