Posting History for PapaChach
|Like A Vision
Winter's gone for good. It's past two in the morning, and I just comfortably walked the neighborhood in shorts. It's warm out. I liked the cold, but I am digging the warm. Somew "with a chance ...
|The Winter's So Long
Been inside for a good ten minutes now, and my hands still ache from the cold. There's a full moon out there and I just had to go take a look. Poured a glass of wine and reached into my left ...
The problems, my own and everyone else's, slipped a million miles away, and I headed down the driveway and then west down Grand, not a cloud in the sky, Saturday morning still a gift, for now but ...
|A Found Hour
Like magic, the clock went from 2:00 to 1:00, a free hour found in the midst of the wreckage of the day, a do-over if you wasted the first time the clock went from 1:00 to 2:00 and then stayed up ...
Good Lord, what an awful day. Work was alright, though the bill comes due tomorrow. It'll be a minor miracle if I get out of there on time. Someone asked for a report first thing in the morning ...
|An Opening? (Heaven On Our Minds)
I think I was seven, maybe eight years old. The sun going down late on a summer's eve. Dressed to the nines, in my First Communion outfit. My Nana coming in through the back door of Apt. J-3 in ...
|Not Dark Yet (Thoughts On My 48th Birthday)
I couldn’t take any more of the local sports talk meatheads and the bad oldies and the decent stations playing not-so-decent stuff as I snaked my way down Route 67 on the way home from work, so I ...
|The Righteous Path
Out strolling the streets, running my own version of Friday night lights, the air carrying just enough of a taste of both warm and cool to keep me satisfied. Walk two or three blocks before I hear ...
|Somewhere North of Albany
I felt like I was gonna puke. We rode the bus on over from Jersey, on over the bridge, on into Manhattan. I didn't have a watch, didn't wear one then, and don't wear one now. But I knew the ...
Work sucks, everything sucks. The kids seem to hate me lately, the job's turned into a gigantic pain in the ass, and the car's on the fritz to the tune of eight-fifty plus tax. I need to figure ...
|Blue Jeans and White T-Shirts (A Tale of Two Sons)
"Some things baby never told you Some things papa done ain't right Spent a lifetime just to get over her..." Gaslight Anthem, "Blue Jeans and White T-Shirts Maybe five minutes left in the second ...
What I remember most, six years on, is the dark. It seemed as though the night went on without interruption. I remember bright, late November sunshine that shone down on the morning of the ...
'round midnight, and i step outside, for a cigarette or two and a walk down the block to get another beer and tomorrow's form. saratoga winds down tomorrow. summer ends. on tuesday it's back to work,
|The Beginning of the End
"life is short in spite of your plans so tell the girls they're pretty while you can 'cause one day they're gone and all you got left some empty bottles and an old country song plays on and on .
|Un-Meta: The Good Stuff (A Little Too Much Honesty)
There's been an awful lotta meta floatin' 'round these parts of late. Who's spying on who, who might be a sock-puppet or not. I got my opinions on all that (hint: personally not all that fond of ...
|Right In This Moment (Email To An Old Friend)
Checked the email one last time before bed, and saw a message from my dear old friend Tom. "Thinking of playing hooky tomorrow to go to the track. Any chance of you joining?" "Come on skinny love ...
|And A Bang On The Ear
A Friday late afternoon, early August, 2005. The work week winding down. The bosses long gone for the weekend. I had work to do but I didn't feel like doing it and anyway I knew whatever it was ...
You take the elevator down from the medical intensive care unit to the main floor. It's a little bit after noon on a Thursday in late October, 2007. Get a little something to eat, she said. ...
The humidity hangs tough as midnight approaches, even though the storms seem to have finally finished with us, they've moved out east for good, hell bent on seeing the Atlantic before the sun rises. ...
She walked on by the gigantic old place again this afternoon. For sale sign in the front, the grass now waist-high. On the market forever and a day, over two years now, I think; price drop after ...
|Father's Day Comes Early
My dad snuck in, like a ghost on the breeze blowing through the open kitchen windows. Snuck in, quiet as a ghost, opening the back door without a sound as I loaded spices into a hot saute pan filled ...
|I Want You To Go
"I want you to go," I heard her say. The words stunned me. "Are you sure?" I asked. "Are you sure" I asked again. "I want you to go," she said. I hadn't even thought to ask. Hadn't dared.
|In My Head
I drive to work, the morning of the 17th, but in my head I am longer in the car but rather I stand on a stage, with four of my best friends behind me. My brother settles his massive frame into a ...
|Hot Soft Light
'round Midnight, filled with vino and nicotine and weird recent dreams and old but vivid memories. Dreams, night after night after night of them lately, dreams that find me walking wild through the ...
