I’m usually just a lurker here, but I have been pretty distressed by the commentary since the debate… not just from some people whom I have long read and respected, but also from some the late-night hosts who truly seem to have missed the mark in their effort to get a laugh.
So, I decided that I wanted to offer up some new material and a different perspective.
I’m no comedian, but in the spirit of levity and unity, here is a list of some of my recent idle thoughts about the President’s age that we can probably all agree upon...
Joe Biden is SO OLD (how old is he?) that…
… He makes Donald Trump look like a bratty toddler with a full diaper.
… He makes Donald Trump look like he’s only three years younger than him!
… He makes Donald Trump look like he’s 96% of his own age!
… He makes Donald Trump look like an overgrown Oompa-Loompa (all apologies to OLs!).
Joe Biden is so old that…
… He remembers when Republicans actually cared about deficits.
… He remembers when Republicans actually cared about facts.
… He remembers bipartisanship.
… He remembers when there was civility in congress.
… He remembers when the Republican Party unanimously supported extending the Voting Rights Act over and over again.
… He remembers when the Republican Party unanimously voted to increase the spending limit without threatening to shut down the government.
… He remembers when Republicans worked against fascists rather than with them or for them (or as them!)
… He remembers when Republican voters pretended to care about law and order.
… He remembers when Republicans preferred the United States over Russia.
… He remembers the last time the Republican candidate for President actually won the popular vote!
… He remembers when the Republican Party stood for something – anything – other than covering for Donald Trump.
… He remembers when ex-presidents weren’t felons.
… He remembers when the Supreme Court was, indeed, Supreme.
Joe Biden is so old that…
… He can’t even remember the Republican Party Platform. Oh, wait, that’s because they don’t have one other than “what Trump said” — as if anyone can make sense of that!
… He can’t even remember the last time he was indicted for committing a crime. Oh, wait, that’s because he never has been.
… He can’t even remember which members of his administration were indicted for committing a crime. Oh, wait, that’s because none of them ever have been.
… He can’t even remember which members of his administration have gone to jail. Oh, wait, that’s because none of them ever has.
… He can’t even remember the name of the last woman he groped without permission. Oh, wait…that’s because he’s never done that.
Joe Biden is so old that…
… He’s lost track of how many “Scaramuccis” his cabinet members have served.
… He doesn’t feel the need to paint his face orange to cover up his age spots.
… He actually has to ride his bike to get exercises rather than being driven around in a golf cart.
… He can’t even name — alphabetically OR chronologically — all of the teenage girls and women who have credibly accused Trump of sexual assault… because there are just too damned many of them!
… Even though he was tired and sick and facing off with a madman who spewed nonstop lies, his answers at the debate were more truthful and more reasonable than the other guy, who was, admittedly, louder.
There are plenty more where that came from — please add your own! Maybe we can get Colbert to change his tune...