Energize An Ally Tuesday
Asking for a big donation today. But not money—just a fistful of positive “Big-D” vibes sent in the general vicinity of—[gestures wildly with index finger]—Pennsylvania, where a special election in the 163rd district will determine whether or not Democrats maintain control of the state House. As the Daily Kos Elections Team ("The Best in the Business!") explains:
Pennsylvania Democrats must win a May 16 special election in the Philadelphia suburbs in order to preserve their one-seat majority in the state House, and they’re turning to Gov. Josh Shapiro to underscore the stakes. “If Republican extremists win, they’ll take away my veto power by putting a constitutional amendment on the ballot to outlaw abortion, even in cases of rape and incest,” Shapiro says in a new spot from the House Democratic Campaign Committee touting Heather Boyd, a former member of the local school board. [...]
A victory for Boyd in [this] week’s contest, which coincides with the regularly scheduled statewide primary, would confirm Democratic control of the House for the third time in less than seven months.
It's health care, jobs, education, fact, science, and empathy versus ignorance, incompetence, bigotry, and apathy. Polls close at 8pm. Send those vibes now and may the best Heather Boyd win.
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, May 16, 2023
Note: Another sign that spring has finally arrived in Maine: over the weekend the kitty caught her first housefly of the year. But she’s old so she doesn’t de-wing them anymore. She just shakes ‘em down for Bingo money. They grow up so fast.
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By the Numbers:
5 days!!!
Days 'til Atlantic hurricane season starts: 16
Days 'til the New England Veg Fest in Worcester, Massachusetts: 5
Expected GDP growth in the second quarter, according to the Atlanta Fed: 2.7%
Seasonally-adjusted vehicle miles traveled on all roads and streets during March, up .9 billion from March 2022: 267 billion miles
April-to-April increase in sales of heavy trucks (over 14,000 lb. gross vehicle weight): 23%
Estimated number of Russian military aircraft that were shot down by Ukrainian defense forces over the weekend: 4
Number of dead skin cells you just shed in the last minute: 30,000
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Puppy Pic of the Day: This one has feathers...
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JEERS to good hype machines gone bad. With the expiration of pandemic-related Title 42, Republicans swore on all their bibles (including the ones they hollow out enough so their whisky flasks fit inside) that mobs, hordes, gangs, multitudes, swarms and droves of violent zombie illegals would immediately knock over the Great Trump Wall—all two-thousand miles of it!—and leave a swath of death and destruction across our dainty, fragile mamaland. We take you now to The Border, where the chaos is in full swing:
Nice knowin' ya, experiment in democracy. It was fun while it lasted.
CHEERS to running into the brick wall of justice. What the MAGA orcs in Montana taketh away…
Gov. Greg Gianforte highlighted a package of legislation that will put additional restrictions on abortion access and on taxpayer money being used for abortions. … Gianforte held a signing ceremony in front of the Montana State Capitol, with Republican lawmakers and anti-abortion activists in attendance.
The state Supreme Court giveth back…
The state’s high court ruled in favor of an advanced practice nurse practitioner in Whitefish and an unnamed clinician who challenged a 2005 law restricting which providers can offer abortion services. In an unanimous decision, all seven supreme court justices agreed that the law unconstitutionally interferes with Montanan’s right to privacy to seek medical care from the provider of their choosing.
The ruling reaffirms the state supreme court’s 1999 Armstrong decision, which first found that the state’s right to privacy protects the right to terminate a pregnancy.
Here endeth the lesson.
CHEERS to hunger control. On May 16, 1939, folks in Rochester, New York became the recipients of the first food stamps issued by the commie socialist American government under the mind control of Kenyan-born infiltrator (and first confirmed Manchurian candidate, says Conservapedia) Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Best food stamp ever.
According to Bon Appétit magazine, the first food stamps were described as "crisp and tender" and quite delicious when paired with a fruity cabernet.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to special deliveries. 105 years ago this week 1918, the first airmail route got started in the United States. It ran between Washington, Philadelphia and New York. They had to retool the operation when it became apparent that dangling a mailman from a rope was a really bad idea. Especially in Briarpatch County.
CHEERS to getting your giblets handed to you with a side of mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce. Let's talk TURKEY! On Sunday voters there went to the polls, and even with Elon Musk's thumb on the scale the mighty fleabag dictator Sparky Erdogan couldn’t muster 50 percent support. What a dork:
The president won 49.51% of the votes in Sunday's presidential election—just short of the 50% needed to secure victory outright, High Election Board head Ahmet Yener said in a statement Monday.
If he Kılıçdaroğlu topples Erdogan, I’ll buy him lunch.
That means he will head to a second-round runoff on May 28 with his main rival, Kemal Kılıçdaroğlu, who received 44.88% of the vote. The joint candidate of an alliance of opposition parties, Kılıçdaroğlu has pledged to return the country to a more democratic path.
For those of you wondering, Kemal is pronounced "kee-MAHL" and Kılıçdaroğlu is pronounced "Mind if I just call you Kemal?"
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Ten years ago in C&J: May 16, 2013
JEERS to unfortunate typos. Yesterday morning at the NBC News web site (you can move your cursor over the URL and still see it), I noticed this too-hastily-written headline: Agent Orange liked with aggressive prostate cancer. They changed it to "linked," but not before the one person in America who actually likes Agent Orange with his aggressive prostate cancer quietly felt validated.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to those darn egghead kids who walk among us. Congratulations—and bragging rights Whooooooo!!!!!—to Lexington High School in Massachusetts and the middle schoolers at BASIS Independent in Bellevue, Washington! They're the winners of the 2023 National Science Bowl, billed as the "only science competition in the United States sponsored by a federal agency." I'm happy to report there were no Menthos/Diet Coke disasters or, according to a statement released by the Polk administration, accidental time warps:
The high school competition came down to Lexington High School and University High School of Irvine, California, with Lexington prevailing by correctly answering the question, “In the Calvin cycle, regeneration of RuBP begins with the conversion of glyceraldehyde 3-phosphate to dihydroxyacetone phosphate. Which of the following types of enzymes is needed for this reaction?” (The answer: Isomerase.)
My science knowledge can only be see with a microscope.
In the middle school competition, BASIS Independent Bellevue and Jonas Clarke Middle School in Lexington, Massachusetts, were the last two teams standing. BASIS Independent Bellevue secured its victory by correctly answering the question, “How many hydrogen atoms are present in one molecule of maltotriose, a trisaccharide composed of three molecules of glucose?” (The answer: 32.)
Here’s a question I’d like to submit for next year: “What is the result of scientifically using the principles of physics to secure a ball-gag in the mouths of the House Freedom Caucus?” (The answer: Blessed silence.)
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"Cheers and Jeers really feels like it was written by an 85-year-old scrotal sack that has left its body."
—Evan Hurst, Wonkette
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