Cheers and Jeers for Thursday July 3, 2008
Note: Tomorrow morning we'll post our traditional July 4, 1776 column---complete with mutton and pigeon pudding---and C&J will be off on Monday (PoliSigh will post one in the diaries). Have a safe and independent holiday weekend.
-
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Bush and Cheney leave office: 200!!!
Days 'til The Netroots Nation convention in Austin July 17-20: 14
Reduction in miles driven so far this year versus last year because of fuel costs: 30 billion
(Source: Federal Highway Administration)
Expected decrease in the number of people driving 50 miles or more over this July 4th holiday weekend versus last year: 1.2%
Percent of Americans who are canceling or postponing trips thus summer: 38%
(Source: AAA via USA Today)
Amount of credit Bennett Christiansen of Illinois was granted by a credit card company, even though he listed his 2002 birth year on his application, and listed his income as "$0": $600
(Source: The Week)
Day on which John Kerry announced his running mate (Dick Gephardt) in 2004: July 6
-
Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Every Democrat I talk to is appalled at the sheer gutlessness and spinelessness of the Democratic performance. The party is still cringing at the thought of being called, ooh-ooh, "unpatriotic" by a bunch of rightwingers.
Take "unpatriotic" and shove it. How dare they do this to our country? "Unpatriotic"? These people have ruined the American military! Not to mention the economy, the middle class, and our reputation in the world. Everything they touch turns to dirt, including Medicare prescription drugs and hurricane relief.
This is not a time for a candidate who will offend no one; it is time for a candidate who takes clear stands and kicks ass.
---March, 2006
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: One of the Puppies of Liberty: "Hey King George...Suck. On. This."
-
CHEERS to burgers and brats with Barack. In a twist on the old "Who would you rather have a beer with?" question, most Americans---by a margin of 52% to 45%---said they'd rather have a barbeque with Obama than McCain:
Having Obama to a barbecue would be like a relaxed family gathering, while inviting McCain "would be more like a retirement party than something fun," said Wesley Welbourne, 38, a systems engineer from Washington, D.C.
Meanwhile, down the street the three people who picked Ralph Nader would stand around listening to him rant about how there's absolutely no difference between hamburgers and hot dogs.
CHEERS to legislating with one brain lobe tied behind your back. Good ol' Ted Kennedy---my god, he's preparing the groundwork to help President Obama enact a new universal health care plan:
The discussions signal that Kennedy, who instructed aides to begin holding the meetings while he is in Massachusetts undergoing treatment for brain cancer, intends to work vigorously to build bipartisan support for a major healthcare initiative when he returns to Washington in the fall. Those involved in the discussions said Kennedy believes it is extremely important to move as quickly as possible on overhauling the healthcare system after the next president takes office in January in order to capitalize on the momentum behind a new administration. ...
Obama's Senate staff has attended the roundtable discussions. If Obama is elected, Kennedy's effort to identify points of agreement among senators could smooth the way for the new administration to press ahead on universal healthcare, which Obama has promised to implement within four years.
A McCain spokesman responded by saying the Arizona senator hoped to implement his own health care initiative early in his first term if he's elected. That is, assuming the leeches stick to their breeding schedule.
JEERS to halting to a grind. Hate to break it to ya, but Starbucks is closing 600 stores. As a courtesy, special grief counselors will be on standby. At Dunkin Donuts.
JEERS to Fox News. The network that complains about not being taken seriously got caught doctoring photos yesterday to make two New York Times employees look slimy and devious. The Times responded by making the Fox anchors look slimy and devious by publishing their photos undoctored. My eyes, they burn.
CHEERS to words of hope. You might not take much comfort in this, but it's all I need to hear to calm my twitching nerves. President Bush won’t attack Iran and here's why: Tuesday night on NBC News, Iraq correspondent Richard Engel was asked by Brian Williams what would happen to the price of oil if we did such a damn fool thing. His response: "The sky's the limit---three hundred, four hundred dollars a barrel." I'm not sure what the angry mob would shove up Bush's ass first under those circumstances, their torches or their pitchforks. (But please, rabble: spare the china---Laura ordered it out of Parade magazine herself and she's very fond of it.)
JEERS to evil sugarplums dancing in the right-wing head. A shocking letter
printed yesterday in the Portland Press Herald (no link available, but I transcribed it for you out of love):
What a wonderful surprise to pick up the paper and see right there on the front page, "One nation under God" (June 24). I award you at least ten gold stars. You should get the highest award there is, just for not being afraid to note that there is a God!
Our government seems to forget that it is God who kept our country safe for so many years. Since they kicked him out of our schools and public buildings, things have fallen apart.
Translation: God bless America? No no no...God DAMN America!! Scandalous.