I walked out the back door, knees knocking and legs wobbling, fresh off a strenous quickie and rocket-fueled with my first beer-buzz in a real long while. Cold for late March, even in upstate New ...
|Paper Hat Ships, Or, How I Came To Love Rock'n'Roll Music
"love feels good when it sits right down puts it feet up on a table and sends a bowl around ain't nobody gonna see eye to eye with a girl who's only gonna stand collarbone high rain's gonna come in ...
|I Am Still Here
"When you come back we'll have a party We'll hang up the Christmas lights You'll be my bride I'll be your groom I miss you so much please make it home soon." Damien Jurado - "I Am Still Here" I ...
|A Long Ago Night
"Did you sleep last night and do you remember dreams? Do I ever cross your mind and do you ever think of me? When you think about your life are there things you would reverse?" Around this time of ...
|The Pear Tree
“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearnings. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason ...
|The Last Rose of Summer
"summers fade and roses die..." We busted out of Hanover, NH at the stroke of 9 a.m., a tank full of gas and a car full of four kids, fresh off a weekend with the in-laws. Gotta beat the Labor Day ...
|Keep Dreaming, Kid
(A personal story about, among other things, the redemptive power of rock-and-roll music.) “have you seen my hands just look at ‘em shake and the song just keeps on beatin’ drop the needle ...
|Running On Empty
The brakes sounded so bad I didn't even notice the empty tank light lit up in yellow on the dashboard until I'd driven five miles out of town. The brakes sounded like an accident waiting to happen, ...
I was a little hustler as a kid. My family didn't have a thing, we lived in the projects, we couldn't afford shit. I remember being in sixth grade, in Middle School chorus, going in to the Christmas ...
|Your Perfume Like Cigarettes and the Sea
"and I know you're somewhere I always did feel it I got a new song you might never hear Goodnight Irene I got your trouble I read your letters You sent like a bomb and when you're gone we're all ...
|I Know You're Out There
I feel ok. Sure, I know that's not what people say. Maybe they're wrong? Maybe you weren't on my side all along? I know you're out there. I know you're gone. You can't say that's fair. Can't ...
|Have You Ever Seen The Light?
"And I'm sick of all my judges So scared of what they'll find But I know that I can make it As long as somebody takes me home every now and then... Well have you ever seen the lights? Have you ever ...
|Sue Me, I've Changed My Mind On Operation Hilarity
I gotta admit, when kos announced the "let's get as involved as the law allows in repuke primaries and keep the frothy one, um, dripping along" campaign, aka "Operation Frothi-, er Hilarity," well, ...
|A Long Walk Home (pt. 2)
"My father said, 'Son, we're lucky in this town, It's a beautiful place to be born. It just wraps its arms around you, Nobody crowds you and nobody goes it alone You know that flag flying over ...
|Feels Like Home
"If you knew how lonely my life has been And how low I've felt for so long. If you knew how I wanted someone to come along And change my world the way you've done... If you knew how much this ...
|The Grieving Room: What Is Moving On?
A few weeks after Lauren died, a friend of mine showed up at the house with a tray of his well-regarded chicken parm. As we ate in the kitchen that afternoon, we talked about Lauren, about how ...
|The Worst Day Ever
The phone at my desk rang at about three, and I saw my home phone number come up; expected the call to have come from IT, but no matter, figured Sheila had rung in to ask me to pick up something or ...
|frustrations (everything dies, baby, that's a fact)
well i got a job and tried to put my money away but i got debts no honest man can pay so i drew what i had from the central trust and i bought us two tickets on that coast city bus well now ...
|Where Some Holy Spectacle Lies (Nine Horse, Baby)
"And you left with your head filled with flames And you watched as your brains Fell out through your teeth, push the pieces in place Make your smile sweet to see, don't you take this away I'm ...
|Listen, Dear Mother
"Listen dear mother I miss you the most and as I travel from coast to coast I feel your love and I feel your ghost listen dear mother I miss you the most Listen dear mother I miss you the most"
|Without A Trace
"I tried to get a good job with honest pay might as well join the mob the benefits are OK standing in the sun with a popsicle everything is possible with a lotta luck and a pretty face and some ...
|Hydrof&@$ing Comes To New York
There's no safe space anymore, it seems. Even in the curtained dark of your bedroom on a quite weekend morning, the outrages come screeching at you, wearing you down and out. The kids slept ...
|Lost, Lost, Lost My Mind: The Upper Hudson At Dusk
"I was feeling sad Can't help looking back Highways flew by Run, run away No sense of time Want you to stay Want to keep you inside Run, run, run away Lost, lost, lost my mind Like you to stay ...
|Red At Night (Random Musings on a 45th Birthday)
"I was born in a town where the rivers run free On a January night when the cold winds freeze..."
just about a year ago now, she called out of the blue on a thursday night, sheila did, and i had written her off, i didn't know what i was doing and as it turned out neither did she, both of us ...
|Same Old, Same Old: Same Old Jets
In the aftermath of JFK’s assassination, Daniel Patrick Moynihan reportedly said, "I don't think there's any point in being Irish if you don't know that the world is going to break your ...
|Left In The Tank
Many years ago we had a tenant who had a bumper sticker on the back of her old white four door Subaru sedan that read, “The Only Constant Is Change.” I liked that tenant, Sarah was her ...
