Fr. John-Mark Gilhousen (right) and fiancé, David Borba at Cannon Beach, Oregon, the week of their engagement, August, 2015.
I’ve not been very active on DK for a very long time, but I still have a lot of people here whom I admire greatly, and a number whom I like to think of as friends (even though I am horrible about keeping in touch). And, of course, there are still several authors here whose work I follow avidly.
So, as I approach a major life event, I thought I should post an announcement here. I’m gettin’ hitched!
I have lived for almost 40 years under a vow of celibacy, which served me well. The kind of ministry in which I was engaged was inner-city mission work with those pushed to the margins of society by poverty, disability, or minority status. It left little time to devote to loved ones, nor was it particularly lucrative, so it would have been difficult to support a family.
Upon my retirement last year, my vows were making little sense to me absent the ministry they facilitated. I had already started thinking along these lines as I was approaching retirement, when a man came back into my life with whom I’d had an intimate relationship when we were in our early 20’s, before I entered the priesthood. I had fallen for him hard, but I was insecure and impatient, and he was only recently “out” and not ready to make a long-term commitment. That, and circumstances, led us to go our separate ways, ultimately losing track of each other.
We found each other again a few years ago through social media, and struck up a renewed friendship — thinking that was all it was. But the feelings still ran deep and reemerged fairly quickly. Eventually, we opened up to each other about those feelings, and then the subject of marriage came up. The petition for voluntary withdrawal from my religious Order, and my vows, which I’d already written got signed and submitted. This past August, we exchanged engagement rings, and set a date. I literally could not be happier. I had reconciled myself to spending my elder years alone. Now, I have a future to share, and one whom I love dearly with whom to spend it.
My Faith still being important to me, we will be married in Eastertide, April 16, in a Solemn High Pontifical Nuptial Mass. A retired Old Catholic Bishop has agreed to celebrate the Mass and pronounce the blessing on our marriage. Friends and colleagues from various periods in our lives are making arrangements to gather with us. (If any of you reading this would like to come, please send me a message, and I’ll put you on the guest list and send you an invitation.) A local choral group is going to sing William Byrd’s Mass for Four Voices and a dear old friend who has been a professional church organist will fulfill that role for me. Former parishioners will be among those serving at the altar.
After the very formal ceremony, we’re having a reception dinner/dance at the local Country Club, and have booked a jazz combo with a wide range of genres among their playlist — including old time rock and roll and even country. It’s definitely going to be a Party (with a capital “P”).
Details, including our story and more information about the events can be found on our wedding website.
Unfortunately, the pastor of the local modern Roman Catholic parish felt it necessary to respond to our wedding announcement in the local newspaper with a letter to the editor which contained a homophobic screed, and a very personal attack on my integrity. It saddened me that he chose to take it beyond the realm of a theological disagreement and instead included ugly false accusations. But, it was so “over the top” that it showed itself as an exercise in animus and small-mindedness. Even in this small city in the heart of “cowboy country,” it inspired an amazing level of support for David and me, obviously not its goal.
So, there you have it. My days of public ministry are over, but a new chapter in my life is about to begin. I’ve had a small chapel built on my property where I can continue to practice my religion privately, and occasionally with a few neighbors and friends. But, now my life is going to focused on serving my community in other ways, and sharing my life with the one I love.
Pax vobis.
John-Mark +
