I am an RN, CCRN with over 10 years experience in ICU/CCU, working in a COVID CCU in a large regional hospital in Portland OR. Oregon is still 5th from the bottom in infection rates and deaths per 100k but it doesn’t seem like that on the ground.
Every AIIR (negative pressure isolation room) in my COVID CCU is occupied. We are sending patients that are no longer infectious, but still very sick, to lower levels of care to make room for the sicker patients. We try to get them extubated and trached first but it’s not always possible. We have nurses with limited experience with mechanically ventilated patients trying to care for intubated patients. The RTs are just running ragged.
Every ECMO bed is in use. We are turning away patients from their last chance of survival. We have had withdraw care from some long term patients that don’t seem to be getting better. They die.
One of my fellow RNs is down with COVID. Mentally we are all counting the days since we last worked with that RN. Every morning I check my temp and pulse ox, so far so good. We don’t get tested unless we show symptoms. I am always in my PAPR or a mask so I am not a danger to others, I hope. We don’t share the break room or even the bathrooms with other RNs. When we pass each other in the halls, we each stick to opposite sides.
My feet hurt, my soul aches. My eyes are so dry that when I blink my eyelids stick. My patient is very sick, he is one to one. Just when I think he may have turned the corner and might survive, something happens to dash my hopes. Every fiber of my being is focused on saving my patient’s life. By the end of my shift, even my brain is exhausted. I don’t know my patient, except his name and medical history, but if he dies while I am on shift, he will not die alone, I will be there with him.
I have just finished three 16 hour days, I have a day off. Tomorrow I go back for another four shifts, probably 16 hours each. I am beyond tired. I am physically, mentally and spiritually exhausted. I am one of the lucky ones. I have it so much better than RNs in states that have been overwhelmed with COVID cases. I can only imagine the hell they are enduring. We have managed to find a bed for every patient, so far, and have no refrigerated trailers to hold bodies, yet. We are still managing but it is not easy. I am angry, very angry because it did not have to be this way. Please wear your mask, avoid social gatherings, keep your distance, and wash your hands. It’s such a small sacrifice that would save countless lives, including, maybe, your own.