"She asks 'Are you cursed?' He says 'I think that I'm cured.' Then he kissed her and hoped That she'd forget that question." "The Curse" - Josh ...
|Hallelujah (Love, Dad! Love!)
your faith was strong but you needed proof you saw her bathing on the roof her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you she tied you to a kitchen chair she broke your throne and she cut your hair ...
“Well when you’re sitting back In your rose-pink Cadillac Makin’ bets on Kentucky Derby Day…” The Rolling Stones, "Dead Flowers" So tomorrow’s ...
|A Heart Needs A Home
"I came to you when no one could hear me I'm sick and weary of being alone empty streets and hungry faces the world's no place when you're on your own a heart needs a home..." Richard ...
|I Know The Lilac Tree Will Bloom (Random Saturday Night Thoughts)
this is what love is for to be out of place gorgeous and alone face to face with no larger problems that need to be erased nothing more important than to know someone's listening Wilco, "...
I found the box buried underneath summer-stuff in a dank closet by the back porch door. A long, shallow rectangular cardboard box addressed to me. The sender had gotten my last name wrong. A simple,
“Out here the bird don't sing Out here the field don't blow Out here the bell don't ring Out hear the bell don't ring Out here the good girls die Now Cinderella don't you go to sleep ...
|The Christmas Tree
Since childhood, I have sworn against artificial Christmas trees. Nothing like the smell of pine in the house at holiday time, I'd say. Nothing like the sight of needles fallen to the floor.
|A Lover's Prayer
“true love will find you in the end you’ll find out just who was your friend don’t be sad i know you will but don’t give up until true love will find you in the end ...
|The Grieving Room: On Saying Goodbyes
"...I only miss you every now and then like a soft breeze blowin' up from the Caribbean most Novembers I break down and cry but I can't remember if we said goodbye..." Steve ...
|Coming Up Easy: What Gives You Hope These Days?
"we seen the sun coming up easy while the rain came tumbling down and it washed our bodies so clean we could feel them rise up off of the cold cold ground it was in love I was created and ...
|red-eyed and blue (far, far away)
"when we came here today we all felt something true now i'm red-eyed and blue" wilco, "red-eyed and blue" "deep in my heart i know it's right... i need to see you again on ...
|thoughts on health care and the arms race: are you gonna drop the bomb or not?
"...hoping for the best but expecting the worst are you going to drop the bomb or not?" "forever young" alphaville Spring, 1984; my senior year of high school. The Cold War raged as ...
|Can I Interest You In A Free Automobile?
A few minutes ago I ventured out into the backyard, a pint of beer in one hand and nothing in the other, to finish cleaning up for the night. I had some people over for dinner, grilled up some tasty ...
|4th of July, Saturday Night (Melancholy USA)
"...sandy the fireworks are hailin' over little eden tonight, forcin' the light into all those stony faces left stranded on this warm July..." "4th of July, Asbury Park (Sandy)" - ...
|we persevere (last in a series)
Diarist's note: For the past year and a half, I have posted a series of diaries about the awful after-effects of the death of beloved wife Lauren. I've written of nothing else; her loss consumed ...
|goodbye jumbo (april and everything after)
"slippin' and slidin' around in your head it's be-bop-a-lu-la and baby you're dead so come on make a bright new day i need a prayer here need your blessing cast an eye back as you run ...
"tonight tonight we're gonna ride like silver on the desolation moonlight tonight tonight ain't comin' back until the morning light tonight tonight it's alright, alright..." the ...
|The '59 Sound
"...And I miss her sometimes Shaking like a leaf on the corner of Vine But I heard it's alright The radio spoke to a good friend of mine And I can feel it coming up as the nights getting ...
|The Grieving Room: A Year
A special welcome to anyone who is new to The Grieving Room. We meet every Monday evening. Whether your loss is recent or many years ago, whether you have lost a person or a pet, or ...