CHEERS to stimulus packages...IF ya know what I mean. Americans are doing their patriotic duty by spending their free government money wisely in their effort to revive the U.S. economy. And by wisely I of course mean on porn, porn and more porn:
An independent market-research firm, AIMRCo, has discovered that many websites focused on adult or erotic material have experienced an upswing [Ba Dum Bum!] in sales in the recent weeks since checks have appeared in millions of Americans' mailboxes across the country. According to Kirk Mishkin, Head [Ba Dum Bum!] Research Consultant for AIMRCo, "Many of the sites we surveyed have reported 20-30% growth [Ba Dum Bum!] in membership rates since mid-May when the checks were first sent out, and typically the summer is a slow period for this market."
But don’t go too crazy. The rule of thumb---and I'm sure Jim Cramer and Suze Orman would agree on this---is to save ten percent for emergencies. Like if your computer dies and you gotta run out and get hardcopies.
JEERS to memorializing the fallen...at a snail's pace. Remember when the twin towers fell? Remember how President Bush and Rudy! vowed to clean the site up and rebuild a new, better World Trade Center at lightning speed to show the terrorists that we had steely resolve, unmatched resourcefulness and unshakeable national unity in a time of tragedy? Well, a funny thing happened on the way to Ace Hardware: all that rah rah shit got thrown out the window:
The report ordered by [Governor Dave] Paterson---the third governor to push for speedy development of a 16-acre site where a temporary train station is the only completed project in seven years---suggested that the earliest projections, just after the attacks for rebuilding ground zero, weren't truthful.
[Port Authority director Christopher] Ward called the estimates offered during Gov. George Pataki's administration, "emotional dates." ...
Pataki once predicted that steel for the 1,776-foot Freedom Tower, the tallest skyscraper planned for the site, would be up by 2006. Steel has just risen above street level for the tower, most recently estimated to open in 2013.
In other words, what we got instead were steely foot dragging, unmatched deception and unshakable squabbling over details. Shall we burst with pride together or would you like some privacy?
CHEERS to the right man for the right job at the right time. On July 3rd, 1775, George Washington---freshly promoted to general by the constitutional mouseketeers---took command of the Continental Army in Cambridge, Massachusetts. He won some battles, lost some (okay, a lot) and suffered mightily, but had the courage, smarts and fortitude to keep his army together and eventually claim victory by bottling up old Butthead Cornwallis at Yorktown. And he did it while wearing stockings. Impressive.
JEERS to Preferential Treatment for $400, Alex. The Answer: Three years ago George W. Bush gave a speech in front of a backdrop of flags that only had 9 stripes. If the Barack Obama campaign had made that mistake, "this" would have happened instead of the total silence that greeted Bush's gaffe.
[Ding!]
Yes, Bill in Portland?
What is, the pundits would've spent six months tearing him a new asshole?
[Ding!]
Yes! How did you know that?
Lucky guess.
-
One Year Ago in C&J: July 3, 2007...
CHEERS to declarations of independents. Sure it's early, but it's still worth noting that independent voters---who now apparently make up nearly a third of the electorate---are leaning heavily Democratic, according to a new report by the Kaiser Foundation and Harvard:
The new survey underscores the Republican Party's problems heading into 2008. Fueled by dissatisfaction with the president and opposition to the Iraq war, independents continue to lean heavily toward the Democrats. Two-thirds said the war is not worth fighting, three in five said they think the United States cannot stabilize Iraq, and three in five believed that the campaign against terrorism can succeed without a clear victory in Iraq.
The report also says "Independents broadly favored the Democrats on Iraq, health care, global warming, social issues such as abortion and gay marriage, corruption in government, managing the federal government, and dealing with the deficit. They gave the Democrats a narrower advantage on illegal immigration, taxes and the economy."
Republicans did, however, trounce Democrats at "smelling musky." Personally I'm willing to cede that hill.
-
And just one more...
CHEERS to a pleasant place to squat. What do the Iowa 80 Truck Stop, the Smith College Museum of Art, The Brio restaurant in Rockford, Illinois, and New York's Grand Central Terminal have in common? They're all competing for the title of America's Best Place to Drop a Floater...er, Restroom:
In one survey, more than 75% of respondents said they would not return to a restaurant if the restrooms were not well kept. When you walk into an exceptional restroom, you know it. The cleanliness, the style, the amenities---it’s unexpected, but certainly appreciated. It tells you that the organization that created this inviting atmosphere must really care about you.
This year's contestants---and your official online ballot---are waiting for you here. Please say hi to Senator Craig for me (that's three shoe taps and an under-the-stall finger wiggle). Poor guy's going through hell trying to make up his mind.
-
Oh, and if you're able, please toss a few bucks to Darcy Burner so she can focus more on putting her life back together and less on campaigning. Many thanks. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"I definitely think Cheers and Jeers has always been the home of civilized drinking."
---Ann Tuennerman, founder
Tales of the Cocktail festival
-
