As a child of the 60's, I am wondering about the messages women give each other about their sexuality. I was partially reared by my maternal grandmother. She was born in 1898. She knew nothing about sex and I seriously doubt if she ever experienced orgasims or any sexual pleasures ever in her lifetime. Imagine the messages I learned from her. I was taught that my sexual body parts were not to be touched. They were dirty and disgusting. My mother told me about sex and reproduction so I at least knew the mechanics. I also don't recall her ever promoting chastity. The only thing she did promote was contraception. She told me if I was planning to have sex, it was my responsibility to be sure I did not get pregnant.
I was a late bloomer physically. I recall that some mean girls told everyone that I was pregnant in 8th grade. At that point, I'd never had more than a kiss and hadn't even gotten my period. Still, it was devastating to my self-esteem. Many of the girls I knew found a boyfriend and went steady with them for a long time. Some eventually got pregnant and got married to the guy. I dated lots of boys so everyone assumed I was a slut. What they didn't realize was that I didn't stay with any boy long enough to become intimate.
Now, eventually I did go steady and because of my reputation his mother tried to break us up by sending him away to military school. As you can imagine, that only brought us closer together. While his parents were away, we decided to have sex. We were 16. And it was awful. He was terrified and so was I. It hurt and the condom came off or broke. He tried to get me to use his mother's douche bag so I wouldn't get pregnant. (We actually believed that nonsense.) I was too grossed out by the idea so we sweated it out until I had my period. Sounds funny now almost 50 years later, but, it was serious then.
When you are labeled a slut by all the popular girls, it is hard to change that image. My first sexual partner and I broke up and later I found another lover. Before we had sex, I "confessed" my previous sexual relationship. My new love was devastated that I wasn't a virgin, but, he eventually got over it. So, I felt like damaged goods for a long time.
The sad thing is that I began to accept the slut label. I actually worried about it and discussed it with a counselor at my college. Thankfully, she helped me see that only my opinion counted and that I didn't have to accept that label.
We women need to be cautious of the messages we send regarding our sexuality, but we also need to guard the ones we accept.
