A Brief Dialogue
A: We must lower the temperature in this country. Democrats and Republicans must peacefully unify against violence in word and deed.
B: You mean like the guy who tried to take the life of Donald Trump?
A: Yes.
B: And politicians who brandish weapons of war in their TV ads—including machine guns, flame throwers and explosives—to blow up things affiliated with their opponents?
A: Yes.
B: And also putting bullseye targets over their rivals’ faces in ads?
A: Yes.
B: And politicians who feature photos of their families brandishing weapons of war on their Christmas cards?
A: Yes.
B: And people who promote and advocate "second amendment remedies"?
A: Yes.
B: And people who mock physical assaults on rival politicians and their families?
A: Yes.
B: And politicians who pass racist "stand your ground laws" that promote citizen vigilantism?
A: Yes.
B: And people who advocate starting another bloody civil war?
A: Yes.
B: And citizens who walk around stores and restaurants brandishing weapons of war, for no other reason than to intimidate and terrorize people?
A: Yes.
B: And politicians who obstruct laws that would keep guns out of the hands of haters who act out their hate by shooting people?
A: Yes.
B: And armed insurrections attempting to violently overthrow the government because they don’t like the certified election results?
A: Yes.
B: Okay. Since the Trump shooter was a conservative Republican, and Republicans are the only ones blowing up stuff and putting targets on rivals’ faces in campaign ads, posing with assault weapons on their Christmas cards, mocking attacks on their rivals, promoting "second amendment remedies," passing racist "stand your ground" laws, egging on civil war, walking around public spaces with assault weapons, obstructing gun-control laws, and actually attempting insurrection, what are Democrats supposed to do, again?
[Long pause]
A: You ask too many questions.
And now, our feature presentation…
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, July 16, 2024
Note: Since the Major League All-Star Game is tonight, let’s do an online wave:
yyyyyyyyyYYYYyyyyyyyyy
Whee.
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4 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Space Exploration Day: 4
Days 'til the Michigan Honey Festival in Corunna: 4
Percent of Americans who tell Pew Research pollsters that voters should have the option to vote early or absentee without having to document a reason: 60%
COVID-related deaths two weeks ago and last week, respectively: 290 / 327
Number of women appointed to Cabinet positions (a record) following Labour's win in Britain: 11
Chronological rank of Rachel Reeves among women who have appointed Chancellor of the Exchequer over the last 800 years: #1
Age of Dr. Ruth Westheimer and Richard Simmons when they died over the weekend: 96, 76
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Puppy Pic of the Day: This also works on weekdays, we hear…
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JEERS to sick dreams fulfilled. For weeks now my sources inside Mar-a-Lago have been telling me the same thing: Judge Aileen Cannon keeps bugging Donald Trump to have sex with her, and he keeps avoiding her because "she's over 25," but in a moment of weakness he said okay fine I'll have sex with you if you drop the classified documents case against me. So then…
The classified documents case against former President Donald Trump has been dismissed by Judge Aileen Cannon, according to court records. The judge ruled that special counsel Jack Smith's appointment was unconstitutional.
That sound you hear is negligee-clad Judge Cannon patting her pillow and purring, "C'mere, big boy, this love court's in session and Mama's gonna make your tallywacker great again." In the distance, Stormy Daniels is thinking, “Honey, are you in for a world of disappointment.”
CHEERS to a happy little story wedged in between the doom and gloom. Hey, everybody, the Olympic torch arrived in Paris ahead of the Summer Games that start in 10 days. Yay, happy happy happy! Humanity coming together in peace and harmony to celebrate our oneness as a species and the greatest athletes who walk, run, jump, and swim among us:
World Cup-winning soccer great Thierry Henry was given the honor of the first leg on the capital's most famous avenue, with the torch then heading for landmarks including the parliament and Notre-Dame cathedral
Wild guess: the torch was designed by a juggler.
The flame remained in the capital Monday for a second day, making a stop with some can-can dancers outside the famed Moulin Rouge cabaret show before traveling up to the hill-top Montmartre cathedral.[…]
[T]he relay through 450 French towns and cities has taken place without any major security problems—testimony to the huge numbers of police officers deployed and careful planning.
"Careful planning? What's that?" said the U.S. Secret Service.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to lighting one helluva candle. Speaking of torches, today is the 55th anniversary of the liftoff of Apollo 11, when we sent three biologically-active bags of water into the cold and unforgiving void known as “space” in a tin can filled with blinking lights and Tang for a week or two. Cronkite's understatement: "Oh, boy, What a moment." Watch it on the way back machine…
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The mission would fulfill a vision set forth by President John F. Kennedy eight years earlier to put a man on the moon before decade's end, and would climax with Neil Armstrong's immortal words four days later: "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for... Mmmm! Hey guys, it’s cheddar!"
JEERS to nut gatherings. I couldn’t watch it last night. No way. I just couldn’t bring myself to take in the propaganda, the absurd displays of unearned loyalty, the terrible policy ideas, the cuddling up to despots, the violent rhetoric, the lust for power at all costs, the stifling of freedom and disdain for democracy. It was shameful. It was un-American. It was just a bunch of brain-dead sycophants in silly clothes, many holding signs bearing the likeness of their unquestioned leader, chanting bullshit in unison as the cameras rolled to catch all the carefully choreographed action. (Although I was surprised there was no confetti or balloons.) And it's all happening again today. And tomorrow. And the next day. But enough about the Chinese Communist Party's conference in Beijing. Anyone hear anything about the RNC convention in Milwaukee?
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15 years ago in C&J: July 16, 2009
JEERS to the CIA. Which apparently stands for Coverups In Action:
Four months after he was sworn in, CIA Director Leon E. Panetta learned of an intelligence program that had been hidden from Congress since 2001, a revelation that prompted him to immediately cancel the initiative and schedule a pair of closed-door meetings on Capitol Hill.
The next day, June 24, Panetta informed the House and Senate intelligence committees of the program and the action he had taken, according to Democratic and Republican members of the panels.
And just like that, Wild Roman-style Orgy Thursdays got axed. Killjoys.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to great moments in political advertiseriness. I imagine that the moment Mitt Romney decided it would be a good idea to warble through "America the Beautiful" at a campaign stop in 2012 was the same moment the Obama team knew they'd be using it to create a now-legendary TV ad. When they released it twelve years ago this week, it was guaranteed to be talked about for decades. In fact, it's the only campaign ad of 2012 that generated a rare public display of affection for its technical merits, especially the audio mix. I know Senator Romney bucked his party to convict President Trump, and openly condemns him on a regular basis. But for old time's sake and political-history purposes, crank up your speakers and annoy your neighbors:
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Also for old time's sake and political-history purposes: Obama-Biden 332, Romney-Ryan 206. Oh, beautiful.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
The latest Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool being mounted at the Natural History Museum in Los Angeles is the only one found on the planet whose water is green, according to museum officials.
—Associated Press
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