Late Night Snark: Hot Enough For Ya? Edition
"150 million Americans are expected to experience temperatures above 90 degrees this week, thanks to what they call a 'heat dome.' I always thought the heat dome was the weird helmet thing my grandma sat under at the hair salon. It'll be so hot in Maine this week the lobsters will be getting in pots just to cool down. It's so hot in New York this week the rats are wearing crop tops. It's so hot at Mar-a-Lago Donald Trump asked Melania to be even colder to him."
—Jimmy Kimmel
"Hot weather can result in lower scores on math tests, as well as higher rates of aggression, ranging from mean-spirited behavior to violent crime. Well, that explains Florida."
—Stephen Colbert
"The election is in full swing right now, and it's pretty much your usual campaign: candidates offering policy proposals, trading barbs, and occasionally getting convicted of 34 felonies and complaining about the judge."
—John Oliver
"The author of the upcoming book Apprentice in Wonderland said in a new interview that former president Trump has—quote—severe memory issues. 'Same here,' said undecided voters."
—Seth Meyers
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Clip of author Ramin Setoohdeh: [Trump] confidently told me and declared that 'Joan Rivers voted for me when I ran for president.’ Joan Rivers died in 2014.
Jimmy Kimmel: So he's right. Dead people are voting!"
—Jimmy Kimmel Live
"Russia and North Korea—it's the perfect alliance. They go together like vodka and famine. Everyone wins: Russia gets North Korean weapons, and North Korea gets whatever Putin has—those nesting dolls and Tucker Carlson's phone number."
—The Daily Show guest anchor Ronny Chieng
"McDonald's is going to stop using A.I. to take its drive-thru orders. You know A.I. hasn't worked out the kinks when a 16-year-old on edibles is more reliable."
—Jimmy Fallon
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, June 21, 2024
Note: There will be no C&J on Monday. Instead, please enjoy the giant gaping hole that our absence will leave in the very heart of Daily Kos. Bring binoculars—that's one deep chasm. Back Tuesday with a defibrillator and lots of first-aid cream.
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By the Numbers:
9 days!!!
Days 'til the Summer Olympic Games in Paris: 35
Days 'til the San Francisco Pride Parade: 9
Percent of new U.S. electricity generation in 2024 expected to come from solar, according to the Energy Department: 58%
Gigawatts of solar expected to be added to the grid this year, a record that's nearly double last year's number: 36
Years of experimenting unsuccessfully with artificial intelligence for its drive-thru service before McDonald's scrapped it: 2
Age of Willie Mays when he died this week: 93
Years Mays played in the National League (Giants/Mets): 1951-1973
Date on which I created my very first blockquote in C&J: 6/21/05
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Weekend plans…
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CHEERS to the party of fiscal responsibility. That would be the Democratic party. And if we could ever drill that into the thick heads of our profoundly-ignorant fellow countrymen, they might actually give Dems big enough majorities to get some big stuff done on their behalf. But don’t take my word for it. USA Today pondered the easily-answered question of which president's economic policies would be better for We The People, and…
“Biden’s policies are better for the economy,” says Mark Zandi, chief economist of Moody’s Analytics. “They lead to more growth and less inflation.”
Speaks softly and carries a big economy stick.
According to a Moody’s study, Trump’s plan would trigger a recession by mid-2025 and an economy that grows an average 1.3% annually during his four-year term vs. 2.1% under Biden. (The latter is in line with average growth in the decade before the pandemic.)
Next year, under a Trump administration, inflation would rise from the current 3.3% to 3.6%, well above the 2.4% forecast under Biden, the Moody’s analysis shows. Compared with Biden, the U.S. would have 3.2 million fewer jobs and a 4.5% unemployment rate, a half percentage point higher, at the end of a Trump tenure.
Even right-leaning economists agree Trump’s trade and immigration policies would hobble the economy. Scott Lincicome of the libertarian Cato Institute says they would be “highly damaging to the U.S. and global economies.”
Also in Biden's favor: he's not a stark-raving white-supremacist lunatic with delusions of dictatorship. And that...you can take to the bank.
JEERS to poking the Constitution with a sharp stick. Christopher Hitchens famously said (and used as a subtitle for his book God is Not Great), "Religion poisons everything." The latest example of that has been called out this week with lights flashing and sirens blaring. Instead of focusing on learning, the MAGA leadership in Louisiana has decided to force-feed children their particular brand of religion: conservative, angry-god Christianity that demands allegiance to deeply-flawed, frequently-corrupt, hyper-hypocritical humans in power under penalty of being sent to Hell by an invisible Santa Claus (or Easter Bunny, if you prefer) in the sky. The ACLU is already suing to block the 10 Commandments from being tacked up on all public classroom walls. And don’t think for a second that the Satanic Temple isn’t licking its chops in anticipation of demanding that its "7 Tenets" be given equal time:
I One should strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason.
