Don't forget, folks, as you chomp down your Thanksgiving turkey, that the more historically accurate holiday, Suckers' Day, follows Thanksgiving as night follows day.
Suckers' Day honors the many times Europeans told Native Americans, "We come in peace," while thinking to themselves, "Suckers!!"
Fittingly, we celebrate Suckers' Day the day after Thanksgiving, in the traditional manner: by indulging in a consumer spending spree. In this way, we symbolically assume the role of Native Americans by willingly handing large sums of American money to merchants who assure us that they have our best interests in mind.
Chow down, folks!!