It is always a gamble to post anything on the Internet; there are many who will question what you say, what you believe, and even what you do as a profession or your expertise to write on a particular topic. I have run into this a few times, but none so viciously as here on the Kos, when I was simply stating what life is like for me as a teacher. While I will not state anything specifically to any given troll, I did want to take the time to confront the challenge of receiving a small slap of bitterness.
On my classroom door, just above the handle, I placed a small poster in such a way that it is the first thing that anyone sees when entering my learning environment. It is the Four Agreements, as written by Don Miguel Ruiz and Janet Mills. Not only do I ask that my students follow them, but it is also a reminder to myself of how I envision working with my students, my colleagues, and the community I serve each and every day. I have used such words as a compass for how I have lived my life. It is a brief summary of the way I have been guided through my life by my parents, my family, and my education since I was a young child.
1) Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using any word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.
I did attempt to speak with integrity when I stated that I am a regular education teacher, and as such, I do not have all of the answers as to how standardized tests personally affect special education students. As I went back through my research, and asked several special education colleagues, I did go back and correct a statement that I made. It is on this point that a comment stated impugned my own integrity.
Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote in Self Reliance, " A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do...Speak what you think now in hard words, and tomorrow, speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict everything you said today...'Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.'...Every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh was misunderstood. To be great is to be misunderstood."
Although I do not wish to be entirely misunderstood, when my own understanding has grown from further research and conversation, I will always go back and re-speak. In this sense, I have taken on editing and re-editing pieces I had previously published, and have even corrected statements regarding how standardized testing could be modified for individuals like Stephen Hawking. This is not a sign of incompetence or even straight up lying; rather, it is following the First Agreement and doing what I can to continue to be as impeccable with my word as possible.
There have been other diaries I have entirely re-edited and re-written so as to speak as clearly and impeccably as possible. Each time I do so, I try to ensure that those who commented recognize that their keen insights and deeper understanding of the circumstances influenced such edits and rewrites. We always grow and learn more with positive discourse, and I thrive on the fact that I never have to be the sole source of any kind of information. I revel in the fact that I can rely on so many on the Kos to deepen my understanding, and will always strive to ensure that my writing reflects as such.
2) Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to the opinions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
Clearly, I have a lot of work to do with this agreement (hence this whole diary). I do take it personally when I--and not my writing--have been attacked. But even so, the questions I have are: Have you been caused so much pain and suffering in your own life that you feel it necessary to generate negativity against another over the Internet? Has your own value as a human being been so demeaned that you feel as though you need to be so harsh toward others? Do you not recognize your own value, and the power you have to do and say wonderful and thought-provoking things that could potentially change another's whole outlook for the better?
Marcus Aurelius reminds us not to worry about the opinions of other people who don't even have a good opinion of themselves! He stated, "The approval of such men, who do not even stand well in their own eyes, has no value for him." Again, it's easy to hear and a difficult thing to practice!
3) Don't make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and ask for what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.
Courage was once defined to me as, not the absence of fear or despair, but the strength to overcome them. I do not ask the questions I do or compose the thoughts I have out of assuming anything bad about another person. I do not even want to assume that attacks come from a source of personal vulnerability, fear, or pain. But I ask so that I can get clear answers. And I also have to accept the responses I get may not also be clear. In such instances, I have to revert to the Third Agreement, and remind myself of lessons I have learned on such accounts.
4) Always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to when you are sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and self-regret.
Any time I write any diary on the Kos, I am simply doing what I can to do my best. I have something to say, and I want to be sure that it is heard. When I unintentionally offend any person or group of people, I will do what I can to correct any errors or even challenge my own writings to develop a stronger way of thinking, of writing, and of personal expression.
No matter what I write, I will always do my best. I refuse to speak for any one person or group of persons, but I highly encourage anyone with whom I develop contact--either personally in my classroom, in my circle of friends and in my family--or virtually through the computer screen (namely the Kos) to do his or her best to speak and write at all times--in comments and in blogs--in a way that reflects his or her own personal greatness.