II The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions.
III One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone.
They seem to be fond of freedom, equality...and bones.
IV The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one's own.
V Beliefs should conform to one's best scientific understanding of the world. One should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit one's beliefs.
VI People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one's best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused.
VII Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word.
The Bible thumpers will fight tooth and crucifixion-nail to keep those tenets from the eyes of children. They'll just lead to reasonable, happy and well-rounded adults. Ick! Ick!
CHEERS to supporting the troops. 80 years ago tomorrow, President Roosevelt—he of the super-awesome Democratic Party—signed the G.I. Bill of Rights:
Although World War II was far from over, FDR was determined to plan ahead for a smooth transition to peace, both abroad and at home.
FDR signs the historic G.I. Bill.
The President proposed to Congress a way to level the economic impact of the war’s end and to integrate returning veterans back into American society.
The result was the GI Bill.
Now widely credited with creating the post-war middle class, the GI Bill of Rights provided returning veterans with educational benefits, work training, hiring preferences, and subsidized loans for buying homes, businesses and farms. It continues today to be one of the lasting legacies of the Roosevelt administration.
It rewarded servicemen for their sacrifices with low-cost loans, educational subsidies and other benefits. Kind of like what our 43rd president (remember him?) wanted to do for servicemembers during his wartime presidency...minus the low-cost loans, educational subsidies and other benefits. (But double the deployments!)
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to great moments in agriculture! On this date in 1834, Cyrus McCormick got his patent approved for the first reaping machine. Eh, sow what?
CHEERS to home vegetation. As far as TV goes, not much on this weekend. The MSNBC crew will be competing with the always dependable The Office marathon on Comedy Central. Oh, and tonight at 8 me and my online Enterprise crewmates are live-tweeting—via hashtag #allstartrek—the classic A Taste of Armageddon episode of Star Trek (the first one I ever watched) airing on the H&I network.
“Oh, darling. It’s The Matador Show!”
The most popular movies and streamers, new and old, are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. (The Bikeriders with Austin Butler and Tom Hardy leads the pack, but I’ll be watching a classic Donald Sutherland flick or two.) Sports schedules: MLB here and WNBA here, plus game 6 of the Stanley Cup final tonight at 8 on ABC. Also: U.S. Olympic Trials in diving, swimming, and track & field tomorrow and Sunday night on NBC.
Sunday on 60 Minutes: encore reports on Putin’s political opponents living in exile, and the Senate logjam over the Law of the Sea. Then later Sunday night there’s a new episode of the Game of Thrones prequel House of Random Stabbings on HBO, which I only watch because the devil makes me do it. And finally, if you can stay up ‘til 11:25, John Oliver delivers another hot plate of Last Week Tonight (HBO) with a side of kippers and chips.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Puppy and goat murderer Kristi Noem; Biden campaign co-chair Mitch Landrieu.
CNN's State of the Union: Governor Doug “Who?” Burgum (MAGA Cult-ND).
The look that says, “MAGA cultists, I’m going to eat your pathetic arguments for lunch.”
This Week: Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-MA); presidential historians Jon Meacham and Doris Kearns Goodwin; Bill Nye the Science Guy on global warming; oddball pollster Frank Luntz.
Face the Nation: Oh, FFS—another worthless roundtable of voters speaking “on the issues they care about”...and then no doubt tightly edited by CBS News so that all that’s provided is heat, not light. Plus: former Deputy CIA Director Michael Morell and Gov. Michelle Lujan-Grisham (D-NM).
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Senators Chris Coons (D-DE) and Lindsey Graham (MAGA Cult-#45’s butt).
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: June 21, 2014
CHEERS to your unintentional vice presidential pun of the day. Joe Biden reacting to the U.S. win over Ghana at the World Cup Monday:
"This is a kick, man!"
This has been your unintentional vice presidential pun of the day. Thank you for your attention.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to being born! A hearty "Happy Birthday and many blessings on your camels" to Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren, who turns [hffrrhffrrhrrr] tomorrow. Republicans fought tooth and nail to keep her from getting elected to the seat once occupied by the mighty Ted Kennedy, and it's easy to see why: her brains, common sense and willingness to expose the banksters and Trumpbots as the scum-sucking vampire squids they are have made her the ideological North Star for the Democratic party and a huge swath of independents. Here she is in action...
Our official C&J birthday gift to Senator Warren, as she continues her battle against the Republican forces of evil: a new pair of shoes with spikes in the toes. (Use them for good, ma’am. Only for good.)
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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