I am Elliot Roger

WilX

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Sunday June 01, 2014 · 3:33 PM PDT

2014/06/01 · 15:33

Forgive me. I don't blog. I don't even comment. I'm good at neither.

I only wanted to say that I am Elliot Rodger.

The following incidents occurred 33 years ago.

I was 17 and along with several high school pals (one female) spent an evening at a park. At some point we had her pinned against a tree groping her and opening her shirt. She began to cry, we regained our senses and all went home.

Not long after, and on at least three occasions, I beat up my girlfriend.

I am terribly sad for women.

#notallmen? Perhaps, but a whole helluva lot.

I am responsible for adding not one but two different women to those outrageous stats of women being sexually and physically abused.

And I don't even know why.

Am I crazy? Did I learn this? Am I an animal? I don't hate women, I love them, so...

15 years ago I sought out the girlfriend and made amends such as I could. Never found the high school "pal". And she was a pal. Long haunted that she remained our pal (it was never spoken of), I grieve that her haunting was the lesson she learned so young: have men pals but beware those times when they betray your friendship and assault you.

I have never engaged in that behavior again, but as #yesallwomen makes so abundantly clear, I, of all people, I, am nearly blind.

And so I continue to search my heart, my mind, my spirit, more now than ever.

But I will not be absolved, not by anyone. Not at least until I understand how I relate to even the tiniest part of that sad murderer.

Until then, I am Elliot Rodger.

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