From time to time I go through some Onion stuff just to read their headlines. And that's the way they write - they have to start with a good headline. Then figure out if they can write a funny article from it. Here are a few recent headlines that I thought were pretty good:
Ted Cruz’s Wife Shudders After Noticing Twin Beds Pushed Together
Piano Keys Not Involved In ‘The Entertainer’ Noticeably Dustier
Wrinkled Dollar Bill Treated To Full-Body Massage On Edge Of Vending Machine
Breakup Rescheduled To End Of Lease
Office Smelled Like Fire For 3 Hopeful Seconds
Kid Says 'I Pick Dad' 2 Seconds Into Child Custody Hearing
Voice Deepened For Conversation With Hardware Store Worker
Coworker Back From Vacation Chucks Box Of Melted Taffy Into Office Breakroom
That Definitely The Last Thing Jewish Baby Was Expecting
Man Slowly Realizing 'Skip' Button On YouTube Ad Never Coming
Hulk Smash
Hard Pat On Back From Romney Knocks Out Both Of Ryan's Glass Eyes
Pumpkin Seeds Saved, Dried, Roasted, Salted, Offered, Refused, Tossed
Women Are Of Course Just As Capable, But You See What Backtracking Man Trying To Say, Right?
Government-Dependent Southerner Has Brief, Fleeting Thought About Not Voting For Romney, But Nah
Astronaut's Mother Wants Him To Call As Soon As He Gets To International Space Station
Oh, Great, Now Hiccuping Man Has Song Stuck In Head Too
Friend Chuckling At Computer Screen About To Read You Something Not Worth Hearing
Jar Of Change On Dresser Sadly Factoring Into A Number Of Financial Decisions
Biden Minimizes Browser Window Every Time Obama Walks By
Eye Contact Broken During Sex To See Who Carla Yelling At On 'Cheers' Rerun
New Hampshire Residents Convince Incoming GOP Candidates That Maple Syrup Enemas Are State Tradition
Ballpoint Pen Field-Stripped, Reassembled
Dental Hygienist Digs A Little Harder Every Time She Mentions Husband
Coupon Clipper Expires
Woman On TV Gives Birth To Four-Month-Old Baby
Cliffs Notes Skimmed
President Lincoln Sick Of Time Travelers
DRBONG Pulled Over Again
ATM Slapped