"...packed and all eyes turned in no one to see on the quay no one waving for me just the shoreline receding ticket in my hand I’m thinking wish I didn’t hand it in..." ...
|I Used To Sing For You
"...Forget the chorus, you’re the bridge The words and music to everyday I’ve lived There’s nothing, I wouldn’t give For one more time, when I can sing for you... ...
|Deep As We Have Been Done
Where does this mean world cast its cold eye? Who's left to suffer long about you? Does your soul cast about like an old paper bag, Past empty lots and early graves, Of those like you ...
|Bottles of Smoke
"Thanks and praises Thanks to Jesus I bet on the Bottle of Smoke I went to Hell And to the races To bet on the Bottle of Smoke..." "Bottle of Smoke", The Pogues Our son ...
|White Roses: Can't Let Go
"...tonight I'll be out on that hill 'cause I can't stop I'll be out on that hill with everything I got with lives on the line where dreams are found and lost I'll be there on time and I'...
|Anniversary: Sweet Soul Dream
"I'm trying to learn understanding Against the hell I can win If you'd hold me up Grow me up Let me be a part of it Give me the chance that I see I could take me up Raise me up Get to ...
...Can't believe you're really gone for good. I still haunt the places you once stood. I should move on, but I never could, Really believe that you were gone for good... All those years,
|Hello In There
"So if you're walking down the street sometime And spot some hollow ancient eyes, Please don't just pass 'em by and stare As if you didn't care, say, 'Hello in there, hello.'" ....
|Of Carrot Cake and Birthdays
"I'm feelin' thankful for the small things today I'm feelin' thankful for the small things today Happy, happy birthday to me Happy birthday to me and to you..." "Happy Birthday To ...
|Another Long Day In The Life
"Children are playing At the end of the day Strangers are singing On our lawn It's got to be more Than flesh and bone All that you've loved Is all you own In a land there's a town And ...
|The Kentucky Derby Party That Wasn't
"Well all of the hard days are gone, It's all beer and whiskey and songs from now on, Laugh at the darkness and dance until dawn, All of the hard days are gone. We're all safe and warm here,
|a gold band: some other long-gone friday night
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|of grief and insomnia
"this old man i've talked about broke his own heart poured it in the ground big red tree grew up and out throws up its leaves spins 'round and 'round i know all this and more so take your ...
|the whole of the moon
"I spoke about wings you just flew I wondered, I guessed, and I tried You just knew I sighed But you swooned I saw the crescent You saw the whole of the moon..." The Waterboys, "...
"We're riding out tonight to case the promised land Oh-oh Thunder Road oh Thunder Road Lying out there like a killer in the sun Hey I know it's late we can make it if we run Oh Thunder Road ...
|true love will find you in the end
"...don't be sad, i know you will but don't give up until true love will find you in the end this is a promise with a catch only if you're looking can it find you 'cause true love is ...
Reading up on the latest financial disasters tonight, my mind drifts back to the very end of the twentieth century, to the year 1999. Life, as they say, was good. Me and Lauren had entered ...
|sixteen years ago tonight...
i never saw her coming. twenty five years old and looking not much more than half of that, and i knew, just knew, i had some sort of magnificent future laid out in front of me somewhere, i just ...
|kitchen notes: when the rainbow comes
"build a new house down by the sea get to the place we were meant to be when the rainbow comes we'll be living on all sides when the rainbow comes..." "when the rainbow comes", ...
|syrup and honey: election days and freight yards
"don't you be using every minute on making a living because we got our love... don't you be out all night long leaving me all alone because i, i need your love..." duffy, "syrup and ...
|rain, rain, rain
can anyone recall the saddest love of all the one that lets you fall with nothin' to hold... Paul Westerberg, "Love Untold", from the album Eventually Tonight, ...
|notes from sunrise
i rose at 5:30, as usual...and as usual, i laid alone in our bed in the dark and the quiet, our three children still fast asleep, and as usual i wept over my wife's death, more than eight weeks ...
|Two Boys Who Loved You
this is the story of the boys who loved you who love you now and loved you then some were sweet and some were cold and snuffed you and some just laid around in bed some had crumbled you ...
|Of Boxing Days and New Year's Eves
"Now the street's turning blue the dogs are barking and the night has come and there's tears that are falling from your blue eyes now I wonder where you are and I whisper your name The ...
|Into The Dark: A Long Weekend
“love of mine someday you will die but I’ll be close behind I’ll follow you Into the dark No blinding light Or tunnels to gates of white Just our hands clasped so tight ...
|A Long Walk Home
"...in the distance i could see the town where i was born it's gonna be a long walk home yeah pretty darlin' don't wait up for me gonna be a long walk home..." " A Long Walk Home", ...
|Eulogy For My Wife
Diarist's Note: A few readers here have followed diaries of mine talking about my wife and her illness, and they asked to be updated on her condition. Unfortunately, my beloved Lauren died this ...
|Dear Lover: We Need A Miracle
"dear lover i can't take the pain no more dear lover i pick my heart up from the floor dear lover i can't believe it's come to this dear lover give me one last painful kiss..." "...
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