Recently I have learned that many Americans are calling me a "Dick". I am unfamiliar with the word used in this way but my staff tells me it is a most positive term, as in "Boy, Mitt, you really dicked those steel workers." Or "Yes, Mitt, you showed those Libyans and Egyptians how a real dick acts." Yes I did, and I am proud of it. If that makes me a Dick, then I will wear the moniker with pride. I am America's Dick. I am also looking forward to dicking more Americans and Muslims when I am elected, which my advisers tell me is a sure thing now.
Ann has suggested that given my stature as the Republican nominee, God's standard bearer, and white, male elitist, that "Richard" is more fitting. I concur and have directed my crackerjack staff to immediately inform the press that while many Americans believe I am a "Dick", I really do prefer "Richard".