Disclosure: The events recounted in this diary requires a trigger warning for those sensitive to domestic violence. Anyone can go to the National Domestic Violence Hotline for an online chat with a counselor, or call their number at:
The RAINN hotline for survivors of child sexual abuse can be reached 24 hours a day at either their online chat or by phone at:
One has to add a trigger warning due to the numbers: Because in America one in four women are survivors of sexual assault. One in six men are survivors of sexual assault.
On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of [some form of] physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime.
Kamala Harris was the in the DAs office here in the Bay Area when I had a domestic abuse case in stemming from an incident in the late 1980’s. I had been badly injured, and had multiple fractures (including 4 fractured cervical vertebra.) My abuser was an alcoholic who also did a bit of cocaine, just to balance his high. All great fuel for a broken man to take out his frustrations on his partner.
This is why I was riveted on Ms. Harris’ cross-examination of Brett Kavanaugh after the testimony of Dr. Blassey-Ford. I know first-hand how she feels as a prosecutor about protecting women from sexual and physical violence.
And she did not disappoint. This is why we need quality Democrats in the highest places where we can elect them.
I met DA Harris in the early ‘80s when there had not as yet been a case quite like mine here in SF where the accused was held to a felony that would bring with it (not just jail) but real San Quentin time for a first-time basic domestic violence charge...but, that’s exactly what she decided to go for, against the cultural norm in the city at the time.
Of course, it wasn’t the “first time” he’d been violent, but it was the first time he, or any domestic abuser, was going to face serious consequences here.
Back then domestic violence was still not taken seriously. It was the culture to dismiss domestic violence and sexual assault. And that was the case with me. Until DA Kamala Harris intervened on my behalf.
Harris was an incredibly focused District Attorney and was a warrior for not only women but anyone who fell between the cracks of law enforcement and required justice as DA in San Francisco.
It was about time for that sort of response from law enforcement after having the SFPD boys blow me off on their many domestic calls.
My abuser was utterly typical. They start out so smart, so nice. “Smartest guy in the room” syndrome. It’s a pattern well documented now, but was just being acknowledged back then. He was from Southern California and looked liked an older member of the Beach Boys, and yet he was also very much a “macho cop type” and my 911 calls only seemed to sober him up enough to joke with the police. On the other hand. I as a woman of color found time and again that police “intervention” consisted of “Miss, can you go somewhere else for the night?”
No. I had no living relatives. I had been isolated so I had no friends. I was alone, and the abuser had maneuvered our living situation so that he was the only one on the lease and in control of the finances.
You see, at that time we didn’t yet have a women’s shelter in the Bay Area. A year after my injuries one opened across the Golden Gate in San Rafael. It was founded by a doctor’s wife who had dealt with her own case of extended domestic abuse. No one listened to her because of who her husband was. When it did open, I was one of the earliest residents for a while.
But before that, one Sunday, Leland started drinking martinis at 9:00 a.m. “It’s Football Day!” When he started raging at the televised 49er game at the top of his considerable lungs, I knew the drill...he was taking out all of his troubled life’s frustrations, and real trouble for me was near at hand.
So I slipped out the front door, heading for Alamo Park as a safe quiet open air place. Before I knew it, he’d caught me at the curb from behind, picked me up in a fireman’s carry, spun around to take me back in, lost his balance and then all his athletic 6’ 3” fell backwards on me, crushed my jaw, neck, clavicle, and right hand on the street curb.
The emergency doctors thought there was a 50-50 chance I’d be quadriplegic. But I survived to walk and go back to school and work for 30 years as an information security consultant and architect.
In hospital I called the police, that’s when Ms. Harris became involved in my case.
It took considerable time for recovery, and it took more time to get a hearing from someone in a position with the DA’s office. Now we’re into the early 1990’s. After spending time in Harris’ office being carefully questioned by her, I can tell you she is one amazingly smart, sharp, shark-like prosecutor. Hyper-drive and intelligence like a steel trap. Zero nonsense. Astounding empathy and compassion for her responsibilities towards her constituents, and she put all that savvy to work for me, a disenfranchised victim. A woman of color.
It wasn’t popular among all the male city cronies at the San Francisco Hall of Justice in the 1980’s to see a domestic violence charge elevated to that serious a felony. I wonder why?
Kamala Harris has the fire to fight for the rights of the ignored, and go up against the establishment to do so.
