And the more sincerity and conviction you have in your voice the more it amplifies the sense of delusion - like hearing Donald Trump make wedding vows. On the other hand, if any Democratic President is going to be covered by the immunity ruling, it’s going to be you because the whole purpose of it is to make sure that there are no more Presidents from the Democratic Party
I can explain it to you in about five seconds. Remember Trump’s phone call to Raffensburger? That was an official act — took about an hour, got him nowhere. The next one’s gonna be a lot shorter and a lot more successful and will sound something like this: “Hey Brad, I need 11,780 more votes. Get them for me now or I’ll have you killed... Ok, great. Merry Christmas ”
Or the phone call where he was blackmailing an ally to frame your son. Even though you know he did that, even though you’ve heard that call. And even though you know a few months in jail would give Donald Trump Jr.s poor jaw a chance to finally get some rest… you still wouldn’t make a call like that. Because you’re not a shitty person. The immunity ruling only benefits shitty people: Presidents who are criminals and people who profit from having Presidents who are criminals. It is of absolutely no value to anyone else.
And it’s a law that puts the President above the law which is something you can have anywhere in the world except America and that’s by definition. So the moment that law took effect was the moment this stopped being America. It’s that simple. And because it happened on your watch that makes you the guy who lost it. Okay? That’s who you are now. The guy who lost America. And until you realize that we don’t have a hope of getting it back again. None of us.
If you want to keep living in your fantasy world, go ahead. In that world you’re not the guy who lost America, you’re just the guy who’s losing it, which isn’t much of an improvement. In your fantasy world you get to explain to the American people that the Supreme Court Republicans, while fully aware that a criminal psychopath is poised to retake the Presidency, just issued a ruling that gives carte blanche to all criminal psychopath Presidents to do whatever the hell they please because the law doesn’t apply to them.
It’s the first time in our history we’ve knowingly had a criminal psychopath about to ascend to the highest office in the land and the first time in our history we’ve had an exclusively pro-criminal psychopath executive ruling put on the books and we’re supposed to believe those two things have nothing to do with each other.
What we’re supposed to believe is the reason the Republican majority had to write the nation’s first ever pro-kleptomaniacal ruling tailor-made for a criminal sociopath to take and then never relinquish power and had to do it right away was because in March of 1788 Alexander Hamilton talked about having a “vigorous” executive in Federalist Paper #70 and what that meant was that the Founding Fathers wanted the President to be able to commit crime after crime after crime and that there should be nothing at all to stop them because back then “vigorous” meant “Strong, healthy and full of energy” just like it does today! And although to everyone else in the nation that would mean something like the President should be able to do a bunch of push-ups or something, for the six Republicans in the Supreme Court things like strength, health and energy are measured by the ability to commit crimes without the slightest consequence.
Sorry Joe, but you can’t just pawn this off on cultural differences. These bastards are lying straight to your face and the rest of ours too and they’re setting up to destroy everything all of us hold dear. Just saying “I dissent.” isn’t good enough. Not by a long shot. I don’t know exactly what you should say, but “This is about Alexander Hamilton like my ass chews gum...” would be a good start.
You might want to remember they gave another reason for Presidential immunity besides the pressing urgency of implementing a clearly insane interpretation of a word choice made in 1788: without immunity the outgoing President can be arrested and face a bunch of made-up charges by the next President. Of course that’s never been a problem before, but it will be now because immunity against being prosecuted is also immunity from any consequence of carrying out false prosecutions. In other words, this is a law designed to turn the Presidency, along with the country it’s supposed to lead, into a fucking madhouse.
Right now the guy who started an insurrection, tried to overturn an election, stole a shit ton of documents, falsified business records and goddam raped a woman in a dressing room is saying he didn’t do any of those things and that they’re all false charges brought on him by you, and who also claimed standard FBI protocols was actually your attempting to murder him… that’s just Trump being Trump. There’s no way he’d ever have you, an innocent man, arrested... just because it might benefit him as a warning to others or whatever extent it could appear to legitimize his lies.
