From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Well, That's Two Years Down the Terlet
Hey, everybody, we did it! Assuming he completes his one and only term, as of yesterday we survived the first 50 percent of the Trump administration. That's certainly enough time for us to get a generous hint of what his legacy will look like. But even as an award-winning blogger with above-average analytical skills, I'm having just a little difficulty putting my finger on how he'll be remembered. That's why I've assembled a bipartisan panel and tasked them with helping provide me with some clues. Let's see what they came up with:
“This is the president essentially being a man-baby.”
---Rep. Dale Kildee (D-MI)
"All too often in the last two years, the President has acted like he’s is in the 5th grade and to have someone who has that kind of character running the country, is an enormous problem at every level."
---Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA)
"I agree with Adam Schiff that the President is acting like a fifth-grader. Although that insults fifth-graders. But clearly we do not have an adult in the White House."
---Sen. Mazie Hirono (D-HI)
“You wonder why in the world Democrats ever considered replacing [Speaker Pelosi]. She knows she has power, she willingly and skillfully deploys it, and, as she has said, as a mother of five children, knows how to handle a toddler’s meltdown."
---Jennifer Rubin
The Trump presidency turns two this month, and though we often hear the mantra “this is not normal,” what President Trump is doing actually is normal. For a 2-year-old.
If you want to understand this White House, turn off Wolf Blitzer and pick up Benjamin Spock. The ninth edition of the late pediatrician’s famous guide tells us all we need to know about this presidency as it approaches its second birthday: “This can be a physically exhausting and trying time.”
---Dana Milbank
His childlike ignorance---preserved by a lifetime of single-minded self-promotion---concerning governance and economics guarantees that whenever he must interact with experienced and accomplished people, he is as bewildered as a kindergartener at a seminar on string theory.
---George Will
Hmm. Not quite sensing a pattern yet. More study is needed. I’ll analyze it further over cookies and paste during this afternoon’s blankey time.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, January 21, 2019
Note: Yesterday's horoscope about being consumed by disease, famine and plague while sharing a cot with Tucker Carlson was issued in error. It's actually today's horoscope. Yesterday's horoscope should have read: "Find a really good hiding place before tomorrow." We regret the error. ---Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Michael Cohen testifies publicly before Congress: 17
Days 'til Australia Day: 5
Amount of power Google will buy from 1.6 million solar panels located at Yum Yum, Tennessee and Hollywood, Alabama solar farms: 413 megawatts
Number of lobster harvesters in Maine, who brought in an estimated "very good" 119 million pounds last year: 4,500
Number of construction cranes now hovering over Seattle, the most of any U.S. city at the moment: 59
Grades Martin Luther King, Jr. was able to skip, allowing him to start attending Morehouse College at age 15: 9th, 12th
Number of times King was jailed while practicing non-violent dissent: 29
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Ever seen a puppy with upside-down paws? Now you have (but hopefully not for much longer.)
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JEERS to the art of the heel's deal. On Saturday, Donald Trump promised to make a "major announcement" on border security at 3pm, during which he would make a proposal that Democrats would approve and thus end the government shutdown. It should come as no surprise that his announcement was not major, he didn’t make it at 3pm, and Democrats shot it down before he could say "Gah bwesh duh United Shtetsh." Mark Sumner live-blogged it, and the reactions are about what you'd expect:
It is unlikely that any one of these provisions alone would pass the House, and taken together, they are a non-starter. For one thing, this proposal does not include the permanent solution for the Dreamers and TPS recipients that our country needs and supports.
—House Speaker Nancy Pelosi
We will never allow a shutdown as a negotiating tactic. Need to reopen government first.
—Rep. Ted Lieu (D-CA)
Trump proposes amnesty. We voted for Trump and got Jeb!
—Ann Coulter
A man slashes your car tire and then demands you buy him a Rolex. You refuse and then he offers to “temporarily” patch your tire if you buy him a Rolex. Trump thinks this is what it means to “compromise.”
—Judd Legum
"It was the President who singled-handedly took away DACA and TPS protections in the first place—offering some protections back in exchange for the wall is not a compromise but more hostage taking."
—Sen. Minority leader Chuck Schumer
A fantastic proposal Mr. President! Let's get it done!
—Sen.Lindsey Graham (R-Trump’s Golf Cart)
And you'll never guess how Senate Majority Testudines Mitch McConnell, who vowed to never put a wall-related bill to a vote that didn’t have the support of both Trump and Democrats, reacted. He's decided to commit political suicide by sucking up to Trump and vowing to put the loser bill (which doesn’t even exist yet) to a vote. I swear to god, is there no Republican that someone doesn’t have a pee tape on?
P.S. Because of the Trump Shutdown---now in its 31st day---there are now literal bread lines in D.C.:
Coming soon: Trumpvilles for homeless federal workers?
