This is last Sunday’s long form satire piece from The Borowitz Report. As now usual, I am reposting it by permission from Andy Borowitz. If you like his work, which used to be in The New Yorker and is now run independently, you can find him on SubStack. If you like it as much as I do please subscribe and get his pieces delivered to your email inbox.
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First part of this wondrous piece on the recent history of UK leadership:
If you’re an American who’s exhausted by U.S. politics, I’ve found the perfect antidote: U.K. politics.
You ask, “What difference does U.K. politics make to me?” The answer is zero—and that’s why it’s such an escapist delight. Take it from me: Next week’s British election, which pits Rishi Sunak against Keir Starmer, is better than a fistful of edibles.
Politics in America is unbearably stressful, and not just for those of us who live here. Since the U.S. is the world’s most powerful nation, the boneheads we elect have the opportunity to wreak real havoc. Not so Britannia, which used to rule the waves but now merely dominates Netflix, thanks to Posh, Becks, and the disgruntled royals of Montecito. It’s hard to freak out about who will be the next leader of what is, in 2024, a middle-ranking country.
If you think that phrase reeks of Yank chauvinism, think again: It’s from Lord Patten, the last governor of Hong Kong, who also asserted that Britain is no longer “top dog” and is “not a global power.” The stakes of next Thursday’s vote, then, must be sized to fit the U.K.’s shrunken status. Nowadays, being prime minister of Great Britain is a lot like being mayor of Indianapolis.
Unfair? Consider the recent episode of the BBC radio program Any Questions?, in which an audience member raised a grave issue facing Britain. If “climate change,” “Ukraine,” and “the Middle East” were on your bingo card, sorry: The issue was “potholes.” Now check out this headline, published four days later: “THE STREETS ARE TERRIBLE”: RESIDENTS PLEAD WITH THE CITY FOR YEARS TO FIX POTHOLES. That appeared on the Web site of WRTV, the ABC affiliate in Indianapolis. Let’s move on.
The man currently tasked with filling Britain’s potholes (and, judging from the polls, doing a crap job) is Prime Minister Rishi Sunak. An incumbent in the Gerald Ford mold—no one voted for him or seems eager for a second helping—Sunak wasn’t even the first choice of his own party.
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