I have written before about my PTSD, I am not proud of the way I treated my family over the years, this was in the years before I admitted to myself that I had the problem and sought help for it. This was during the phase where I blamed everyone else because of my problems, my supervisors, my ex wives (4 of them) my kids, you name it I could find some one else to blame the problems on. I drank a lot, a few DUIs, some people call it self medicating, me I needed it to be able to fall asleep, without it I never slept being drunk I managed to close my eyes, being rested was never an effect I remember since my 20s. The nightmares were always hell and I seldom slept, I either worked 20 hours a day or if I was off I drank, so I was not a good father, I was in fact quite a shitty father figure. My kids lived in a good house, went to good schools, had food and clothes but that doesn't make a good father, I was never there for them and when I was, I was usually verbally abusive.
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