Before you say anything about how hard it is for you as a parent. Stop and think.
THIS IS HARDER FOR THEM THAN IT IS FOR YOU.
Before you deadname or misgender them. Stop and think.
DEADNAMING AND MISGENDERING IS A FORM OF ATTACKING YOUR CHILD AND IN MANY CASES CAUSES LASTING HARM IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM.
Before you say things like, “By coming out they killed my son/daughter.” Stop and think.
THEY ARE RIGHT THERE BEING MORE THEMSELVES THAN THEY HAVE EVER BEEN.
Before you say things like, “My memories of them growing up are tainted.” Let me ask.
HOW?
Before you say things like “You wish they hadn’t come out.” Stop and think.
THE TRANSGENDER AVERAGE OF SUICIDE IS ONE OF THE HIGHEST SUICIDE AVERAGES AND THAT NUMBER INCREASES FOR THOSE WHO REMAIN IN THE CLOSET OR HAVE FAMILY THAT DOESN’T ACCEPT THEM.
Before you say things like “I had dreams of them bringing home a woman/man that would become my daughter/son not them become it.” Just stop.
YOUR CHILD IS NOT YOUR PROPERTY. WHAT YOU WANTED THEM TO DO DOES NOT MATTER. THEY ARE THEIR OWN PERSON.
Before you do any of that. Stop, think, and open your heart and mind.
Your child needs you.
They need you to love and accept them for who they are.
They need you to be there for them.
They need you to support them.
Because they are your child. They are your blood. And family… being family is to accept someone for who they are, not hate, disrespect, or invalidate them for what they are.
I implore you to find the compassion in your heart to try. Go the extra distance, don’t dwell on the past and any perceived problems with how long they waited to come out. Look forward to the future and all the wonderful experiences you will have with your child now that they aren’t holding themselves back, that they are being themselves.
I know some of you will likely find this as some form of attack or as me telling you how to be a parent. I’m not. I’m just letting you know that it is harder for them than it is for you. Because they are getting the hatred from elsewhere as well, and to pile that on from family, that hurts.
I know because I’ve been there. When I came out my mother turned to my best friend who was there for moral support and asked him “Do you believe this bullshit.”
I know because I’ve seen a friend that I view as a sister be thrown out by her family when she was twelve when she came out.
I know because I have seen it happen again and again. And I continue to see it happen.
And it has led to me losing some friends.
I have seen parents go to see their child for the first time in years when they discover their child committed suicide and be flabbergasted out how different they are and wish they could have gotten to know them.
I know because it keeps happening to good people and it needs to stop.
Please.
Accept your child for who they are.
Don’t blame them for doing nothing wrong, the only thing they did was be themselves.
Loving them and accepting them is the best thing you can do.
Just don’t use the excuse that is too hard. That’s not an excuse. That’s you choosing not to try.