For once I was in a bit of a daze due to injuries, and already a survivor of child sexual abuse (as are 1 in 10 Americans) but at that time I absolutely trusted her with my life, and the pursuit of justice, and trust is not a given with me, I do not do that lightly.
I don’t have heroes...but I do admire Senator Harris.
And I wasn’t at all surprised at Ms. Harris in how she prosecuted her questions to Brett Kavanaugh.
Having experience with how Ms. Harris deals with victims of domestic violence, I concur with this excerpt from an article in “The Root:”
Kamala Harris Would’ve Handled Brett Kavanaugh From the Jump.
Imagine if Blasey Ford had reached out to Sen. Harris’ office first, or if Rep. Eshoo had referred her to Harris instead of Feinstein? Harris, as an accomplished former attorney general and likely 2020 presidential candidate, would have likely handled this much better than Feinstein, who seemed like she never knew what to do with the silver bullet in her hand. Sen. Harris would have realized the political significance of a woman accusing a potential Supreme Court nominee of assault and the good government aspect of protecting a sexual assault victim instead of worrying about looking like a partisan—which was what was likely foremost on Feinstein’s mind.
My guess is Kamala Harris would have done two things: She would have promised to protect Blasey Ford’s identity and would have pledged to keep her out of the public spotlight unless Kavanaugh went from short list to actual nominee—Next, Harris would have walked Blasey Ford to the nearest FBI field office in California’s 18th District. Why? Sexual assault is not a federal crime, there is no statute of limitations and the local FBI office would have been legally bound to document Blasey Ford’s complaint, providing a paper trail and eliminating future accusations that Harris or anybody else was sitting on the story to use later for maximum effect. So long as the local Special Agent in Charge deemed Blasey Ford’s story credible, California’s FBI would have been doing their due diligence since July. You can just imagine Harris in all of her memed glory putting Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Chuck Grassley on three-way with Blasey Ford.
“Hey guess where I am? No clue? I’m at the FBI field office in San Francisco with a woman who says she was sexually assaulted by Brett Kavanaugh and Mark Judge in 1982. The local agents have already begun their investigation. Just thought you should know. K. Bye.”
At this point, Grassley would be stuck; he could’ve told Trump to choose another nominee because Kavanaugh was under investigation by the FBI for assault. Or ram the nomination through anyway, hoping he could get the vote done before the FBI was done investigating. The problem is Harris would have held all the cards. If Kavanaugh had dropped out, she wins. If Grassley tried to push it through, she announces to the Senate:
“The man before you is under investigation for sexual assault, and Chuck Grassley pushed him through even though I told him about it months ago. By the way, I have a witness. K. Bye.”
I’ve voted for her in every one of her elections. I trusted her in a time where I really needed a powerful cohort. I’m not sure where she fits in the Democratic constellation yet. AG might suit her very well. But I’d damn sure trust her with the country, and in any position including the oval, if she so chooses to run. Presently I’m grateful she is my Senator Harris.
Her performance in holding Kavanaugh’s staggering dry-drunk feet to fire during his histrionic performance was no less than I have learned to expect from Ms. Harris in her pursuit of justice.
One in four women are survivors of sexual assault. One in six men are survivors of sexual assault. The statistics on sexual violence and domestic violence in this country are still grim.
It’s in the culture, and it’s the culture that must change. We need to change that, and that change begins with each and every one of us. We are the culture.
All of us must hold the Brett Kavanaughs of the world to a higher standard: never laugh off their “jokes and games” of violation against those with less power. And we sure as hell do not put the violators on the Supreme Court to judge the laws of this country. Thank you Senator Harris for your laser-focused prosecutorial questioning of Kavanaugh.
I strongly feel that I recognize Brett Kavanaugh for the person he is. It’s not that he actually physically resembled my abuser, although he does, but that he responded like my abuser under questioning. And he required a questioner like Kamala Harris to get to who he is so the country could see that person.
We all should embrace a culture of holding violators to task, and change those numbers so the next generation of Americans have a greater future, free of the burden and struggle inherent in victimization.
We need to be the kind of Democrats that elect the kind of Democrats that will change the world.
#WeToo
Disclosure: The events recounted in this diary requires a trigger warning for those sensitive to domestic violence. Anyone can go to the National Domestic Violence Hotline for an online chat with a counselor, or call their number at
The RAINN hotline for survivors of child sexual abuse can be reached 24 hours a day at either their online chat or by phone at:
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