By David Glenn Cox
Okay, so Donald Trump finally shows himself in public. It’s not Weekend at Bernie’s after all. Now, from the very same people who brought you “My Pillow.” Now comes, “My Bandage.” Looks like Mr. Trump has been treated by Dr. Mike Lindell. So maybe Trump did go play Golf instead expressing his sympathy to the grieving widow of the man killed at HIS rally. Ahh, it’s good to have things back to normal, huh? Trump plays Golf instead of expressing his condolences. “Killed hell! Look at my ear!”
Republican delegates have begun wearing little pillows on their ears because monkey see, monkey do. They started drinking at lunch when the little pillow idea came to them after being unable to find any suitable lampshades to wear. What else is there to do at the convention? See the sights? “Hey look! There’s Lake Michigan!” After Mr. Trump had successfully drained off all the drama and anticipation by naming his VP before the convention. Do not open until X-mas. Smooth move Exlax. Now what?
“Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce to you the former Assistant Secretary of Agriculture from the great state of North Dakota!” Nothing! They have absolutely nothing! Trump obviously gets nominated in the first half-hour. (Only three days left!) Then Trump blurts out his VP choice like he’s peddling gym shoes again. “Oh, by the way. I pick this guy.” Only three days and nights of television time left to fill.
Now all the lookers and searchers, investigators and pooper scoopers will investigate J.D. Vance. But it’s overwork and under smart. It’s really very simple. The Boss, Donald Trump, once encouraged an angry mob to assassinate the last person he had picked for that very same position. So going in, J.D. Vance knows that if he doesn’t do exactly what the boss wants him to do. The boss might try to have him killed. Officially, so it’s legal. What else do you need to know about the man?
Anyone who would accept that position is either carven coward sort of a dimwit fellow desperate for attention or adulation. Or a dangerous man needed to be watched very closely. No doubt about it, ole J.D. is an ambitious man, beware the Ides of March! “Who keeps leaving these bars of soap on the floor?” I would advise hiring a food taster. I’m not bad mouthing the man so much as short circuiting to the obvious. There is only one real reason to accept this position. Knowing the possible violent repercussions. J.D. wants to be the President, not the Vice-President, but the President.
Hoping against hope, the 78-year-old succumbs to skin or peroxide poisoning or chokes on his cheeseburger. Mike Pence at least had an excuse; he didn’t know any better. “Look Mother! The crocodiles have invited me to go swimming with them. But J. D. says sure, I’d love to be your running mate mein Fuhrer. Tee hee, tee hee. I once denounced you but now…I’m greatly honored to call you, my friend. Come friend, we’re going to have so many fine adventures in the coming days together. Say friend, have you ever tried Bungee-Jumping sir? I think maybe you’d like it.
The plan was to call for unity, until the Boss went right back into his same old spiel. Time for a new plan! But remember those cognitive tests? Which one of these animals should you be more afraid of? The bunny rabbit or the rattlesnake? Anybody who would take this job is a person you better watch closely and maybe monitor their phone traffic. That getting killed at work thing is a door which swings both ways. Anyone who would take that job is someone you should be afraid of.
No, I’m not afraid of picking up hitchhikers. What are the chances of two serial killers being in the same car?
And if elected, I promise to work faithfully alongside the aged Herr Hindenburg, as your Vice Chancellor! J.D. is all over the map politically. He denounces Trump with all the hottest kind of language then agrees with Alex Jones. He’s Mr. Whatever! He’s whatever you want him to be! Principals? We had those in school!
There’s an old saying about Ohio, “Ohio is the birthplace of Presidents,” not Vice-Presidents. Maybe I’m using too big a hammer here, but this isn’t politics, this is Shakespeare.
“There is a tide in the affairs of men
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat;
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures.” ― William Shakespeare
Now for some good news, this is it. This was the apogee of the Republican Presidential campaign. Flat as a pancake at Denny’s! Even the drama which could have been was wasted on a funny bandage. A tiny little pillow glued to the side of Donald Trump’s head. It’s hard to feel sympathy for a man with a funny bandage on his head as Donald Trump introduces us to his new friend Mr. Cassius.
“Let me have men about me that are fat,
...Sleek-headed men and such as sleep a-nights.
Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look,
He thinks too much; such men are dangerous.”― William Shakespeare
It’s not politics, it’s not politics at all, it’s Shakespeare.
“What a terrible era in which idiots govern the blind.”
― William Shakespeare