CHEERS to rackin’ up some serious Fitbit numbers. The weather was a bit less than cooperative in spots around the country for the women’s marches over the weekend, but fine in most cities and towns that hosted them. Despite some controversy this year, attendance was still impressive from coast to coast, two years after 2017's mega-event that delivered a body blow to the newly-inaugurated Trump administration from which it never recovered. A few pics…
More pics here. You could tell the rallies were put on by liberals instead of conservatives. They were peaceful, diverse and organized. The signs were spell-checked. The flags represented America instead of Nazi Germany or the Confederacy. They didn’t come dressed in black body armor with guns and shields. And not a tiki torch in sight.
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JEERS to John Q. Corporation: Super Citizen!!! Nine years ago today, five conservative activist judges on the Supreme Court delivered their verdict on our system of government: it's for sale to the highest bidder. Citizens United is now a four-letter two-words to anyone who values clean and fair campaign financing. But we now know that there's a rather sizable silver lining in the wake of that decision. Those idiot Justices, who agreed that "corporations are people," pissed off so many people that the billionaires and their Super PAC lapdogs got run over by a grassroots stampede in 2012 and subsequent elections. Money is still huge and often decisive, hence the need to do something to curb the tidal wave of cash. But it's not a bell that automatically makes us drool over a candidate when Sheldon Adelson or the Koch brothers ring it. Unless, I must concede, the candidate's name is Dairy Queen Oreo Blizzard.
CHEERS to shutting down the shutdowner-in-chief. Sometimes all you need is the headline:
January 16 Trump orders offshore oil leasing work to continue despite shutdown
January 19 Judge: No offshore drilling preparations while government is shut down
And this one I found on Google that has nothing to do with offshore drilling but, hey, you take the punchlines wherever you can find them: Report: Everybody in the White House Considers Trump an Idiot. [Ba-dum-bum, Tshhh.]
JEERS to moments we wish we could take back. Twenty-one years ago today, on January 21, 1998, allegations of Bill Clinton's affair with Monica Lewinsky first became public via The Washington Post. The president was later impeached by the House (but not convicted by the Senate) when it was discovered that his lying about Oval Office blow jobs resulted in the deaths of nearly 4,000 American soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan at a cost of over two trillion dollars, while simultaneously promoting torture and letting New Orleans drown in the wake of a catastrophic hurricane. Thank goodness his successor restored integrity to the White House, huh.
CHEERS to nimble fingers vs. fumble fingers. If you missed the NFL action yesterday, here's what happened: the Los Angeles Rams beat the New Orleans Saints 26 to 23, and the elderly New England Patriots whacked the invincible Kansas City Chiefs with their canes 37-31---both games, by the way, going into overtime. (But don’t feel bad for the losers---they’re going home with a fabulous runner-up prize package that includes a Samsonite luggage set and $100 gift certificate from the Spiegel Catalog.) So it'll be Goff vs. Brady (Him again!!!) on February 3 during Super Bowl VVVVVVVVVVIII. As usual, the winners of that competition will be the Budweiser Clydesdales and whoever's turn it is to have a halftime wardrobe malfunction.
CHEERS to the suds of our lives. Eighty-one years ago this week, canned beer made its debut in Richmond, Virginia:
In partnership with the American Can Company, the Gottfried Krueger Brewing Company delivered 2,000 cans of Krueger's Finest Beer and Krueger's Cream Ale to faithful Krueger drinkers in Richmond, Virginia.
Ninety-one percent of the drinkers approved of the canned beer, driving Krueger to give the green light to further production.
Which reminds me: what's Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh's favorite book in the whole world? Atlas Chugged.
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Ten years ago in C&J: January 21, 2009
BREAKING! The Obamas' first night in the White House
“What a day!”
"Phew, yeah...what a day!"
"I'm exhausted. Could you get the light, Barack?"
"Yes I can! I will not only get the light, I will shine the light for all Americans and show them the way through the darkness! It is a light that arises from the hopes and dreams of the old and the young, the black and white and yellow and red and brown, the gay and the straight, the rich and the poor! It is a light on whose rays the promise of hope...and opportunity...and achievement...all bend toward a distant, brighter future! But it will take all of us, working together in a spirit of shared sacrifice and commitment, to make that light a beacon of progress. And I say to you tonight: This is our moment! This is our bedtime! This..."
"Oh fer heaven's sake never mind, I'll do it myself..."
[Click!]
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And just one more…
Due to the Martin Luther King Jr. Day holiday,
today's "Just One More" feature is closed.
If we catch you climbing over the
velvet rope, you are
so grounded,
bub.
Oh, and today is also Squirrel Appreciation Day. This site recommends that you dress up your dog like a squirrel. I would add: only if you have a death wish. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Michael Cohen Used Trump's Money To Pay A Guy To Impersonate Bill In Portland Maine And Tweet About How Sexy Candy Corn Is
---Buzzfeed
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