In the spirit of Conservatives routinely creating and rewriting American history, I‘ve decided to provide them additional delusions.
Add your own rewrites of history.
On the night of December 16, 1773, The Tea Party Patriots, founded by conservatives in the Republican Party which wouldn’t exist for another 81 years, board three ships in Boston harbor and throw 342 chests of British tea overboard. Tea Party members become America’s first patriots and remain the only true American patriots to this day.
Republican Herbert Hoover defeats Democrat Franklin Roosevelt in the 1932 presidential election and helps bring the country out of the Great Depression - started by Democrats, establishes Social Security - opposed by Democrats, and makes victory possible in World War 2 - started by Democrats.
Bill Clinton serves as U.S. President from 1993 to 2009 (16 years). Under his watch, the worst terrorist attack on U.S. soil takes place. During Clinton’s last seven years in office he sends America to war in Iraq through deception and to war in Afghanistan undermanned. Bill Clinton also presides over the worst economic decline since the Great Depression. The public labels Bill Clinton “The Worst President Ever.”
In the 2008 presidential race, the election is stolen for Barrack Obama after the U.S. Supreme Court prevents an accurate vote count. In a separate minority opinion, Justice Donald Trump demands that he be anointed America’s first king.
In 2010, Republicans defeat the passage of Obamacare and declare, “We’ve freed Americans from the burden of having health care.”
In 2011, President Obama is successfully impeached after Donald Trump proves he was born in Kenya. Disgraced, Obama returns home to Kenya.
President Biden pardons Barrack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Edward Kennedy (posthumously), Hillary Clinton, and thousands of other unnamed Democrats and Progressives for war crimes. In protest, 47 Republican senators send a letter of protest to Iran and lecture them on the U.S Constitution.
In the November 2012 presidential race, Sarah Palin defeats Joe Biden by a margin of 51 points (Biden receives a negative vote total). Conservatives announce that the election results prove they’ve ended voting fraud.
In January 2013, President Palin moves the White House to Little Diomede Island in Alaska. Conservatives rejoice and shout, “See, she was right all along, she can see Russia from her house.”
In February, President Palin appoints Rudy Giuliani as U.S. Secretary of Education. In Giuliani’s first act, he slashes childhood education to three years and bans history classes. When ask why, Giuliani says he wants children to be as knowledgeable as he is.
Palin appoints Rick Perry as director of the Department of Energy but Perry keeps forgetting where to show up and never serves a day in office.
In her first 100 days in office, President Palin, by executive order, outlaws the Democratic Party and all other parties and organizations that oppose her agenda. Vice President Rush Limbaugh announces, “We’ve finally restored Democracy to America.” April 1 is named Patriots Day.
On July 4, 2013, President Palin bestows the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Bill O’Reilly. In her speech, Palin describes how he rode through the countryside in 1775 shouting “The British are coming!” She proclaims O’Reilly the first American to serve in a war zone.
In January 2014, Palin quits the Presidency to continue her tradition of not keeping any job very long. She declares herself "a goodwill ambassador to the country of Africa." When Palin can’t find any such country, she signs a seven-figure contract as a Tina Fey impersonator on Saturday Night Live.
President Limbaugh appoints Ted Cruz Vice President in large part for his oratory skills. Cruz’s acceptance speech consists of reading the children's classic “Green Eggs and Ham.” He concludes by warning children to be afraid because their “world is on fire.”
In October, President Limbaugh proves he can get things done by refilling 1,000 prescriptions of OxyContin, much of it prescribed by doctor and Vice President Rand Paul. Soon afterward, Limbaugh becomes mysteriously incapacitated and Paul becomes Acting President.
In late March 2015, Indiana Governor Mike Pence receives widespread praise for his performance on ABC's This Week and is chosen to serve in the dual capacity of White House Press Secretary and liaison to the gay and lesbian community.
On April 1, Fox News, the only sanctioned news source in the U.S., reports that Hillary Clinton consumes only human flesh. The scandal, named cannibal-gate, ends her political career.