I grew up in an era where women were supposed to be weak and submissive and their highest goal was to be married with lots of children. Reality and I disagreed on that goal. I was a tomboy and climbed trees, threw footballs with my Dad, ran, developed a killer volleyball serve, and generally did the stuff boys were supposed to do. I was independent and strong before it was chic to do so. I was a liberated lady well before the Women's Lib movement started.
I learned early that I needed to be the strong one in my family. I was the only girl with four boys. I was the second child which meant I was expected to be the little mother to the three youngest. Plus I was expected to be the one to take care of my older brother who was the sensitive one. A lot of expectations were dumped on my shoulders.
We now have a serious female candidate for President. Follow me below the orange fleur de Kos for some reflections on what it means to be a strong woman.
I never asked to be the strong one but having a strong will meant that my mother pushed me towards taking care of the rest of the children. I was the one who needed to take vacation from my job so I could baby sit my three younger brothers while Mom and Dad went to Hawaii to meet my older brother who was on R&R before going back for a second tour of duty in Vietnam.
I was the one they all ran to when they had problems. I could out Ann Landers, Ann Landers. Of course that meant if I had problems I was expected to solve them on my own.
I loved to learn and became the first woman in my family to graduate from college. I was the first child in my family to get a degree. I continued studying topics that fascinated me like astronomy and computers. Learning is my life long goal.
I worked all my life and my recreation was running a science fiction convention. I used it to raise money to buy a resuscitate Annie doll for the local Red Cross to teach mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. I raised money for a home for babies with AIDS.
After Dad died I was the one Mom turned to for help. I got a crooked roofer to refund her money. I got a crooked credit card company to stop harassing her. I was the one that needed to come and care for her in her old age. Mike lived with her but he was too damaged from Vietnam to be the type of help she needed. I was expected to help him when he had problems.
After Mom died I came down to North Carolina and to help Mike's daughter. She had three special needs children and an abusive ex-husband. She and her second husband and three children all turn to me if they have problems. I am the first person they call. When their car died right before a big snowstorm came in I was the one they called. I had to get a special AAA membership and tow truck.
When Mike died I was the one that had to settle his estate and get the house sold. I had to be the strong one for his only child. I had to hide the blood and feces and spilled wine from the house so she and they children wouldn't see.
I'm now the one who is caring for my younger brother with severe diabetes. He will need a caregiver for the rest of his life. He was noncompliant and let everything get out of control. He is having bypass surgery on his left leg tomorrow. There are numerous sores on his legs and feet that can't heal because of poor circulation. I have to have him at the hospital tomorrow by 6:00 AM. I have to be strong for him because he is in panic mode.
I often wonder where does the strength come from? How do you be strong? Is there a pool of strength that you can dip your cup into and get more strength? Why do I have to be the strong one?
I don't belong to any church. I don't follow any religion. I just know that I was put here to help others. I see that in Christ's teachings. I see it in the words of the Dalai Lama. I see it in the Native American teachings. So it looks like traditional faith isn't where my strength comes from.
I get solace from art and craft work. I was born loving art. I still do art on my computer since the arthritis became too severe to hold the paint brush. I have enough mobility to knit and crochet. I can make jewelry. I love cooking. These are solace and a break from being strong but they aren't strength itself.
So where does my strength come from? I sometimes think I am strong because I was never really given a chance to say that was what I wanted to be. Too many people needing me to be strong too many times. Strength seems to come because others see it in me.
I know being a strong woman is very difficult in this world. I have encountered too many men and women who resent the fact that I am strong. I have had too many people tell me I'm weird because I am strong. It is a sad commentary that in our world we still frown on strong women.
I have to be strong because I have people who need me. Reid would be dead if I hadn't brought him out here to live with me. I'm not sure where the well of strength is supposed to be but I always seem to find strength when I need it most.
My nephew introduces me to his friends as "my kick ass Aunt". He has worked all his life to deal with Asperger's and maybe that is the reason he is able to look around the stereotype of "strong." It is about time that we stop being amazed that women can be strong and just acknowledge that they can be just as strong as any man.
I didn't ask to be strong. I was made that way. Maybe that is the secret to strength. It just is. For me my strength is there when Morning Has Broken because I started out long ago on The Road Less Taken.
Morning Has Broken
The Road Less Taken