Prayers to the Cruz's daughter and family
Just now I saw a report that allegedly one of Cruz’s Daughters had self-inflicted stab wounds on their arms. Suicidal Ideation is so tough to work through, I should know as a licensed foster parent who took in teens, ALL of ours struggles with suicidal thoughts and some acting on them.
First I want to send my thoughts and prayers to the Cruz family. I don't agree with his views, but I don't wish anyone to struggle with thoughts or members of their family to struggle with those thoughts.
I also read that one of his daughters came out bisexual. I can only imagine how hard it might be to live in a home that may not FULLY support you. It just makes this even more difficult.
Teens that deal with suicidal ideation are more likely to succeed if they are not in a supportive home that gives them their FULL support and all the tools to work through those thoughts/actions. I spent many nights with our teens in the hospital when they nearly tried, it was tough and I don't wish it on anyone. One time, while out in the front yard putting up decorations, I could see in the front door one of our teens coming out and saying “Help me”. My husband thought they said “dance with me” as he is deaf but has a cochlear implant, so he misunderstood them. I ran but I felt like I was in a tunnel and I couldn't get there fast enough, but I do recall saying “Oh F*** Noooooooooo!” while running to them. Once I got there, the teen pleaded with me saying that they didn't want to die, but they took pills. I was confused as all meds were locked up and asked “how?” and yelled at my husband to call 911. At that time, the teen said they need to throw up but don't want to do it in the hallway, I told them, go ahead, just vomit, let's get this out of your system. I then turned the teen over and they did. Then the puzzle pieces fell together — the teen had saved up their daily meds and was able to fool me into thinking they had swallowed the pills. I was so angry, not at the teen, but at myself, and I also reminded myself that we gotta focus on the teen. The teen made me promise them that I wouldn't let them die, even though they tried to. I told that teen I would do everything I could do to prevent that to the best of my ability. by the time the EMTs arrived, they took over. They took the teen to the hospital and I followed in the car. I left behind the vomit and grabbed the pill box as I knew all too well the doctors would need that. The teen survived, and that was the last time they tried in our care (and to this day), but they were thankful that we did do everything we could and apologetic, I told them they had nothing to apologize for as they have had a rough couple of months, and that I understood it was just too much. The teen appreciated that I could see from their perspective and was supportive.
This teen had been put through hell in the several months leading up to this, in/out of mental hospitals. It was a battle but I never once judged them or punished them over this. It was so difficult to see the pain, but not be able to help the way I wanted to, all I could do was be there, be present, and not toxic positively. No, I just needed to listen to the teen. That time was not the first, but it was the scarcest one in all my years in helping teens diagnosed with suicidal ideation.
I truly hope that the Cruz family really takes this incident (if reported correctly) to heart and works through this whole thing together and help their daughter get all the SUPPORT, therapy, and tools to help her thrive. I hope that this may lead to a change in being able to accept their daughter 100% of who she is. Everyone one of our teens that attempted, attempted more than once, so this is going to be a long road — its worth it to keep fighting WITH our kids, than against them, as that may be the only way to keep them from being successful (unfortunately some manage to be successful before they find the right therapy/tools to help) them during their dark times.
If you or you know someone that is struggling PLEASE check in with them, give them time, and help them find the right therapy, tools, resources and so much more to help them work through those dark moments.
Resources that helped our teens:
988 (call/text) — Lifeline for suicidal — lifeline.org
Virtual Hope Box is also a really good app and it helped some of our teens during those moments (App is available on both Apple and Andriod stores). To be clear there are several different apps, this is the one we used for ours.
Safety Plan — Write out a safety plan with the person who is struggling (when NOT struggling in the moment. Have them write what triggers them, the signs YOU should watch out for (like isolation, irritability, and so forth), Then have them write things that help them through like listening to music, leaving the current environment, going for a walk, opening Virtual Hope box (or like), etc… Also have them write down supportive people they can contact so you can have them reach out to them when struggling. All of our teens were told, they don't have to talk to us BUT we want them to talk to someone they trusted that would help them. They appreciated that we didn't FORCE them to talk to us.
There are so many more resources but these are a few that came off the top of my head. I will add more in the comments as I remember them. One of my teens loved when I would snap chat with them about funny memes or inspirational quotes during their dark period.