If that’s what you seriously think… I know what you mean. It’s what I’d seriously think too. And in March when I found myself, wife and children behind bars I’d think maybe by the 900th time he’d used my last name as a prefix to the words “Crime Family” I should’ve taken the hint.
But I wouldn’t have, just like you probably won’t, because people like us never do. We’re always looking for the best in people — it’s what we’re good at. So that’s what we’re going to do now.
So Here’s How We Turn It All Around:
Sit down and read the ruling, bearing in mind it was written by six of our country’s finest legal minds, each of them patriots to the very marrow of their bones. They’re our Constitution’s fiercest defenders and highest scholars. So around the fourth or fifth time you find yourself saying “This couldn’t have possibly been written by an American...” start taking it to heart and realize that’s precisely what they’re trying to tell you. What you’re reading isn’t a legal ruling, it’s a hostage video: the kind where a POW is saying everything’s fine while blinking the word “torture” over and over in Morse Code. That’s what you’re looking at. How do you know this? Because there’s no way in hell that six Americans, let alone Supreme Court justices would’ve written such a thing. So the first thing you’ve got to do is save them, and the only way to do that is to strip them of the power that’s made them so valuable to whomever is behind this. Keep the ruling with you at all times and refer to it whenever you have doubts. It’s the law that places one and only one person above all other laws and that’s the only person who can destroy it.
Now you are that person, and this is your one and only chance to turn everything around. You do not have any immunity until you have an un-compromised court, but for now you have something even greater: the power of knowing that failure will find you and your family behind bars. And you have the almost magical powers that come with an office previously held by a criminal lunatic who wasn’t held accountable for anything. So grab a sharpie and a map: you’re the President of the United States and you’ve got a hurricane to redirect!
Right now Beryl’s hitting southeast Texas, so call up FEMA and the National Guard and declare a state of emergency for everything in its path, including Palm Beach Florida and Northeast Virginia where you predict the destruction will be concentrated on Mar-a-Lago and each of the Supreme Court majority’s residences. Those locations need to be fully locked down and blacked out: nobody in or out and no phone calls or electronic communications for 72 hours. The only exceptions will be calls routed through the FEMA switchboard where I’m going to need a separate operator and at least three dedicated lines. If the press or anyone else needs to know what’s going on, these are emergency precautions for their own safety. Any questions beyond that should be answered with just one word: “Antifa.” And any questions beyond that should’ve been asked six years ago.
I’m going to need working numbers for Ivanka Trump, Harlan Crow, Sidney Powell and Dana Carvey. Just get me those numbers and at the end of 72 hours you’ll have six perfectly legal and completely voluntary resignations from the Republicans on the Supreme Court negotiated by Donald Trump and all of it bought and paid for by Harlan Crow. Apart from that I think you’ll agree that the less you know about Operation Malarkey-Palooza the better. If you have any further questions you can Kosmail me, but since I know you’re busy the answers are Hitler’s Brain and Hugo Chavez.
What’s important is your hands will be clean and we’ll have freed six fine patriots and scholars from the black robes responsible for the blackmailing the poor traumatized dears may have blacked out of their memories. Hopefully you and the new streamlined Supremes can reverse that damn ruling and maybe think up some kind of “No America-Ending” amendment to the Constitution. I don’t know how so many people can still think unlimited power’s some cool thing that always works out great. The cultural de-emphasis of literature certainly doesn’t help. Or who knows? Maybe by covering up electrical outlets around babies we stopped weeding them out of the gene pool.
Here’s how my Dad used to put it:
“Heaven is a place that we dream of where all of our wishes come true. Hell is where it actually happens.”
There’s a reason this is the moral to almost every story, and that’s because people somehow always seem to forget it. Don’t be one of them.
Now grab yourself a Sharpie and go play God. We’ve got a country to save.