Well, I just looked at the latest Joe-must-go diary. I can’t count how many of those I’ve read so far, although the feet on a Eumillipedes Persephone centipede, which has 1306 legs, could be used as an abacus for accounting purposes. By the way, that centipede also wrote a diary this past Tuesday.
There are also diaries noting things such as “The winning ticket is Taylor Swift and Quasimodo after she sheds Travis Kelce live on stage at one of her concerts and sings a song about their failed romance as she looks lovingly at the Quas. The ratings would be through the roof as she announces her candidacy!” So, there you have it, The Honeybunch of Notre Damnit She Dumped Another One scores a big hit song and the Democratic nomination. How’s that for a coup that doesn’t include a cast of thousands storming the ramparts of democracy.
I mean, the wailing and gnashing of teeth has gotten so bad it’s frightened ortho dentists into prescribing titanium-reinforced mouth guards with reactive armor to a good portion of the population. If you have Medicare Advantage plans you have to make due with MINI Cooper car bumpers from an auto salvage yard. If you have no insurance at all just bundle a few hundred of those diaries together and place them in your mouth like a Communion wafer the size of a tire from the Michelin Man’s midsection.
This doom and gloom is downright scary. It’s like being led by that famous Sherpa, Gollum, up Mordor without the benefit of the Elves of Omaha whole-life insurance policies. One false step on this presidential journey and you’re looking at wearing molten lava Crocs, and you know how gauche those are. An election loser for sure.
And, as I mentioned elsewhere, it seems like a lot of people who haven’t been seen here in ages are coming out of the woodwork to lend a helpful hand with their suggestions. It’s gotten to be friggin’ Brigadoon around here. Gene Kelly our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.
The thing is I’m getting tired of it all. Of course, I realize that may just be me. Your Michelin LTX A/T2 tire mileage may vary.
But you know what?
I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING FOR A GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED TOWING AND RECOVERY SERVICE DIARY AND THOSE SNARKY COMMENTS!
THROW IN A ROCK CRUSHER AND I’LL ABSOLUTELY WET MYSELF!!
ANYTHING BUT ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE FUCKIN’ DIARIES!!!
Again, that’s just me. Obviously, as you know, you’re all free to do what you want.
That’s what the democracy of the United States of America is all about.
If we can keep it.
HAPPY 4TH!
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PS: Please excuse any mistakes of grammar, spelling, syntax and other language doodads. I’ve been drinking a fifth in anticipation of the Fourth since the third. Firewater, the fireworks for the inners.