THE BELOW IS CYNICISM. IT MAY OR MAY NOT BE TRUE. IT MAY OR MAY NOT BE SATIRE. IT MAY OR MAY NOT BE SNARK. PROCEED WITH CYNICAL TONGUE IN CHEEK.
* - see definition of American
god: 1. the creator of everything except evolution, a 14 billion year old universe, and homosexuality and Satan too. Likes to punish the world for political decisions in America only apparently.
2. also not a religious icon or word too, thus the reason it remains on the money, is the national motto, and is in the pledge.
hell: the punishment place where everyone who god dislikes is sent to be tortured for all eternity.
Jesus Christ: the being whose return is imminent, at which time everyone who isn't properly christian will be sent to hell.
The Bible: 100% literal truth every word every single one is literally true.
Satan: that being who despite being unable to act in the universe depicted in the literally true every word Bible without god's permission is responsible for every bad thing.
Christian: conservative Protestant, with the members of other major Christian sects as considered acceptable by other conservative Protestants.
Christianity: 1. conservative Protestantism, with the portions of beliefs other major Christian sects as considered acceptable by conservative Protestantism. Also called "Judeo-Christian" because apparently they believe Judaism is an extension of Christianity and there's also some guilt there about the Holocaust.
2. a belief system that isn't a religion at all but is a "personal relationship with Christ."
3. a religion that's better served forced on your neighbors, legally too. See Religious Liberty
Religious Freedom: the freedom for conservative Christians (see definition of Christian) to live their lives and dictate the lives of minority groups.
Religious Liberty: the liberty for conservative Christians (see definition of Christian) to live their lives and dictate the liberty of minority groups.
Minority group: white people; Christians (see definition of Christian).
American: white conservative Christian.
activist judge: any judge who doesn't rule the way Americans* (see definition of American) likes
contraceptive: abortion drug
abortion: anything that happens from the point sperm meets egg to birth that doesn't result in a live birth (but note that the 50% implantation failure rate is not abortion and is just "natural." No word on if heaven is just clouds and billowing clouds of naturally expelled fertlized eggs.)
fertlized egg: in humans, an actual whole person.
lifestyle choice: homosexuality. totally not religion--you don't choose that. that's totally inborn.
religious persecution: hearing "Happy Holidays" or the fact that civil legal marriage is extended to same-sex couples is what this is.
sharia law: that icky thing Muslims do.
atheists: the people who are ruining America all by themselves.
birth control: slut pill
employer: an individual who has every right to dictate the private lives of those they employ in every fashion
America: the best country ever to exist. The Bible says so!
liberal: a satanic individual who lies
communist: a liberal
socialist: a communist (see definition for communist)
free market: the truly godly way of doing business
climate change: that thing communists made up, to block free market American values, and to persecute Christians, whose god said He'd never flood the world again oh and the Flood actually literally happened as written.
racist: liberal and or black person
corporation: a legal person
THE ABOVE IS CYNICISM. IT MAY OR MAY NOT BE TRUE. IT MAY OR MAY NOT BE SATIRE. IT MAY OR MAY NOT BE SNARK. I HOPE YOU READ WITH CYNICAL TONGUE IN CHEEK.